Shout-out to his family

Idea: Newspaper comic strips as daily live-action TikToks. Keep up with the times. Or just adapt old strips into TikToks. @Cathy lives!

Idea: A 'Karen video' clip show. Whidiculousness. The Goop?

There are 507 episodes of Ridiculousness?!

Idea: A hidden camera show in which white women act a Karen in public for money. Mo' problems, mo' money. What the women don't know is that their marks are actors and that the show is actually about how far people will go for money.

Idea: Survivor: Cops vs. Blacks. Cast cops of all races.

Idea: Survivor: Whites vs. Blacks. The twist is that the jury is a group of Asian and Latinx bystanders, not eliminated castaways. Also, instead of hidden immunity idols, the jury can save two contestants after votes have been cast.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

23. Planets Only! (Rick and Morty, S04E09)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • Alexander Hodge's terrible Mandarin (Insecure, S04E07)
  • ♫: 03 Greedo and Kenny Beats – "Soul Food [feat. Buddy]" (Insecure, S04E07)
  • ♫: Chris O'Bannon – "S.A.D.D [feat. D. Cut]" (Insecure, S04E07)
  • "Hotel room lotion is just for white people." (Insecure, S04E07)
  • ♫: Niña Dioz – "Salsa" (Insecure, S04E07)
  • "But first, you gotta eat this ass." (Insecure, S04E07)
  • "So, uh, where you guys coming from?"
    "Oh, Puerto Vallarta."
    "Dope."
    "Mm-hmm, you?"
    "Uh, Frisco."
    "Oh! 'You got it, dude.'" (Insecure, S04E07)
  • "I'm sorry that I never finished your book or saw your talk."
    "It's all fucking bollocks anyway."
    "I was jealous."
    "I know."
    "Fucking asshole. [pause] Show it to me."
    "My asshole?"
    "No, your talk!" (Run, S01E07)
  • Run Season Grade: D
  • "Oh, my God, grandpa, you fuck boi."
    "I'm not a fuck boi, Summer! There's no way those kids are mine."
    "Wow. At least we know why Rick actually came on the trip – to avoid his fuck guy problems."
    "Why would this person lie?"
    "I don't know, honey. She's addicted to what the Rick did." (Rick and Morty, S04E09)
  • "Camping is just being homeless without the change." (Rick and Morty, S04E09)
  • "What the hell is that?"
    "The unproductives. Goddamn it! How are there so many of them?"
    "Unproductives?"
    "Yeah, DJs, foodies, influencers. I just re-circulate them through until—shit, they blew a hole in the human resources department!"
    "We gotta fix this, dad. We can't keep recycling them through."
    "I could add an online college workaround."
    "Or just push them out through a pipe in the back."
    "Same thing." (Rick and Morty, S04E09)
  • "Pump those cheeks. That's the camping spirit." (Rick and Morty, S04E09)
  • "If I die, don't eat my ass." (Rick and Morty, S04E09)
  • "I'll handle the off-brand Yahweh." (Rick and Morty, S04E09)
  • "You used to feel empowered by me."
    "I used to feel scared." (Mrs. America, S01E09)
  • "Still, today, we select our leaders first by eliminating women, then minorities, then those with too little education." (Mrs. America, S01E09)
  • Mrs. America Season Grade: C
  • "Did you really write 'Come on Eileen'?"
    "Yes, I did. I wrote this melody in 1852. It was called 'Chum on Irene.'" (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E08)


(What We Do in the Shadows, S02E08)

