"Find something you're passionate about," they say.

And you try, for almost two years, but always end up circling back to office assistant job listings on Craigslist, none of which pan out, as employers feel that you are not passionate enough.

Jack of all trades, masturbate to none.

You atrophy existentially, cursing your young, healthy body.

You increasingly doubt that a change of scenery would help.

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