Nothing Gold Can Stay

The dance floor at a hipster party looks like it should be surrounded by quotation marks. While punk, disco and hip hop all had immersive, intimate and energetic dance styles that liberated the dancer from his/her mental states – be it the head-spinning b-boy or violent thrashings of a live punk show – the hipster has more of a joke dance. A faux shrug shuffle that mocks the very idea of dancing or, at its best, illustrates a non-committal fear of expression typified in a weird twitch/ironic twist. The dancers are too self-aware to let themselves feel any form of liberation; they shuffle along, shrugging themselves into oblivion.

Hipster: The Dead End of Western Civilization
Rating The Anagrams of Recent Bands/Albums That Have Been Reviewed At
a pilot for a "celebreality" series following wrestler Kurt Angle
Ludacris releases song titled "Politics: Obama Is Here"

Put me in office, make me your Vice President
Hillary hated on you, so that bitch is irrelevant

Paint the White House black and I'm sure that's got 'em terrified
McCain don't belong in any chair unless he's paralyzed

Obama issued a response today, stating: "Get out my business, my bizNASSS! Stay the fuck up out my bizNASSS!"

I stumbled upon the MySpace page for the band Sky Eats Airplane.

The quintuplet looks like actual quintuplets.

So I was driving behind a minivan today that had those stick figure family decals on the back window.

Can you imagine a polygamist's car? That is a lot of stickers. [source]

What happens when parents divorce? Stick daddy re-locates to the opposite end of the window. With the stick dog.

Crazy cat lady's stick family.

Dwarf parents of normal-sized children, ascending slope.

Susan Smith's boys:
"Mommy, how much longer to the lake?"
"10 minutes."
"Hey, what happened to our stickers?"

How about Calvin peeing on a stick figure family?

I almost wrecked my car today because my head was elsewhere.

Where, you ask?

Odd that Australia is the fattest country in the world, because all I ever hear is how athletic Australia is. They love sports! They're so active! Thorpedo!

New Zealand is like Australia's Ireland.

Who would win in fight: New Zealand or Ireland? Maori warriors, drunk belligerent Irish.

Taiwan should fight Madagascar on the undercaOH SHIT!

When my car doesn't drive smoothly on the freeway, I begin to panic that it has a flat tire.

"Is this what driving with a flat tire feels like? Please don't be a flat tire. I don't carry a phone with me and can't locate the parking brake, let alone change a tire!"

Similarly, when my stomach doesn't feel right, I begin to panic that my appendix will soon burst.

"The pain is in the area…"

I'm tempted to have my appendix removed just so I can rule out appendicitis as a possibility.


  1. Cangrejero 31 Jul 08 at 08:41

    I gotta say, being at a show where people (okay, hipsters) fight their way to the front so they can cross their arms and look disinterested while the PBR dangles from one hand is really annoying… especially when they give you dirty looks for any inadvertent contact you might make with them while dancing.

  2. lozo 31 Jul 08 at 09:12

    The Sky Eats Airplane movie, starring:

    Sean William Scott as Jerry Roush
    Joseph Gordon Levitt as Johno Erickson

    "I have the bass, I have the power!"

  3. ernest riles 31 Jul 08 at 12:27

    good to see that the "Noun + Verb + Noun" Band Name Generator is still alive and well.

  4. Sizzler 31 Jul 08 at 13:36

    I wish I had a pack of vinyl decal penises and orifices so everytime I saw one of those vinyl decal families I could turn it into an orgy.

  5. Forest 31 Jul 08 at 14:29

    Maybe hipsters are lacking in passion at concerts because they're the first generation that hasn't really had to pay for their music. Getting music from the internet doesn't require much of an investment beyond time and a few mouse clicks. Lack of investment means you don't have to be passionate about the music, whereas when you buy an album, you're almost required to like it.

  6. KM 31 Jul 08 at 16:39

    Methinks calling hipsters harbingers of the end of Western Civilization is a bit melodramatic.

  7. Cangrejero 31 Jul 08 at 17:41

    That's a fantastic observation, Forest. Although I think it's also equal parts this.


Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.