Nuclear Waste? Bring That Shit (We Want a State Full of Radiated Super Heroes)

It's time for the belated news round-up!

This is how you write "Obama" (as in Illinois state senator Barack Obama) in Chinese:

O. Ba. Ma.

And this is how you write "Alan Keyes" in Chinese:

Two people got that joke.

Sports Illustrated on Campus reports that Illinois, Michigan, Minnesota, Oklahoma, South Carolina and Virginia Tech are just a few of the schools that have knockoff "LiveStrong" wristbands.

Soon, enough different-colored wristbands will exist that college students can play their own version of the jelly bracelet game "Snap".

According to "Snap" color definitions, an Illinois wristband would be good for a kiss, while a Michigan wristband would result in a blow job. There is no definition for maroon, so let's add red and purple together and say that an Oklahoma wristband would beget a lap dance simulating anal sex.

Colleges might as well sell knockoff magnetic ribbons too.

Here's my design for a Michigan ribbon:

Get it? "Blue" sounds like "troops" and it's also what Michigan students refer to Wolverine athletes as! How clever am I?

Then like the Illinois magnetic ribbon could say "Support our…uhh…umm…

I don't know what Illinois' mascot is.

The Steamers? (No, that's Cleveland…) The Steamboats? Steam… I believe it's "steam" something… Steacon Steamons?

Screw it. I'm going to call them the Never-Nudes. It's definitely not that, but "The Illinois Never-Nudes" is rather catchy, don't you think?


Jesus ranch, the fuck is Illinois' mascot?

Stupid Big Ten. Can't even count the number of schools in the conference properly.

UCLA has a new logo.

Keith Bright Strategic Design created the new logo at a cost of $98,000.

Daily Bruin columnist Daniel Miller:

"UCLA could have paid me $50 and I could have typed out 'UCLA' in Helvetica font, italicized it and it would've been a done deal. Here, I'll try it: UCLA.

That looks pretty good, doesn't it?"

I learned that my boss used to work at a record store in St. Louis with Jeff Tweedy of Wilco and that the Wilco book quotes some of their former co-workers.

Apparently, all you need to do to score airplay on VH1 is be shot to death at point blank range.

Best Tinnitus-Inducing Album 2004 nominees
(Adam Robot refused to cut it down any further)
Charmer — Breather Resist
Christmas — Old Man Gloom
Leviathan — Mastodon
Lickgoldensky — Lickgoldensky
Panopticon — Isis
Terrifyer — Pig Destroyer
The Eye of Every Storm — Neurosis
Within Dividia — The End

Best Wrestling Match 2004 nominees(if Robot gets to indulge, so do I)
Royal Rumble — WWE Royal Rumble 2004
Brock Lesnar vs. Eddie Guerrero — WWE No Way Out 2004
Rock 'n' Sock Connection vs. Evolution — WWE WrestleMania XX
Chris Benoit vs. Triple H vs. Shawn Michaels — WWE WrestleMania XX
Mick Foley vs. Randy Orton (Street Fight) — WWE Backlash 2004
America's Most Wanted vs. Triple X (Cage Match) — TNA Turning Point 2004