Jon: Hey mommy.
Mom: He lives!
Mom: To what do I owe the pleasure?
Jon: I have a problem.
Jon: I… Uhhh… Heh. How do I say this? [clears throat] Bloody semen.
Jon: I, you know, aaaaaand it was bloody.
Mom: You ejaculated blood?! Like, a severed artery?
Jon: No! No… Picture…lightly-mixed cherry Fage yogurt.
Mom: Coming out of your urethra.
Jon: Erm, yes.
Mom: I told you to stop running so much.
Jon: Mommy, running doesn't make your penis bleed! You're thinking of nipples! I suspect it's another kidney stone.
Mom: Alright, well, Jimmy's dad is a urologist. I'll consult him.
Fissure of the nipple is also known as jogger's nipple, runner's nipple, red eleven, raver's nipple, big Q's, red nipple, stingers, weightlifter's nipple and gardener's nipple, athlete's nipple, or nipple chafe.
• Runner's knee
• Golfer's elbow
• Nintendo thumb
• Jogger's toe
• Surfer's ear
• Tennis elbow
• Tennis toe
• Turf toe
• Cello scrotum
Cello scrotum is a hoax medical condition originally published as a brief case report in the British Medical Journal in 1974.
The original letter was written by Dr Elaine Murphy but signed by her husband as a joke to compare with a previous letter regarding guitar nipple, a condition reportedly occurring when some styles of guitar playing excessively irritate the player's nipple, which Murphy and her husband believed was likely a joke.
• Coalworker's pneumoconiosis
• Radium jaw
• Jeep bottom