American Male Wellness

// Las Vegas, NV

I always regret all-you-can-eat sushi.

All-you-can-eat sushi is cruel and unusual punishment.

You're literally killing people with kindness.


"Can I see identification?"
"Uh… Shit."

While cashing out chips, I discover that I left my wallet at the craps machine I was gambling at.

The cashier doesn't let me run back to the craps machine to check for my wallet because I could be trying to defraud the casino.

A security officer arrives.

Security Officer: What's your name?
Me: Jonathan Yu.
Security Officer: Oh, we just picked up your wallet! We share the same birthday: October 6, 1982.
Me: Huh. The exact same.

I study his visible head.

Who looks older? Black don't crack, but Asian don't raisin.

Cashier: There was $155 in your wallet when we found it. For me to return it, I need you to sign this form.
Me: Uh… Do you have $2 bills? $4 of that $155 was two $2 bills.
Cashier: Let me check.

Cashier: This case is so fresh that I can return the same bills that were in your wallet!

The most luck I had this trip.


I enter an elevator containing an Asian lad wearing a Lil Nas X hoodie.

Lil Nas X has merch?


A young Asian man approaches me.

"Excuse me, do you have a minute?"
"Uh…"
"Have you heard of the female image of God?"

Bruh. We're in a Vegas resort and casino. Do you have to do this now?

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