Death or Glory

Notes on the alleged London Olympics closing ceremony:

  1. Opening scene – "Rush Hour"
  2. Emeli Sandé – "Read All About It"
  3. Julian Lloyd Webber – Elgar on Cello
  4. Street Party "Notting Hill" theme
  5. Madness – "Our House"
  6. Parade of 160 Coldstream Guards to Blur's "Parklife", led by Ray Winstone and/or Phil Daniels

A march to a military band rendition of "Parklife" led by Ray Winstone? Phil Daniels at least narrates the song.

  1. Pet Shop Boys – "West End Girls"
  2. One Direction – "What Makes You Beautiful"
  3. Ray Davies – "Waterloo Sunset"

One Direction straight into The Kinks.

  1. Entrance of National Flags and 10,000 athletes
  2. Victory Ceremony – with footage of Olympic highlights
  3. Elbow – "One Day Like This" and "Open Arms"
  4. Symphony of British Music
  5. George Michael – "Freedom" and "White Light"
  6. Kaiser Chiefs – "Pinball Wizard"

Why are Kaiser Chiefs performing "Pinball Wizard" when The Who are perfoming too? Arctic Monkeys performed "Come Together," but that was Lennon song.

  1. Tribute to British Fashion – Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell, Stella Tennant, Lily Cole and Georgia May Jagger to David Bowie's "Fashion"
  2. Annie Lennox – "Little Bird"
  3. The Clash – "Should I Stay or Should I Go"

The Clash?!

Dunno how I feel about The Clash performing without Joe Strummer. Granted, Mick Jones sings lead vocals on "Should I Stay or Should I Go," but still…

  1. Ed Sheeran – "Wish You Were Here"
  2. Russell Brand with French and Saunders – "Pretty Vacant"

Russell Brand's Sex Pistols cover is a comedic one. Super.

  1. Fatboy Slim – "Right Here, Right Now"

Of all the songs to exhume Fatboy Slim to perform, you choose "Right Here, Right Now"?

  1. Jessie J – "Price Tag"
  2. Tinie Tempah – "Written in the Stars"
  3. Taio Cruz – "Dynamite"

Taio Cruz is English?

  1. Tinie Tempah and Jessie J – "You Should Be Dancing"
  2. Liam Gallagher OR Manic Street Preachers – To Be Confirmed
  3. Eric Idle – "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"

"Liam Gallagher OR Manic Street Preachers."

  1. Russell Brand – "I Am the Walrus"

Russell Brand is performing two songs, while Ali G is performing none.

  1. Queen and Jessie J – "We Will Rock You"
  2. Take That – "Rule the World"

Dunno how I feel about Queen and Take That performing without Robbie Williams. Jessie J on vocals for "We Will Rock You"?

That's a lot of Jessie J.

  1. Flag Handover Ceremony
  2. Darcey Bussell dancing to "Spirit of the Flame" – Flame is extinguished
  3. The Who perform finale
  4. Fireworks display from roof of Olympic stadium

No Rolling Stones, Elton John, or Spice Girls. And where is Coldplay?

Oh. Coldplay is headlining the London Paralympics closing ceremony, because of course they are.

All things considered, it's a solid line-up. Remember, Vancouver trotted out Nickelback, Avril Lavigne, and Simple Plan.

The ceremony should end with Jonathan Pryce strapped to a chair humming "Brazil."

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