Jon | Rory | Anthony
WARNING: The following piece contains gross generalizations, inside jokes, and region-specific references. Enjoy at your own discretion.
Jon: Can we go see the Joe Louis Arena?
Jon: Because it's the fuckin' Joe Louis Arena! Home of the…um…the flying tire people…
Danielle: The Red Wings.
Jon: Right! The Red Wings.
Danielle: You really want to see the Joe Louis Arena? I mean, it's just a building.
Jon: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! The Cobo Arena is just a building. The Joe Louis Arena is…Joe Louis' arena! His legend, his soul, permeates every square foot of that hallowed athletic bastille! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, WOMAN?
Danielle: Get in the car.
moments after driving past the Joe Louis Arena and into downtown Detroit…
Jon: What's that statue over there?
Danielle: Oh that's Joe Louis' fist.
Jon: [pause] Who's Joe Louis?
One of these is a German Michigan-based chain of warehouse-size convenience stores. The other is a Japanese snack food manufacturer. Can you guess which is which?
The Evil Axis lives!
Poor Pontiac Silverdome. Once upon a time, it hosted Wrestlemania III. 93,173 people the largest indoor attendance for any event in history packed the Silverdome to witness the infamous match in which Hulk Hogan took an alleged 700-pound Andre the Giant, pressed him over his head, and slammed him into the mat.
Nowadays, the Silverdome is lucky to host a high school football game. What's even sadder is that more people probably attend these high school games than Lions games.
I hear they're renting out Tiger Stadium for proms.
Let's face it arts and wine festivals are lame. You go, you look at shit, you eat overpriced food, and then you leave nothing you can't do at a mall. The organizers of Pontiac's annual Arts, Beats & Eats festival know this, and wisely decided to include popular musical acts to draw people in.
I know the only reason I went to Arts, Beats & Eats was to see Michelle Branch, fresh off her VMA win for "best new artist." She was scheduled to perform at 7:30 PM, but organizers pulled a bait and switch with the band scheduled to follow her, some band fronted by some loser no-name hockey player…something McCarty. Outraged, we left for
Stupid peg game… I'm Asian. Why can't I figure this thing out?
I'm-a start a chain of Nigger Barrels. 33% more soul in our food. Guaranteed.
But there's already Roscoe's!
Well, my restaurants will have chicken and waffles AND Aretha Franklin!
I see… And how do you plan on having Aretha Franklin at every restaurant?
Medium rare. 33%! Oh yes…
to be continued