Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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27. Opening Statement (Search Party, S03E06)

Stray Observations

  • "She didn't do it. She couldn't have. I'm a doctor, and people with freckles are pretty tame and sensitive." (Search Party, S03E02)
  • Lady Bird (Search Party, S03E02)
  • Tosh.0 (Search Party, S03E05)
  • "He's taken a vow of silence this week to honor anyone who's suffering." (Search Party, S03E05)
  • "Women get scrutinized. Men get pastas." (Search Party, S03E05)
  • ♫: Mk.gee – "Over Here" (Search Party, S03E05)
  • "Okay, well, I'd like to start things off by just floating a theme out there."
    "Oh, my God, a theme, how fun."
    "Attention."
    "You love attention, right?"
    "Uh…yeah, I think it's safe to say Marc and I love attention."
    "Extravagance."
    "Desperation."
    "Indulgence."
    "Plethora."
    "Attention."
    "I love it! Marc, do you love it? I mean…"
    "I really need to lie down. I'm– I'm just too happy."
    "Can someone get him some juice or something?"
    "Oh, no, sweetie, we only have grenadine."
    "Oh, that's perfect."
    "Okay."
    "It's all so tasteful."
    "I know. I know, sweetie." (Search Party, S03E05)
  • "Okay, would you rather be forced to have sex with a kangaroo on a game show, or have your throat cut out with a dull saw by your own clone?" (Search Party, S03E05)
  • "I'm Charlie Reeny reminding you that the Second Amendment is never going away." (Search Party, S03E06)
  • "I hate her."
    "I wish you could still hit women." (Search Party, S03E07)
  • "So, that guy, he's– he's dead."
    "Yay!"
    "Oh, my God. Portia, aren't you a Christian?" (Search Party, S03E08)

"Excuse me, sir, could you please put that out? You're not allowed to smoke on the bus."

(Search Party, S03E09)

  • "Your Honor, I would never get breast implants."
    "Order! Ladies, please. Let's leave the female form out of this." (Search Party, S03E09)
  • "Your Honor! My clients are not on trial for having sex with food!" (Search Party, S03E09)
  • Search Party Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Great
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: What We Do in the Shadows

Group Economics

on

Thinking about all the conditions that need to be met in order to wear this shirt:

• Your father is alive
• Your father is a veteran
• Your father is wearing something military-related
• Your father is American
• Your father is beside you
• No other men who look like they could be your father and/or are wearing something military-related are around you two

I reduced my love

on


$45?!

Japan's Capcom Cafe is currently Resident Evil 3-themed.


2. Jill Sandwich


Proper Nemesis Burger


Blanka omurice from the Street Fighter V-theme earlier this year

America's COVID-19 Cafe:

Skewered fries.

Magic Shell with "I Can't Breathe" written on it in nonpareils.

Frozen daiquiri in a two-yard-long plastic souvenir cup.

Sparkling Consequences

on

For those who want to see every option, there's a lot. 6 skin types, 35 hairstyles, 17 eyes, 8 eyebrows, 17 eyes, 17 mouths, 17 jaws, 17 ears, 8 bits of "cyberware" (as well as no cyberware), 9 types of scars plus off, 6 types of tatts plus off, 11 piercings plus off, 5 types of teeth, 8 bits of eye makeup, 5 bits of lip makeup plus off, 3 blemishes, 3 types of nipples, 5 types of body tatts, 2 types of body scars, 2 dick types, 1 vagina option, dick size options, and 5 types of pubic hairs.

Two dick types but only one vagina?

Given dick size options, I assume the two dick types are circumcised and uncircumcised. Native and neophallus?

Rory: Grower and show-er.

Who is gonna opt for a small dick?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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26. Opa Dope (Celebrity Show-Off, S01E01)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "She's going to make us go to the house party, and I don't want to be talking to basketball players all night. Or my neck to be hurting me, or for my brain to be parched, thirsty for substance. I want quantum physics, my height."
    "Okay, well, fine, we'll go to the cafe. The ceilings are usually low there, isn't it? I think they actually do that on purpose to keep the basketball players out." (I May Destroy You, S01E03)
  • ♫: Daft Punk – "Something About Us" (I May Destroy You, S01E03)
  • "And if you, you know, were a metal album, you'd be Appetite for Destruction. You know…"
    "What? What— GNR is not even metal." (Harley Quinn, S02E13)
  • "This is for you, Timothy Burton!" (Harley Quinn, S02E13)
  • Harley Quinn Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Great
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: What We Do in the Shadows

Riddle-Solving Content Creator

on

According to the complaint, filed in the Superior Court of California, Estavillo suffers from several medical issues that require him to rely entirely on the internet for all of his entertainment, as well as OCD and sex addiction, which the complaint claims Twitch only makes worse.

"Twitch has extremely exacerbated his condition by displaying many sexually suggestive women streamers through Twitch's twisted programming net code," the complaint states, "making it nearly impossible for the plaintiff to use Twitch without being exposed to such sexual content."

Estavillo, who is following 786 female streamers and 0 male streamers according to the complaint, argues that the site doesn't offer a way to filter streamers by gender; therefore, he's forced to choose a "game and/or category to watch, with thumbnails showing these scantily clad women, alongside men, of being the only streaming channels available to him."

