Guns Don't Kill People, Mario Van Peebles

I just blew my nose in a used sheet of Bounce.

Thursday night, I saw Green Day at the Grand Olympic Auditorium.

No one had a car available, so we rode the bus downtown. The timetable said a Metro 2 bus would arrive in Westwood at 6:15 pm. We arrived at the bus stop at 6:10 pm. A 2 bus didn't arrive until 6:40 pm. The bus arrived at the Grand Olympic Auditorium at 8:20 pm. We spent an hour and 40 minutes (plus waiting time) traveling 13.5 miles. In that time, I could have flown to New Mexico.

Fortunately, Green Day was worth the trouble. $10 for two hours of rock goodness, about 60% cover songs, 40% Green Day material.

If I remember correctly, the band covered: Billy Idol, Jimi Hendrix, Operation Ivy, Otis Day and the Knights, Ozzy Osbourne, The Buzzcocks, The Clash (twice), The Go-Gos (with a special appearance by Jane Wiedlin), The Misfits, The Network (heh), The Who and Weezer and closed with a kickass rendition of Queen's "We Are The Champions."

Some frat-boy-types tried to start a circle pit during "Our Lips Are Sealed."

I've noticed that instead of tapping my toes to music, I tap my heels.

When someone at a show salutes the band on stage with one or two middle fingers after a song, is that good or bad?

Friday night, I saw The Village.

The Village

Here's the deal with M. Night Shyamalan: He comes up with great premises for movies, but (with the exception of The Sixth Sense) he can't make them pay off. He's mastered foreplay, but the ability to deliver an orgasm eludes him. He needs to hire a screenwriting Mariano Rivera.

—Honey, I have to be honest with you, and please don't scream. We…made up the whole premise of this movie.

Are you kidding me? I thought. This is probably the most unbelievable deus ex machina since Pam Ewing "dreamt" the whole 1985-86 season of Dallas. Fuck the monsters! Let's remake The Truman Show with a blind girl in the remaining time!

I thought Shyamalan might salvage the movie by having Ron Howard's daughter die in the woods after internalizing the monsters all her life, but he forwent a psychological slant for this:

—He found the extra costume under the floorboards and leaped out the window!

Sometime during the movie, the soundsystem freaked and blipped for about a minute. Theatre managers distributed free movie passes afterward to compensate for the audio problem.

I may have lost two hours, but at least I got $10 back.

By the time you read this, I'll be in Detroit for the Libertarian National Convention.

All next week, updates from Michigan (and possibly Illinois). Hit the mobile. (650) 279-2317. Drinks are on me.