  • "♫ Stroke, stroke, stroke your cock / Hurry, make it cream / Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily / Life could use more cream. ♫"
    "What I love about it is you wouldn't expect it to rhyme 'cream' with 'cream.'" (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E08)
  • "But no one has even heard most of these songs. 'Witches Are Snitches,' 'Horsedrawn Carriage [Full of Ass],' 'Wannabe.'" (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E08)
  • "Is that real blood?"
    "I vape it." (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E08)
  • "Oh, my darling, all of our greatest hits have been songs that really captured the spirit of the time, like, um, the one about the Olympics."
    "Oh, yes."
    "♫ Pole vaulting, long jumping, we're all quite impressed / Tell us, Mr. Hitler, what do you have planned next? ♫" (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E08)
  • "Are there any places in America that are further away than Delaware?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E08)
  • "Listen to me, little man. From Panera Bread you came, and to Panera Bread you shall return." (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E08)
  • "♫ My baby's gone, got me feeling so low / My Lindbergh baby, where did he go? ♫" (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E08)
  • "You haven't had an original idea since 1925, when you decided to go down on me for the first time in 200 years. Biggest mistake I ever made. You said I tasted like goats' cheese." (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E08)
  • "♫ Are you calling from afar? / No, I'm calling from my car / But how can that be? / Electronically / Cellular telephone craze ♫" (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E08)
  • "The Seafaring Song" (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E08)
  • "I got you this."
    "Aw."
    "It's for beating off purposes." (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E08)
  • ♫: Toots Earl and Etienne Lecomte – "When I Meet My Maker" (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E08)
  • "But now it will be a premier resort destination for A-Listers only. Hadids and above." (Harley Quinn, S02E09)
  • "Okay! I get it! There's poop everywhere! Look. That was a very compelling argument, with impressive choreography, but I remain unconvinced."
    "Well, how about this? If you don't get married, hundreds of thousands will die, and most likely lead to the extinction of two proud shark bloodlines."
    "Okay, see, that feels like what the song should've been about."
    "Mmm. It's more difficult to find rhyming patterns with that subject matter."
    "Okay, I'll consider marrying Tabitha, but only to stop the two families from warring. Not because I can shit anywhere in the ocean." (Harley Quinn, S02E09)
  • "Shit. Which HDMI port did you use?" (Harley Quinn, S02E09)
  • "I trust you with my life, but I don't trust you with my heart." (Harley Quinn, S02E09)
  • "Your happy trail. It's not happy. It's ecstatic." (Betty, S01E05)
  • "For two grand a day, they can cornrow my bush." (Betty, S01E05)
  • "Bring me the black girl, the one with the tummy fur." (Betty, S01E05)
  • "Right now, you're middle class. Give me low class. Yes, no privileges. Now give me ghetto, ladies! Give me food stamps, WIC vouchers, baby daddy, church lady, bouffant wig, Cardi B, tongue pop, Nene Leakes, plonk, plonk, [clicks tongue]. Yas! Give me trap house. Out of the plantation. Escape to freedom. Escape to freedom, but commercialized. Okay, go get your purple drank, baby." (Betty, S01E05)
  • "Shall I eat your pussy?"
    "I…have blood."
    "Which I like in a sausage, but not a pussy." (The Great, S01E08)
  • "I will bring wheat every day, and one day, you will piss a crop of baby." (The Great, S01E08)
  • "When you're young, you have hope and call it destiny. When you're old, it becomes fate." (The Great, S01E08)
  • "Marial, I will not fuck my way to support." (The Great, S01E08)


"I've called for 104 melons." (The Great, S01E08)

  • "How else would we know you fucked a horse?"
    "What? I did not."
    "Doesn't matter if you did. Now people think you did. What we discovered, the first lie wins." (The Great, S01E08)
  • "Ow! It's a girls' tactic! Girls' tactic!" (The Great, S01E08)
  • "Hugo is a delight. And Agnes, I need to fuck against a tree." (The Great, S01E08)
  • "We're Russian. We don't give a fuck how many of us die." (The Great, S01E08)
  • "Does this mean lunch is canceled?"
    "And me fucking you against a tree – also canceled." (The Great, S01E08)
  • "The freedoms you believe in are wonderful. But you need a break, or they will wash your floppy blond self into the sea."
    "She better mean my hair." (The Great, S01E08)
  • ♫: Suzi Quatro – "The Wild One" (The Great, S01E08)
  • "Snacks and drinks may be your natural role." (The Great, S01E09)
  • "The mule kicks pleasantly." (The Great, S01E09)
  • "Poor Nick, from…Tartar Land?" (The Great, S01E09)


(The Great, S01E09)


(The Great, S01E09)

