Chad: I can eliminate my team with four interceptions.
Jake: I can eliminate my team with five interceptions.
Chad: Okay, eliminate your team!

Previously on Adam Riff™:

An African (continent) man approached me and asked if my company manufactures spy cameras.

My boss returned to our booth after exploring the show floor.

"Look what I found – spy cameras! Eh? One masquerades as a pen in a shirt pocket. Another masquerades as a badge holder."

Across from our booth is a booth showcasing audio equipment, primarily by blasting Blondie's "Maria" non-stop.

If Jews are so cheap, they wouldn't pay for booths at CES and abandon them on the Sabbath.

I saw in ad in Daily Variety for the USO.

"Hundreds of entertainers traveled with USO Tours to more than 144 military bases around the world in 2008."

The ad listed a few of said entertainers.

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, Robert Downey Jr., Elmo…

ELMO?

"The effect they had on the morale of our troops was immeasurable."

I saw an Asian man named "Jack Fok."

A minute later, I saw an Asian man named "El Wang."

Lulz.

"They call him…El Wang!"

I met a Singaporean man who paid $1200 USD for a flight from Vegas to Los Angeles. I don't think that's even possible!

It sucks when you catch a lead only to see that he or she is a local. Go away, locals! I'm trying to network!

• A variety of Japanese electronics companies are stepping forward to make sure your sex life remains a source of shame and humiliation
• Chicago's Meatloaf Bakery
• Obama iMini Pet iPod Dock is Either Offensive or Fantastic