AOL Time Warner must have something against me. In 1998, Entertainment Weekly published a letter by Jose crediting them for his victory in Jonathan Yu's first-annual Stupid Little Oscar® Game which, in turn, made me look like the biggest ignoramus in America. I remember he…
Date Archives July 2001
Smooth Criminal
"79% of women are unaware of the fact that 'cum' is a fat coagulant. That is the nutritional equivalent of negative 500 calories per gram. So if any of you woman out there would like to lose a few pounds, I am here to help."…
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 No Backsies
Recently, Entertainment Weekly published its annual It List, showcasing the "100 most creative people in entertainment." What they forgot was that the entertainment industry isn't very creative to begin with, so the list basically consists of the least uncreative people in entertainment today. But what…
Don't Judge a Gook by Its Cover
What's brown and pink and yellow all over? Me. The fuckin' total head sunburn I received courtesy of the Warped Tour is finally goin' away. Whoo! First, the skin on my head, baked until red, hurt like fuck. Then, the skin on my head turned…
Goat Punishment
Just my luck. The Warped Tour played three stops in southern California, and I chose to attend what was billed as the largest Warped show ever. Apparently, the promoters thought it would be cool to pack 30,000 people into the tiny parking lot area surrounding…