Let's dye our hair, paint imperfection out of our faces and aspire to be high school drama queens

Adam Riff™ Clusterfuck #8
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou sneak preview with Anjelica Huston and Jeff Goldblum in person
November 18 at the Egyptian Theatre

—Unfortunately, due to a schedule change, director Wes Anderson will not be able to appear in person.


I saw a work print of The Life Aquatic in June and it was . I hope the final cut is better.

I read an article in RedEye (Chicago has too many newspapers) about an upcoming free concert called "Wes Anderson rocks!" during which four Chicago bands (including one with members of Wilco) will play songs from all four of Anderson's movies.

Sounds interesting.

Rory and I were in Chicagoland this past weekend for the Adam Riff™ Asian Film Festival. We had a good turnout.

We screened eleven films in three days:
Drunken Master II (Hong Kong, 1994)
Joint Security Area (South Korea, 2000)
Infernal Affairs (Hong Kong, 2002)
6ixtynin9 (Thailand, 1999)
Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance
(South Korea, 2002)
Zebraman (Japan, 2004)
House of Flying Daggers (China, 2004)
Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior (Thailand, 2003)
Casshern (Japan, 2004)
Oldboy (South Korea, 2003)
2046 (China, 2004)

I'd say that most of the films were to while Zebraman, Casshern and 2046 had their moments but weren't strong.

Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior

Jackie Chan, you may now retire.

The plot of Ong-Bak is about as simple as you can get, even for a martial arts film. Ting, an orphan raised in a Buddhist temple, sets out to reclaim a sacred object stolen from his village.

Ting also happens to be a master of the brutal art of Muay Thai fighting, which, naturally, comes in very handy over the next 90 minutes or so for kicking epic proportions of ass.

It's been a long time since a movie made me cringe this much, and when I wasn't doing that, I was picking my jaw up off the ground after witnessing the sheer physical brilliance on display throughout.

There are at least six amazing action sequences throughout the movie, all of them showcases for the stunning talents of Tony Jaa, the stuntman-turned-actor who plays Ting. And as is the case with all of the greats, each one is crazier and more ballistic than the last.

As impossible as it is to believe at times, no wires or CGI were used at all in the movie's fight scenes. In this day and age, where any beefcake can be turned into a gravity-defying, death-dealing kung fu master with wire tricks, it's a rush to see the real deal once again.

Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior opens in North American theatres next year.

trailer (only touches the surface)

While waiting for Bruno to arrive, Jord and Jap played a demo of Resident Evil 4 that Jord imported from Japan. The "boss" in the demo is a zombie villager with a chainsaw.

courtesy of Nick Dick:

This is a special GameCube controller that will apparently be out around the release of Resident Evil 4.

First bongo drums. Now a chainsaw. If Nintendo would just make a dead wife peripheral, I could be William Burroughs.

People kept referring to Jap's girlfriend as "Peaches." I thought it was a pseudonym but later found out that Peaches is her real name.


What kind of parents name their daughter "Peaches"? That's a moniker usually reserved for strippers and women who sing smutty songs.

Five things I learned in northeast Illinois:
1. heterosexual male fans of desperate housewives exist
2. the only television show bruno follows is real world/road rules: battle of the sexes 2
3. 40° is "warm"
4. food outlets in evanston have some strange eating areas
5. jimmy john's = instant sandwiches…literally

Near the end of the film festival, my stomach began hurting.

I attributed my gastrointestinal discomfort to the breakfast food I had for lunch and the candy I ate earlier in the night.

I don't usually eat breakfast food or candy. My regular diet consists of Mexican food and more Mexican food.

There I sat, however, with eggs, potatoes, sausage, pancakes, Cherry Coke and Reese's peanut butter cups stewing inside me.

I excused myself and had a very cathartic poop in the bathroom.

As soon I exited the bathroom, I re-entered and pooped some more. This time when I flushed, I noticed that the water in the bowl was refilling abnormally slow. I didn't think much of it though.

30 minutes later, I was back in the bathroom pooping. When I flushed, the water in the bowl again refilled abnormally slow.

I began to worry.

Did I clog the plumbing? I thought.

I stuck a plunger in the toilet bowl and pumped for a while. Nothing seemed to be happening. Then I lifted up the lid of the septic tank, wondered why I did that, and replaced it. I didn't know what more I could do, so I let the toilet be.

Bedtime arrived. I heard Jord pee in the bathroom and then enter his room. I stayed up a little longer to finish some homework and soon had to poop again.

In the bathroom, I set my toothbrush down on the sink counter and lifted the toilet seat lid up. It appeared that Jord didn't flush after he peed, which is understandable. I don't like to flush a toilet at night if all I may need to do is pee.

The thought of pooping in someone else's pee, however, turned me off, so I flushed the toilet. The water in the bowl slowly rose…and rose…and…well…overflowed. Panicking, I grabbed the first towel I saw and threw it on the floor. In doing so, I knocked my toothbrush into a pool of toilet water and Jord pee. I frantically set my toothbrush back on the sink counter and then grabbed the plunger and started pumping away.

At the same time, I couldn't hold my poop in much longer. When I pumped the water in the bowl down to an acceptable level, I swiftly dropped trou and spread my ass cheeks on a slightly wet toilet seat.

The toilet cannot overflow again, I chanted to myself while pooping.

When it came time to flush, I said a prayer, knocked on wood, stuck the plunger in the toilet bowl and flushed. As the water cycled, I pumped like my life depended on it.

The toilet did not overflow again. Amen.

The flush wasn't a clean flush, however, so I flushed again. The toilet appeared to be operating normally now. Just to be sure, I flushed it a few more times.

Anyone who was still awake in the building must have wondered why the toilet kept flushing.

Clean-up was, of course, a hassle. I felt like I was cleaning up the aftermath of an accidental murder in the bathroom.

Once I finished cleaning, I flossed, brushed my teeth and prepared for sleep.

Guess who forgot where his toothbrush had been.