Schmeat Flowers

on

You know, I've come across all sorts of Asian tacos, but never a teriyaki one.

Japan's "world taco" should be a fish one, no?

I'm surprised that Choco Taco hasn't experimented with alternate flavours. Imagine: Japanese Kit Kats, but Choco Tacos.

"Ice cream fans and taco lovers can finally come together"? Who wrote this copy?

Brown sugar boba ice cream bars have quietly been flying off shelves this year.

Major props to Taiwan for inventing boba.

Now I want mango sticky rice ice cream bars.

Halo-halo paletas? …would kill on Instagram.

Whole Foods Market sells chips made out of everything: beets, cauliflower, lentils…

…chicken breasts.

50 people sitting in the dark eating corn

on

According to excerpts from John Bolton's tell-all, President Trump became obsessed with delivering the perfect gift to North Korean leader Kim Jong-un in 2018: a signed CD that contained Elton John's hit song "Rocket Man," which was not signed by John, but rather by Trump himself. [source]

"Getting this CD to Kim remained a high priority for several months."

1917, but the two soldiers are dispatched to deliver a burned CD to Kim Jong-un.

It's a data disc with one 128 Kbps MP3 file on it.

The cast of 30 Rock is reuniting for an NBCUniversal upfront special, which means that all the casts of NBC's miracle Must See TV line-up — Community, Parks and Recreation, The Office, 30 Rock — will have reunited this year.

Also reunited this year: the casts of Frasier and Just Shoot Me.

I wonder how AT&T feels about paying each cast member of Friends between $2.5—3 million to reunite when other casts are doing it for free.

I wonder how the cast of Friends feels about pocketing between $2.5—3 million to reunite when most of their peers did it for charity.

In their defense, they closed the deal in February and no one told them life was gonna be this way.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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25. Blackest Moments in Movie History (Sherman's Showcase Black History Month Spectacular, 19 Jun 20)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Wait, the last time she went that hard on margaritas it was Week-o-Day-Mayo." (Insecure, S04E10)
  • "You made me order five quesadillas for the table even though you were the table." (Insecure, S04E10)
  • ♫: G Perico – "Big Raccs [feat. Sonny Digital]" (Insecure, S04E10)
  • Guisados (Insecure, S04E10)
  • "Pan the camera to the right."
    "It doesn't pan."
    "How does it not pan?"
    "Get you a camera that pans, man!" (Insecure, S04E10)
  • "Okay, real talk, my inner black woman looks just like you."
    "Okay, real talk, my outer black woman needs you to shut the fuck up." (Insecure, S04E10)
  • "Come on and Tase me. I've been Tased before. Tase me again. I survived."
    "I mean, Tiff said you peed yourself."
    "Stop talkin' about my piss right now." (Insecure, S04E10)
  • "Tragic." (Insecure, S04E10)
  • "What are you fighting for right now?" (Insecure, S04E10)
  • ♫: Saba – "Busy/Sirens" (Insecure, S04E10)
  • ♫: Tyler, the Creator – "Are We Still Friends?" (Insecure, S04E10)
  • Insecure Season Grade: C
  • ♫: Subculture and Rachel Chinouriri – "The River Bend" (I May Destroy You, S01E02)
  • ♫: Easy Life – "Nightmares" (I May Destroy You, S01E02)
  • Top Chef Season Grade: C
  • Sy Headroom (Harley Quinn, S02E12)
  • "Don't get your onesie in a wad. I got a couple of things up my sleeve."
    "Two very short arms?"
    "God damn it, I was trying to think of a really cool Wesley Snipes-style one-liner and you had to go–"
    "Wesley Snipes? When's the last time you saw a fucking movie?" (Harley Quinn, S02E12)
  • "I don't know how to do this! Kites are electricity-free. I went to Oberlin!" (Harley Quinn, S02E12)
  • "Okay. You know what? I can't wait around until you graduate from DeVry!" (Harley Quinn, S02E12)
  • "You're just a loser who puts on a hat to look cool."
    "Basically, everyone on Tinder."
    "Yeah, a lot of hats on Tinder."
    "A lot of hats." (Harley Quinn, S02E12)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Great
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: What We Do in the Shadows

Yacht Club

on

I can't stop looking at this restaurateur:

She defied a stay-at-home order, because of course.

COVID-19 needs a better publicist.

What happened to stories on infectees and victims?

All I see nowadays are reports on numbers – rising numbers, record numbers.

Who are these numbers?!

Meanwhile, I know every black person who has been killed this year.

Safe, beautiful, elegant justice

on

To the Max will "feature stories about ordinary people achieving their maximum potential when they transform into extraordinary superheroes with the help of Max the dog."

The superheroes are named Hector, Brian, and Olivia because the first letter of their names spells out HBO.

The comics are "chock-full of Easter eggs and fun nods to much of the 10,000 hours of premium content currently available on the streaming platform."

Disney turned Hulu into a Marvel comic book

Amazon turned Prime Video into a ComiXology Original

ViacomCBS turned CBS All Access into a Simon and Schuster graphic novel

Comcast turned Peacock into a Philadelphia Flyer