Smells Like Bean Spirit

Farting – you know you do it. We all do it. It feels good when you do it. Why, then, is it socially unacceptable to do it in public?

We live in a culture where day in and day out people are persecuted for performing one of the natural processes of expelling gas from the human body. Breathing is okay. Burping is okay. Farting, however, is a criminal offense.

Is it the odor of a fart that's the problem? I don't know if you've noticed, but burps aren't exactly air fresheners themselves, and your breath can stink pretty badly too. Homeless people smell like shit and we give them money for doing so. Why not give a buck to your best friend the next time he or she farts instead of running out of the room gasping for "fresh air"?

Our society has painted such a negative picture of farting that nowadays, it's considered an embarrassing thing for one to do. I mean, people today actually apologize for farting. Farting is not something to be ashamed of. It's really not the anathema that folks make it out to be. Homo sapiens were designed to fart. Realize that whoopie cushions and "pull my finger" jokes are funny simply because we still think of farting as taboo. Only when we fully embrace farting can we create a more perfect union.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna fart. Anybody got a lighter?

In other news, Blink-182 is headlining Live 105's BFD 8 and KROQ's Weenie Roast this year.

If this doesn't offend you, nothing will.

Right, left, right, left, onetwo punch.

Who should win the submission match? (out of 137 votes)
Alex Roome • 90 votes • 66%
Haley Joel Osment • 47 votes • 34%

Somebody has a secret admirer.

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