Adam Riff™

22. Zach Sashimi (Jackass 4.5)

Honourable Mention

• Ugly Sonic (Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers)

Stray Observations

• "Somebody called me a 'fuck fuck'?"
  "Rob Reiner, 1994, at the Ghosts of Mississippi audition." (Barry, S03E04)
• Joe Mantegna's restraining order (Barry, S03E04)
• "This is worse than Tony Danza." (Barry, S03E04)
• "You do not look old enough to have an abused daughter." (Barry, S03E04)
• "Great penis." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E04)
• "Humanity has progressed to the point where we usually wear pants when we eat fruit with other people." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E04)

(The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E04)

• "How are the shingles?"
  "Do you know, I… I think I pooped when you hugged me, they hurt so bad, but…" (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E04)
• "In science, everything is error until the day it isn't." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E04)
• "I think we need to go look at some women. How 'bout we hit up that Millstream?"
  "That farm-to-table strip joint?" (We Own This City, S01E04)
• "You smell good for a white girl." (We Own This City, S01E04)
• "75 percent of that body weight is ass." (We Own This City, S01E04)
• "You robbed the midget stripper?" (We Own This City, S01E04)
• "I didn't know you had it in you, Kwapis. The dirty tricks."
  "I don't like it, but I am a student of Nixon. Cynthia Nixon. You remember when she ran for governor of New York?" (Mr. Mayor, S02E10)
• "You son of a bitch! Diarrhea's mine, Bremer." (Mr. Mayor, S02E10)
• </Mr. Mayor, S02>
• ♫: Dashboard Confessional – "Vindicated" (The Staircase, S01E05)
• ♫: Juvenile – "Slow Motion" (The Staircase, S01E05)
• "You're not a Nazi, huh, Staircase?"
  "No, of course not. I voted for Gore." (The Staircase, S01E05)
• "If Roman Reigns gets to AEW, you can DM my ex-boyfriend." (Hacks, S02E03)
• "Hello, Deborah. We miss you. And we wanted to tell you someone was a very brave boy about getting his anal glands expressed today." (Hacks, S02E03)
• "Oh, look at his little doggy dick." (Hacks, S02E03)
• "Everybody read Little Women in school, baby. I went to school with white folk." (Hacks, S02E03)
• "Oh, no. She's doing Ellen." (Hacks, S02E04)
• "No, Summer, don't be one of those women. You don't wanna look like Susan from Guess Who." (Girls5eva, S02E05)
• "If you were a poker hand, you'd be four jokers and a piece of shit." (Girls5eva, S02E05)
• "I'm worse than Robin Thicke."
  "No one is worse than Robin Thicke." (Girls5eva, S02E05)
• "You want a lawsuit?"
  "No, courtroom lighting is really bad." (Girls5eva, S02E05)
• "Don't you have people that work for you who can deal with this?"
  "Honey! I'm the head of the goddamn studio. I am the fucking people that deal with this." (The Offer, S01E06)
• "Barry, if you don't order steak, I'll stick you with a fork. Oil people, they don't trust fish." (The Offer, S01E06)
• Alexander Skarsgård dancing to Ashanti (Atlanta, S03E10)
• "The bread was worth the wait." (Atlanta, S03E10)
• "She has blood on a baguette that she's carrying around." (Atlanta, S03E10)
• "I might lose the Baby Shark movie now." (Atlanta, S03E10)
• "We both met while we were stripping on that river cruise." (Atlanta, S03E10)
• "We've been chasing hands all day?" (Atlanta, S03E10)
• "Bitch, this is a whole hand." (Atlanta, S03E10)
• "Don't you have to pee on someone?" (Atlanta, S03E10)
• "May I offer you some champagne? Cheese or grapes?"
  "No, I had, like, two bottles of Powerade for lunch." (Atlanta, S03E10)
• [urine continues]
  "[gurgling] Stop."
  ♫: Ludacris – "Splash Waterfalls" (Atlanta, S03E10)
• </Atlanta, S03>
• ♫: The Pharcyde – "Passing Me By" (Shining Girls, S01E06)
• </Shark Tank, S13>
• ♫: CMAT – "I Don't Really Care for You" (Conversations with Friends, S01E01)
• ♫: The Sei – "Let It All Go" (Conversations with Friends, S01E01)
• ♫: Alexi Murdoch – "All My Days" (Conversations with Friends, S01E02)
• "You're so handsome."
  "I thought you were attracted to my personality."
  "Do you even have one?"
  "Um… Okay, bye." (Conversations with Friends, S01E03)
• ♫: Cassandra Jenkins – "Michelangelo" (Conversations with Friends, S01E03)
• ♫: The Anxiety – "Meet Me at Our Spot" (Conversations with Friends, S01E04)
• ♫: James Blake – "Atmosphere" (Conversations with Friends, S01E05)
• "Who is he?"
  "A med student who loved Yates."
  "Is that bad?"
  "I practically had to stop him from reciting The Lake Isle of Innisfree."
  "Wow, I feel terrible for you having young men recite verse to you in bars."
  "And the sex wasn't good."
  "Well, of course, no one who likes Yates is actually capable of human intimacy." (Conversations with Friends, S01E08)
• ♫: The McTague Twins – "Peach Plum Pear" (Conversations with Friends, S01E08)
• "Everyone's always going through something, aren't they? Just life, basically. Just more and more stuff to go through. Nobody's going through nothing." (Conversations with Friends, S01E10)
• "People think in couples. We have to work really hard to resist it." (Conversations with Friends, S01E12)
• "Every forehead I look at reads lines of sorrow." (Conversations with Friends, S01E12)
• ♫: Phoebe Bridgers – "Sidelines" (Conversations with Friends, S01E12)
• "I have this impulse to be available to you. All the time."
  "Nick."
  "Yeah?"
  "Come and get me." (Conversations with Friends, S01E12)
• </Conversations with Friends, S01>

(Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers)

21. Blackness Tribunal (Atlanta, S03E09)

Honourable Mention

• Chet Hanks' Joker impression after singing country (Ziwe, S02E02)
• Master Chief sex scene (Halo, S01E08)

Stray Observations

• </Winning Time, S01>
• "Oh, I have deodorant. I'll get it. I have the good kind. The cancer kind!" (Barry, S03E03)

(Barry, S03E03)

• "So, you were a Marine?"
  "Mm-hmm."
  "I do CrossFit with a lot of Marines."
  "Oh, that's cool."
  "They're always telling me like, 'Dude, you totally could've been a Marine.'" (Barry, S03E03)
• "Thank you for teaching me how to right my wrongs, Mr. Manity."
  "Please, call me Hugh." (Barry, S03E03)
• "I mean, Barry is…Greek Freak of assassins, okay?" (Barry, S03E03)
• "You somehow managed to be roiling in contempt for him while drowning in Kahlua. Kahlua, in the 21st century." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E03)
• ♫: Pastor T.L. Barrett and the Youth for Christ Choir – "Like a Ship" (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E03)
• "You know, you say things without understanding context."
  "That seems to be the strategy here. The misperception regarding communication on this planet is the illusion that it has taken place." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E03)
• "This is you."
  "Yeah, I was blackout drunk."
  "But it is on the internet. You chose a font." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E03)
• "If we don't, we're done by 2030."
  "2030? Where did you get that? I can't hedge chaos."
  "Chaos is why humans exist. Meteors and dinosaurs. Shifting land masses. Eclipses, plague, war. You rise and you adapt. You regrow your brains and you adapt." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E03)
• "You need to stay in here and not come out. Unless you have a staple gun, then we'll be fine." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E03)
• "No, no, no. No. We don't engage with birds." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E03)
• "Quit bragging, dude."
  "That's the way it is man. Hey, you got a big dick, you wear tight pants." (We Own This City, S01E03)
• "Politics drains the souls of righteous people." (We Own This City, S01E03)
• "What is this shit right here, man? What the fuck is this bougie-ass bottle, man? What the fuck is Pat-Ron, anyway?" (We Own This City, S01E03)
• "Hello. Just to save us a lot of questions, I'm Filipino." (Mr. Mayor, S02E09)
• "I love when hot people are bad at things." (Mr. Mayor, S02E09)
• "You need to be ready to tell the mayor you quit."
  "But the man I turn to when I'm confused is the very man you want me to betray."
  "Well, good luck with that, Iago."
  "I'm the parrot from Aladdin? No, he's so mean!" (Mr. Mayor, S02E09)
• "Gru is just the latest in a long line of masters you've served. Dracula, a T-Rex, Ryan Murphy." (Mr. Mayor, S02E09)
• "Don't psychoanalyze my pot pie, all right?"
  "Okay, okay. I just meant that, you know, the last time you did this was when Carrot Top ghosted you."
  "Well, if he didn't wanna date, then he should've had an adult conversation."
  "I told you to never date a comedian and you're way out of his league."
