The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio

I considered moving to Cleveland to intern at Alternative Press until Kalki (a native Ohioan) referred the city as "the mistake by the lake."

Add this to the Cleveland PR file:

—A Cleveland man has sued NBC for $2.5 million, claiming that he could not stomach watching contestants eat dead rats on Fear Factor.

—In a handwritten four-page lawsuit filed in federal court in Cleveland on Tuesday, paralegal Austin Aitken said, "To have the individuals on the show eat (yes) and drink dead rats was crazy and from a viewer's point of view made me throw-up as well an [sic] another in the house at the same time."

Was this mysterious "another" by any chance Robert Blake?

—His suit added, "NBC is sending the wrong message to its TV watchers that cash can make or have people do just about anything beyond reasoning [sic] and in most cases against their will."

—He said the show caused his blood pressure to rise so high that he became dizzy and light-headed, and when he ran away to his room, he bumped his head into the doorway.

God bless our litigious society. Any judge who doesn't immediately toss this case should be disbarred. First of all, the case is ridiculous. You can't demand millions of dollars because gross stuff makes you nauseous. Secondly, the plaintiff has no case! He could have changed the channel or turned his television off when Joe Rogan announced the rat-consumption challenge, but he continued watching. It's his own damn fault that he wussed out.

Perhaps the most revealing graf in the article:
—In a brief telephone interview with Reuters, Aitken said, "I am not at liberty to discuss the complaint unless it is a paid-interview situation."

Only money will motivate him to discuss his lawsuit that criticizes NBC for using money to motivate people.