  • "Loosen a person's ball bag, it seems to loosen their tongue." (The Great, S01E09)
  • "It is a flaw for a leader to want love so much." (The Great, S01E09)
  • "Remember, think of our glorious future, and not the searing pain in your balls." (The Great, S01E09)
  • "Perhaps instead of testing our loyalty, he should just inspire it." (The Great, S01E09)
  • "You know, as a young girl in church, I was fascinated by the icons of the saints bleeding. What's it called?"
    "Stigmata."
    "Exactly. And then at 14, my blood came in, and I thought I might be a saint, too. Perhaps all women are saints with their monthly stigmata." (The Great, S01E09)
  • "Did you just call me a dumb whore?"
    "I more implied 'smart whore.'" (The Great, S01E09)
  • "You apparently cannot eat pussy." (The Great, S01E10)
  • "Most women die with an unsaid better idea in their hearts." (The Great, S01E10)
  • "Right, Volti?" (The Great, S01E10)
  • "I can't kill him in front of Voltaire!" (The Great, S01E10)
  • "'It has been fun, and I have liked you a small portion, and enjoyed fucking you, despite being unable to eat pussy well. The noble emperor's love is pure. He is a noble soul who can eat pussy, as you well know. P.S. I was sticking it in Marial's ass most days.'" (The Great, S01E10)
  • "You don't know it's a boy."
    "He feels dumb, so I suspect it strongly." (The Great, S01E10)
  • "He is my heart."
    "For now. Tomorrow, he is run over by a carriage, fucks another, or catches syphilis in his throat and French kisses it into your mouth and you go mad and die worthlessly."
    "You are an unexpectedly dark character."
    "I would not seek enlightenment if I did not think we all flailed in the dark." (The Great, S01E10)
  • "My fate was always you. Yours, always Russia. […] I will haunt you."
    "Promise it. (The Great, S01E10)
  • The Great Season Grade: A
  • "The sheikh, he's radical, bro. Like, cool radical." (Ramy, S02E01)
  • "I only ever think about me, and I hate it." (Ramy, S02E01)
  • "Since you ejaculated, have you showered?" (Ramy, S02E01)
  • "So you think the hot chocolate might make them Muslim?" (Ramy, S02E02)
  • "Is Verizon selling Polos? I'd get one, man. You ever go in the store and see the workers? They look so comfortable." (Ramy, S02E02)
  • "Oh, Brother Dennis, every Muslim believes in Jesus." (Ramy, S02E02)
  • "Pussy, Muslim. Pussy, Muslim." (Ramy, S02E02)
  • "Yeah, I can get us a, like, an Uber or a Lyft. I know both are morally compromised." (Ramy, S02E03)
  • "I'm so glad I joined Muslim before I came to prison. You know, we look out
    for each other. We got our own community. I ain't gonna get raped because of Islam, inshallah."
    "Wow, yeah, inshallah, man. That's, um…that's a really good point, I think. That's a beautiful part of the faith, like, we always say that, right?" (Ramy, S02E03)
  • "I don't have any water to make wudu, and, uh, I farted back there when we were walking, so I don't even have wudu 'cause of the fart." (Ramy, S02E03)
  • "You look at everything as a blessing or a curse, Ramy. The truth is, everything is both. We have to see the blessings in the curses and be wary of the curses in the blessings." (Ramy, S02E03)
  • "She doesn't seem to know how to play basketball." (Ramy, S02E03)
  • "Okay, obviously the whole Quran is bars, okay? I'm talking about you sleeping on Al‐Rashid specifically, okay? I'm talking about some real lo‐fi, underground recitation, man. I'm talking about just a whole new flavor. Sorta reminds me of when Avicii dropped." (Ramy, S02E04)
  • "Arabs hate dogs, Ramy." (Ramy, S02E04)
  • "You have a favorite Quran reciter on SoundCloud?" (Ramy, S02E04)
  • Mia Khalifa (Ramy, S02E04)
  • "Trust me, this man was chosen. He's the LeBron James of praying." (Ramy, S02E04)
  • "And I knew that if I drank her breast milk, my body would understand. I cannot jerk off to my own mother."
    "Yeah, that-that's a really good point." (Ramy, S02E04)
  • "Muslim countries consume more porn than anyone else. The men who are yelling at me are the same men who are clicking on me." (Ramy, S02E04)
  • "I've collected lions, tigers, bears, white people."
    "White people?"
    "I own a few in Minnesota." (Ramy, S02E04)
  • "If I were white, I would let her kiss me." (Ramy, S02E04)
  • "Ramy, I'm gonna tell you what my teacher told me a long time ago in all her wisdom: I don't know." (Ramy, S02E04)
  • "At times, there's a conflict of interest between being a father and a sheikh."
    "Yeah, no, I get that. It's, like, uh, like when LeBron had to be nice to China. You know, like, usually he, like, is really politically active, but he couldn't say anything 'cause of Space Jam." (Ramy, S02E04)
  • "No one gets married and has kids without losing their hair." (Ramy, S02E05)
  • "This incense was first used by the ancient Egyptians, not the Indians who use it for yoga." (Ramy, S02E05)
  • "Are you gonna act like they don't cut clits off where you're from?" (Ramy, S02E05)
  • "They were singing loudly the song by that woman Lizard, that one who's happy
    because she's so fat." (Ramy, S02E06)
  • "I dropped they off at their home." (Ramy, S02E06)
  • "Hello, they." (Ramy, S02E06)
  • "English is not my first language, and I am always worried that I will sound silly when I use weird words. I just say what my eyes see, and I see a man wearing, like, a woman's dress, pretending to be a woman, and you say you are not a man, nor a woman, so now, I know that you are nothing." (Ramy, S02E06)
  • "We have to call Lyft." (Ramy, S02E06)
  • "First, I went to their place and wanted to talk to they." (Ramy, S02E06)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Great
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: What We Do in the Shadows


