"Who is the quarterback for the Falcons? I'm blanking."
"He's white. He played for Boston College."
"Goddammit! What is his name?"
"I'm not football-retarded! I can name every starting quarterback in the NFC except this misterfalcon!"
"Okay, I can't name the quarterback for the Buccaneers either. Whatever!"
It's time once again for… Which one of my football teams will torment me more this season: the Bruins or the Bears?
Last year, I (correctly) picked the Bruins.
This year, I…
[looks at octopus]
"He ate both mussels. What does that mean?"
• Hipster Hitler
• Joel McHale Shirts
• perhaps the most horrific and hilarious climbing experience I have ever witnessed