Predatory Glow

// Starbucks Coffee

Pepe: Why is your iPhone in a Ziploc bag?
Jon: To protect the screen.
Pepe: [pause]
Jon: It doubles as a case.

Pepe: At least use a snack-size bag.


// CVS Pharmacy

Cherry ChapStick, Cherry ChapStick… Cherry ChapStick!

$1.99. Hmm… I feel like I could get it for less at Safeway. But I don't want to stop at Safeway.

Oh. Blistex Complete Moisture is 2 for $3.00, and each bundled with a bonus ¾-size stick.

But the last time I used Blistex Complete Moisture, it destroyed my lips – contact dermatitis, angular cheilitis.

But I used Blistex Complete Moisture exclusively and regularly for seven years without incident. That could've just been an aberration.

$1.99 for one, $1.50 for one point seven five…

One day later:
FUUUUUUCK! MY LIPS!


// Dentist Cousin's Office

Jon: I know, I know. My mouth looks gross. It's just petroleum jelly.
Gladys: I see. So what's up?
Jon: Can I get some universal barrier film for my iPhone screen?

Jon: Do you have any clear film? Or just blue?

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