There's a bear in my oatmeal

A Remington .30-06 rifle is mounted atop a homemade contraption of welded metal and a piece of butcher block, and is attached to a small motor, three video cameras (two linked to the Internet, including the one embedded in the gun scope) and a door lock actuator, like that used in a car. The actuator is attached to a wire that pulls the trigger at the click of the mouse. From virtually anywhere, someone with an Internet connection can fire the rifle.

The Washington Post ran an article on internet hunting yesterday.

For Dale Hagberg, a quadriplegic in Ligonier, Ind., Live-Shot is the only way he can hunt after being paralyzed in a diving accident almost 18 years ago. The 38-year-old was an avid bear and deer hunter in his teens, but now is dependent on a ventilator and unable to sit up in a wheelchair for more than a few hours at a time once a week. He uses his mouth to manipulate a joystick that moves a remote camera to zoom in and out of the target area on the ranch in Texas and to aim.

He has paid $1,300 to bag a blackbuck — the price that Lockwood paid to stock the animal on the ranch — and he will keep trying to get the spiral-horned antelope from his bed in Indiana.

I smell a hit television series… Elmer Fudd meets Christopher Reeve meets Swimfan. Mondays this fall after Prison Break.

This is Larry the Cable Guy, the alter ego of Dan Whitney and the most successful comedian in America.

That's a Confederate flag on his baseball cap.

Larry's act is often racist and homophobic, but he won't use the F word or say the Lord's name in vain.

His catchphrase is "Git-R-Done."

Once again, this is the most successful comedian in America.

I'm considering adopting a FOB persona and touring the country as Jonny the Dry Cleaner. None of this Margaret Cho/Dat Phan impersonation bullshit. I'm talking full-on Tony Clifton-style immersion into my character.

While sipping taro root bubble tea, I'll entertain audiences with politically-incorrect musings on my Mexican gardener and the Caucasian volleyball players my sister dates.

When in doubt, I'll mutter my catchphrase: "Ai ya!"

MC Chris saw Revenge of the Sith.

I'm seeing MC Chris on Thursday, the same night as the Revenge of the Sith premiere here in Westwood.