Battle of the Bods
Five girls in bikinis rank themselves in order of attractiveness and try to match the rankings of a panel of male judges. [source]

How did I this show slip my radar until now? It's The Newlywed Game + Are You Hot? + Next.

» Is Dustin Pedroia balding?

» What I learned from watching 30 minutes of Ace Ventura Jr.: Pet Detective on Cartoon Network: Ace Ventura's shtick is a Y-linked genetic disorder.

» I frequently see an ad on Hulu for the University of Phoenix in which a middle-aged Indian man says, "My parents sacrificed quite a bit to provide me with an education." And you reward their sacrifices by attending an online university?

Alternate: "My parents sacrificed quite a bit to provide me with an education." They obviously didn't sacrifice enough.

» Sean Hannity never earned a college degree. In fact, he dropped out of college twice. Glenn Beck never attended college at all.

• The Turd Twister

» My parody of Eminem's new single would be called "Lick a Butthole."

So lick a butthole
Slurp it, don't be subtle
Standard oral sex is for prudes who like to cuddle

» The House Bunny, Miss March – Evidently, Playboy is still relevant enough to be its own comedy subgenre.

» I bought a pack of ChapStick at Walgreens for $4.99 and then saw the same pack at Target for $2.99. Fuckin' Walgreens… Can you return ChapStick?

» "Rebel" on Heroes is such an embarrassingly terrible idea. Who would use "Rebel" as an alias? Also: Dan Byrd is naturally too geeky to play a rebellious teenager.

twitter portends a future where more famous people get addicted to twitter, thus constantly reporting on themselves and obliterating the celebrity gossip industry [source]

brainstorming:
» Twitter / Teller (@Penn)
» Twitter / Charlie Brown's teacher
» Twitter / Edward Scissorhands
» Fake Undertaker
» Fake Jennifer Lopez tweets "I'm real"

related: Xzibit vs. Hipster Runoff