You can't kill the rooster

reporting from: Mountain View, CA

If California was a Canadian province and I grew up in the city of Orange, my hometown would be Orange, CA, CA.

I'm at home for a few days to cash in on the holiday. It's a custom during Chinese New Year for adults to distribute red envelopes filled with cash to young people. So far I've received $620.

Yes, I'm 22 and shouldn't be receiving handouts anymore, but if my relatives will continue to indulge my slacker ass, I will gladly accept.

Apparently, because this year's zodiac animal is a rooster, Chinese people are not supposed to consume any chicken products until the 19th, ten days after Lunar New Year's Day.

This poses a problem because chicken is my preferred meat. I don't eat red meat, I can't stomach pork (after Seth and Josh cursed me) and seafood is expensive.

Then again: $620.

I hear Lobsterfest's back at Red Lobster…

Sunday's telecast of the 47th annual Grammy Awards will open with a multi-artist performance stretching across three stages. The spectacle will feature the Black Eyed Peas, Gwen Stefani and Eve, Maroon 5, Franz Ferdinand and Los Lonely Boys.

Los Lonely Boys. Don't you have to be somewhat popular to play the Grammys? All I recognize is the band's name, which pops up in the media a lot. I've yet to hear an actual Los Lonely Boys song — the Johnny Cash cover they performed in a Sony MP3 Walkman commercial doesn't count — and I've seen no evidence that fans of theirs exist.

It's that El Cucuy, I tell you. He's somehow behind this.