West Coast Customs

I saw a car today with a bumper sticker that read: "Marriage = Man + Woman."

Why would anyone so publicly court ridicule?

In my life, I've yet to see a bumper sticker that enhances the image of the driver of a car. Putting a bumper sticker on your car is like drawing a dick on your own face while you're asleep.

I saw a bumper sticker recently with the word "Dad" sandwiched between two rainbow-colored stripes. Is the driver of the car a gay dad or the dad of a gay? I wondered.

I also saw a license plate frame that read "Legal Alien," which thoroughly perplexed me. Is the driver of the car a conservative being cute? A prudent Mexican? An 18-year-old extraterrestrial?

If you must use your car as a soapbox, speak clearly. I want to be able to judge you immediately.