I'm not crying, my eyeballs are sweating

A Scanner Darkly wristbands

Way more fashionable (and nihilistic) than the promotional wristbands for The Island, which were basically rubber bands.

The reverse side of each Scanner band is embossed with the statement "Everything is not going to be OK."

Most of the following are, but not all.

documentary about Baltimore area residents who staunchly partake in an elaborate live action role-playing game

Despite the film's intention not to mock its subjects, the cynic in me felt they mocked themselves.

Little Miss Sunshine
Jonathan Dayton | Valerie Faris | Greg Kinnear | Toni Collette | Steve Carell | Alan Arkin
dysfunctional family road trip dramedy

Long-delayed cinema debut of the directing team behind the video for "Tonight, Tonight" by the Smashing Pumpkins.

A few predictable and contrived moments aside, one of the better films I've seen this year.

Features music by DeVotchKa and Sufjan Stevens.

As with most of its releases, Fox Searchlight arranged a ton of free promotional screenings. RSVP today.

The Foot Fist Way
Clerks + Tae Kwon Do + Napoleon Dynamite sensibility

Derails in the middle and never fully recovers, but entertaining enough.

Set to be the first release from Will Ferrell's production company.

The Office + public school teachers

Best of show.

Written by and starring actual teachers and their students.

Both this film and Little Miss Sunshine use "Chicago" by Sufjan Stevens. Asthmatic Kitty must not charge very much to license songs.

Strangers With Candy
Amy Sedaris | Stephen Colbert | Matthew Broderick | Philip Seymour Hoffman
David Letterman | Paul Shaffer

Evokes the narrative cadence of Scary/Not Another Teen/Date Movie. How can all this talent produce something so mediocre? I wondered.

A Scanner Darkly
Richard Linklater | Keanu Reeves | Robert Downey Jr. | Winona Ryder | Radiohead

Competent, but not particularly enjoyable. Would probably work better as a short.

Contemporary Hollywood has yet to figure out how to satisfyingly conclude adaptations of Philip K. Dick.

Wassup Rockers
Larry Clark | Janice Dickinson
Ferris Bueller's Day Off + Crash

Leave it to the director of Kids and Ken Park to gussy up a simple odyssey &#151 Hispanic skater boys from South Central wandering through Beverly Hills &#151 with tonally incongruous gay pedophilia and firearm homicide.

Superman Returns
Bryan Singer | Brandon Routh | Kate Bosworth | Kevin Spacey

Too long, not enough action &#151 same problems I had with X2.

All Superman seemed to do was lift shit.

I've read complaints that there was never any sense of danger because Superman is pretty much a flawless character.

Superman = Jack Bauer?

Seeing Kumar from Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle assault Superman amused me.

He's like Lady Deathstrike in X2, the mute Asian henchman.

The Aura (El Aura)
The Talented Mr. Ripley + Ocean's Eleven

Captivating, but ultimately forgettable.

The Beach Party at the Threshold of Hell:
The History of New America, Part 1

Mad Max + The History Channel + Robert Rodriguez

Like many "midnight movies," sounds better than it actually is.