The triumph of our tired eyes

1. Set your TiVos.

"Phil's busy."
"Damn. Well, who's available?"

That Oprah needs to ask why men go to strip clubs is an insult to common sense.

2. Name that ethnicity!
a. Tedy Bruschi
b. Scott Podsednik

No answer key because I honestly don't know.

a. Latino?
b. Half-Japanese?

3. I caught a few minutes of Vampire Bats.

When a swarm of bats attacked partiers on a boat, I beheld computer-generated bats superimposed over footage of actors losing their shit. Not added in; no, superimposed!

Later, Lucy Lawless handled a goat named "Sheneneh," as in Martin Lawrence's sitcom neighbor.

Can't wait for this week's follow-up Category 7: The End of the World*.

"Gina Gershon stars as FEMA director Judith Carr."


*last year's Category 6 was merely a "day of destruction"

4. Mel Gibson: Saddam Insane?

5. Don't try this at home.