Light summer ahead:

Human Capital Stock

// Los Angeles to San Francisco

I see a sheriff's car entering the roadway and slow down. It moves behind me and flashes its lights.

Really? Goddammit.


Sheriff: Do you know how fast you were driving?
Jon: No…?

I did.

Sheriff: No?! 90 in a 65.

But everyone drives 90+ on this stretch of I-5…

Sheriff: I smell weed.
Jon: What?
Sheriff: Show me your weed.
Jon: Uhh… There is no weed in this car.

And if there was, it would be gummy and ursine.

Sheriff: Do I need to bring the dog out?

You're driving around with a weed-sni—

Jon: The dog won't find anything.

The sheriff calls his partner over.

Sheriff: I smell weed faintly. Do you smell it?
Jon: Oh, you know what? You may be smelling my air freshener. It's…sage and citrus. I didn't buy it. Someone bought it for me.


Sheriff: Can I see your vehicle registration and insurance?

I hand the sheriff my registration and insurance cards.

Sheriff: These are both expired.
Jon: What?

Shit, I didn't switch out the insurance card in my wallet.

Fuck, did I renew my registration?

Guh, how many points is this now?


Sheriff: I'm excusing your lapsed registration because DMVs have been closed. Your court appearance will be in Lamont.

Pfff! I ain't driving out to Kern County to contest a speeding ticket.

What if I received a speeding ticket while driving out to contest a speeding ticket?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

22. Zoom Goldberg (Mythic Quest: Quarantine, S01E10)


Stray Observations

  • Alice in Wonderland (Mrs. America, S01E08)
  • Jo and C.W. videoconference (Mythic Quest: Quarantine, S01E10)

Stray Observations

  • The Last Dance Season Grade: C
  • "Pretty Girl County ain't shit." (Insecure, S04E06)
  • "Girl, we drunk. Everything is exciting." (Insecure, S04E06)
  • "Well, if you like hood niggas, you gotta go below the 10. But if you like artsy niggas, you can go to Los Feliz or Silver Lake. And if you like rich niggas, you gotta go to Ladera. If you like earthy niggas, you can go to Leimert Park. If you like your niggas with a little zest, you can go to West Hollywood. Ooh, if you like married niggas, you can go to Pasadena. Or Altadena. Really any of the Denas." (Insecure, S04E06)
  • ♫: Megan Thee Stallion – "Hood Rat Shit" (Insecure, S04E06)
  • "I need a bathroom."
    "Just go in the fuckin' woods!"
    "No, I need a proper bathroom."
    "I don't care. This is a small town, Ruby, people will see you."
    "Well, I don't care who sees me! I'm innocent, and I have my period!" (Run, S01E06)
  • "Great to nearly hear you again." (Run, S01E06)
  • ♫: Suzi Quatro – "Born to Run" (Run, S01E06)
  • "Stugots!" (Rick and Morty, S04E08)
  • "It's a good idea, Rick! A device that lets you—"
    "Save your place like in a video game but in real life so that you can try stuff and then go back to your save point—yes, Morty, I saw it on Futurama." (Rick and Morty, S04E08)
  • "Oh shit! Suicide by cop! I love these!" (Rick and Morty, S04E08)
  • "I don't respect time travel. If Ant-Man and the Wasp can do it, I'm not interested." (Rick and Morty, S04E08)
  • "That's right, you little bitch! It's The Prestige! You Prestige'd yourself!" (Rick and Morty, S04E08)
  • "Moscow Morty" (Rick and Morty, S04E08)
  • "I mean, if you're doubting if that's really acid and not just Jacuzzi-heated Mountain Dew…" (Rick and Morty, S04E08)
  • "In case of ladle" (Rick and Morty, S04E08)


