Jon | Rory | Anthony

WARNING: The following piece contains gross generalizations, inside jokes, and region-specific references. Enjoy at your own discretion.

Jon: Can we go see the Joe Louis Arena?
Danielle: Why?
Jon: Because it's the fuckin' Joe Louis Arena! Home of the…um…the flying tire people…
Danielle: The Red Wings.
Jon: Right! The Red Wings.
Danielle: You really want to see the Joe Louis Arena? I mean, it's just a building.
Jon: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! The Cobo Arena is just a building. The Joe Louis Arena is…Joe Louis' arena! His legend, his soul, permeates every square foot of that hallowed athletic bastille! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, WOMAN?
Danielle: Get in the car.

moments after driving past the Joe Louis Arena and into downtown Detroit…
Jon: What's that statue over there?
Danielle: Oh that's Joe Louis' fist.
Jon: [pause] Who's Joe Louis?

episode 2

One of these is a German Michigan-based chain of warehouse-size convenience stores. The other is a Japanese snack food manufacturer. Can you guess which is which?

The Evil Axis lives!

Poor Pontiac Silverdome. Once upon a time, it hosted Wrestlemania III. 93,173 people — the largest indoor attendance for any event in history — packed the Silverdome to witness the infamous match in which Hulk Hogan took an alleged 700-pound Andre the Giant, pressed him over his head, and slammed him into the mat.

Nowadays, the Silverdome is lucky to host a high school football game. What's even sadder is that more people probably attend these high school games than Lions games.

I hear they're renting out Tiger Stadium for proms.

Let's face it — arts and wine festivals are lame. You go, you look at shit, you eat overpriced food, and then you leave — nothing you can't do at a mall. The organizers of Pontiac's annual Arts, Beats & Eats festival know this, and wisely decided to include popular musical acts to draw people in.

I know the only reason I went to Arts, Beats & Eats was to see Michelle Branch, fresh off her VMA win for "best new artist." She was scheduled to perform at 7:30 PM, but organizers pulled a bait and switch with the band scheduled to follow her, some band fronted by some loser no-name hockey player…something McCarty. Outraged, we left for

Stupid peg game… I'm Asian. Why can't I figure this thing out?

I'm-a start a chain of Nigger Barrels. 33% more soul in our food. Guaranteed.

But there's already Roscoe's!

Well, my restaurants will have chicken and waffles AND Aretha Franklin!

I see… And how do you plan on having Aretha Franklin at every restaurant?

Medium rare. 33%! Oh yes…

to be continued

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *