An 18-month-old girl, hospitalized last week after an object was jammed down her throat by 16-year-old boy, died of her injuries Wednesday.

Police said the object had been inserted into her mouth deliberately, but investigators have not yet figured out why.

"This was not as a result of play." He would not say what the object was. [source]


reading my local paper's weekly entertainment guide

» Half-page ad. Twelfth Night. Image of Shakespeare with beatnik sunglasses and a goatee. Odd… Oh. "Shakespeare's celebration of love in all its magical permutations gets a song-filled reimagining in the City by the Bay, circa 1967." Gag.

» Comedy listing. "Chopshticks, a stand-up showcase featuring Jewish comedians and Chinese food." Yid and yang, heh. "What's the deal with MSG?"

» Ooh. Sports listing. "Saturday, Logitech Ice hosts a free curling open house." I've wanted to try out curling shoes since the last Winter Olympics.

» Television listing. Elmo's Christmas Countdown. "Guest actors include Steve Schirripa and Tony Sirico (of 'The Sopranos') as a real-life Bert and Ernie." I can't tell if the writer is serious.

» Small ad. "Rosicrucian Order." [enters URL] Cuckoo!

» Side ad. The Celebrity Showroom at John Ascuaga's Nugget hotel in Reno. "Disco Dance Party, December 31. The Comstock Cowboys, January 5. Boyz II Men, January 19-20." Oof. Shouldn't have waited until the water ran dry to release Evolution.

» Full-page ad. The Christmas Music of Mannheim Steamroller, "The #1 Christmas Recording Artist in History." As seen on Tool Time.

» Quarter-page ad. Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. "Special midnight shows tonight!" Please, Sony, Apatow's not THAT popular.

» Half-page ad. "The Prom Expo (Ultimate Teen Experience!) Starring National Recording Artist Omarion."

1. Why does a high school dance need its own expo?

2. Where does "prom expo" rank among gigs for musical artists? I say below a county fair but above a hotel in Reno.

3. Is Omarion the one who stabbed himself in the eye? Young, black, male R&B singers are nigh indistinguishable to me.

» Oh man… Dear Abby:

I have found the man I will be with for the rest of my life. We are very happy and very much in love.

Every since I was about 9, my mother and I have had our palms read, our tarot cards done, charted our birth signs, etc.

When I was 17, our palm reader proceeded to tell me about my life and explained that my first husband will die. Abby, I can't stop thinking about this, and when I do I can't hold back the tears.

I need some relief from my fear because I'm afraid that when we're married I'll always be waiting for the day my husband doesn't come home.

Miserable in Milwaukee

» Comics. Dennis the Menace. Dennis sees his parents embraced and kissing beside a Christmas tree. Caption: "You guys are makin' up already? That wasn't much of a fight." Domestic disputes — HI-larious.

» Secret Asian Man suuuuucks.

Muslims don't wear nice clothes! Burn!

Garfield Minus Garfield