Lazy Saturday

20 things we would rather do than hear that "Beverly Hills" song ever again:
1) Visit the dentist
2) Wait in line at the DMV
3) Live in Arkansas
4) Vote
5) Zip our dicks up in our jeans
6) Fall into the gorilla exhibit at the zoo and get gang raped by all the gorillas at once
7) Read
8) Make out with Rip Taylor
9) Accidentally sit on our nuts
10) Skin our dickheads with a carrot peeler
11) Watch Bushwick Bill from The Geto Boys fingerbang our sisters
12) Deliver a retard baby
13) Wax Buzz from The Melvins' back and taint
14) Masturbate with broken shards of glass
15) Tattoo an un-circumcised dong onto our chests
16) Funnel stomach bile mixed with trucker cum and "rrhea"
17) Sew vagina lips onto our forehead
18) Shave Oprah's gunt
19) Titty-fuck Star Jones
20) Go to the Warped Tour without a gun

1. (above) Buddyhead's Best and Worst Records of 2005

2. The Second Annual MySpace Stupid Haircut Awards

3. The "burrito artists" at the local Chipotle always ask if I want lettuce in my burrito. Who puts lettuce in a burrito?