  "Yeah, I'm out of Carrot Top's league." (Hacks, S02E01)
• ♫: Pastor T.L. Barrett and the Youth for Christ Choir – "Nobody Knows" (Hacks, S02E01)
• "I'm getting a massive ice luge." (Hacks, S02E01)
• "I lost half a million on that house because of you being a little mold bitch!" (Hacks, S02E02)
• "And the timing of that is bad 'cause, Jimmy, I want a blow job in Mallorca."
  "Oh."
  "Yeah."
  "That sounds like a great setting for that."
  "So I help you make an email disappear. You help me get my balls drained. Well, ball. You know, I'm a survivor."
  "Mm-hmm." (Hacks, S02E02)
• "'I actually think Deborah Vance is the perfect comp for your horrible boss character in Bitch PM.' Their show is about a prime minister. Who is a bitch."
  "Yeah, got that." (Hacks, S02E02)
• "It's only a 52-week course."
  "52 weeks? That's a whole year, Barbara."
  "It's actually a little bit longer, because they don't meet the weeks of Christmas and Hanukkah and Halloween."
  "They don't meet the week of Halloween?"
  "Yeah, Joyce, the woman who runs it, is really into Halloween, and she throws a great party every year, but you have to come in costume."
  "Hold on, are you friends with this person?"
  "Not anymore, because I came one year not in costume and she got really mad at me."
  "So the anger management course woman got mad?"
  "Well, you know, it's like, those who can't do, teach." (Hacks, S02E02)
• "You got a big date?"
  "I cannot disclose the size of the man I'm meeting. I signed an NDA with The NBA on TNT."
  "Oh. Well, that's how most great love stories start." (Girls5eva, S02E04)
• Business Throne (Girls5eva, S02E04)
• "Summer, if I could give you some advice from my own life… I cannot. I signed an NDA with The NBA on TNT." (Girls5eva, S02E04)
• "He's got an empty earring hole. That means secrets." (Girls5eva, S02E04)
• "I wonder how many helicopters we're gonna see."
  "If I could go back in time, I would've blasted on your mother's stomach. Fuck off, son!" (Girls5eva, S02E04)
• "Censored and I are gonna go public with our relationship."
  "Hey, that's progress."
  "In Q1 of 2023, after he wraps a reality show about finding his soulmate. It's called Love Shaq, a pun on nothing and spelled the normal way." (Girls5eva, S02E04)
• "It's called Chinatown. I read it over the weekend, actually, in one sitting."
  "Is this the one with the winning combination of incest and water rights?" (The Offer, S01E05)
• ♫: Loose Ends – "Hangin' on a String" (Atlanta, S03E09)
• Kevin Samuels (Atlanta, S03E09)
• "My friend was dating a Black guy, and he got accepted to all his colleges on a free ride."
  "What was his name?"
  "I don't remember, but regardless, he's probably gonna stay in school for one year and then go straight to the NBA. Oh, yeah. I remember now. Zion Wilson. Williams…son." (Atlanta, S03E09)
• ♫: Shai – "If I Ever Fall in Love" a capella cover (Atlanta, S03E09)
• Stankonia album cover (Atlanta, S03E09)
• "Take him to White Grady."
  "You mean Emory?" (Atlanta, S03E09)

(Atlanta, S03E09)

• "Not gonna lie, you look pretty rough here."
  "They only use the glamour shots if you get killed, so…" (Shining Girls, S01E05)