My aunt said something to my cousin Emily. Emily looked at me and laughed.

Ha ha?

My father's siblings all married Japanese people, so all my relatives on my father's side primarily speak Japanese with each other instead of Mandarin or Taiwanese. Family gatherings require translation both ways.

Fortunately, Emily grew up in America and speaks fluent English. I'd only seen her twice before, so we caught up.

20. Lives in Atlanta with her boyfriend and his parents. Studying to be a dentist. Camped out for a PlayStation 3. Sold it on eBay for $2,000. Spent $15,000 souping up her import car. Street races guys. Likes bowling, Counter-Strike and One Tree Hill. Doesn't like walking.

She doesn't like walking.

Emily's stepfather is a sushi chef. My mother told him that I like mackerel sushi. He offered to prepare some for me.

After lunch, we all headed to a nearby Korean supermarket.

'Twas a sight to behold — Chinks and Japs in a Gook market on Christmas Day.

My cousin Pluto (he named himself) on my mother's side visits the Bay Area this week with his five-year-old son Ethan. I haven't seen Pluto in over a decade.

Pluto's cunt wife left him and he has to commute between Shanghai and Taipei for work, so his sister Pei-Yu and her Turkish husband Nadir are adopting Ethan. Apparently, Ethan is the youngest Taiwanian ever to receive a student visa.

Last I heard, Nadir might accept a job in Calgary, which would, of course, further complicate matters.

Pei-Yu moved to America in her 30s to study forestry in Texas. Next thing I knew, she had eloped with a Turk in Wisconsin.

Conversing with Pei-Yu in English is definitely unnatural, but I don't want to exclude her husband from anything.

He is, after all, family.