Bitch got a dancing horse

Previously on Adam Riff™:

A few more ideas:

» The amount of champagne available for a team to celebrate with depends on how many runs they scored against and how many batters they struck out on the team they just beat. One standard bottle for every strike-out, two standard bottles for every run scored, and a bonus Nebuchadnezzar bottle for every home run. So for a division-clinching game, less champagne, but for a championship series, the potential for torrential champagne.

» Power plays. Every time a pitcher walks a batter, someone on the fielding team must enter and sit inside a penalty box until the half-inning ends or a run is scored. So if a pitcher walks three consecutive batters, then the bases are loaded with, say, two outfielders and the shortstop boxed up – a 6-on-4 situation.

» August is Loan Month. Teams can borrow players from other teams to improve their record. Borrowed players just need to be returned by the end of the month.

I think Breast Cancer Awareness Month would be more effective if, instead of being aware that stuff is pink, you noticed women without breasts.

Instead of a pink wrestling ring rope or a pink first down line, replace backstage and sideline reporters with women who have had double mastectomies, and have them report topless. Look at what breast cancer wreaked. LOOK!

Strike a deal with PornHub so that, for the month of October, all the women in their videos are missing one or both breasts. "Want full-breasted porn back before November 1? Reach this donation goal."

What if the singer P!nk gets breast cancer?

At last Saturday's Ohio State vs. Northwestern football game, Wildcats fans chanted Fall Out Boy's "My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)" à la "Seven Nation Army." A Chicagoland anomaly, or will Pete Wentz's legacy be a jock jam?

1 Comment

  1. hugo 10 Oct 13 at 22:45

    linking to buzzfeed is a new low, yu. also why do you want my number? im scared that you have it and have yet to make contact. the suspense is not killing me. can't believe im writing something more than 140 characters right now


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