(Mrs. America, S01E08)

  • "I really am very hungry."
    "They're still serving food at the gay lounge." (Mrs. America, S01E08)
  • "We mean no harm. We're just walking in your shit pipe." (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E07)
  • "'Shanghai sucked. Where was the Chinatown?' 'Jason Mraz is just too weird for me.' 'Jesus actually hates horses.' 'Childhood obesity? LMFO.' 'Women are getting too tall.'" (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E07)
  • "I don't know how to play the piano, so I use a Zune." (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E07)
  • "He just told people that I live in my mother's basement. 'Actually, I live in my own basement, dumbass.'" (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E07)
  • "What is it?"
    "This thief."
    "Thief? Chop his hands off. Don't embarrass him." (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E07)
  • "I smell the death on you."
    "Oh, that's just my body spray. It's Axe." (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E07)
  • "'If my dick is a pencil, then why am I using a keyboard to write?'" (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E07)
  • "Guillermo, why is there all this dust on the floor in the shape of a body? Were you trying to make a girlfriend out of dust?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E07)
  • Nadja echolocating (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E07)
  • "You remember my crew, don't you? […] Ken, the zombie of my former accountant. Some of our newer members: Neil, Patrick, and Harris. And Elvis."
    "Elvis, you traitor." (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E07)
  • "Sorry, Fred Mercury, but I am the champion." (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E07)
  • ♫: Ofege – "It's Not Easy" (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E07)
  • "She's nothing but a polyp up my bunghole. Irritating? Sure. Uncomfortable? Absolutely. Horrifying to sexual partners and oftentimes a deal breaker? Definitely. But nothing that a doctor-prescribed cream can't take care of."
    "That is…a lot of specific knowledge about anal polyps." (Harley Quinn, S02E08)
  • "Señorita, can we get four mimosas and an order of your mashed avocado?" (Harley Quinn, S02E08)
  • "How would one even procure a Mother's Box?" (Harley Quinn, S02E08)
  • "I promised myself I'd never kill an old person. I'd let the American healthcare system do that." (Harley Quinn, S02E08)
  • "If saving Gotham means I have to gun down another lady clown, then so be it." (Harley Quinn, S02E08)
  • "My God! Gaping sphincter in the sky." (Harley Quinn, S02E08)
  • ♫: Aska Matsumiya – "Vibez" (Betty, S01E04)
  • "I feel like you're a cashed-up bogan."
    "A cashed-up bogan? David, Poppy is being mean in Australian." (Mythic Quest: Quarantine, S01E10)
  • "Everybody Hurts" (Mythic Quest: Quarantine, S01E10)
  • "I gotta babysit y'all and homeschool my own kids at the same time? Carol can't. Did you know they changed math? They just up and changed how you do math." (Mythic Quest: Quarantine, S01E10)
  • "No, 'fewer' modifies plural nouns. 'Less' modifies singular. You can't have less female candidates. You can have fewer, and you should."
    […]
    "That's pretty good. You know what? I like her. She should talk more. You should talk fewer. See how stupid that sounds?"
    […]
    "If you want this to be really cool, we're gonna need more people. Preferably men." (Mythic Quest: Quarantine, S01E10)
  • "Last night was all right? As you'd imagined?"
    "To be honest, it was brief."
    "Brief is often a relief." (The Great, S01E01)
  • "Take the empress to the other ladies and speak of hats." (The Great, S01E01)
  • "Women are for seeding, not reading." (The Great, S01E01)
  • "'Man will never be free until the last king has been strangled with the entrails of the last priest.'" (The Great, S01E01)
  • "It's moose lips mousse. Is it not divine?" (The Great, S01E01)
  • "I'm lonely for family, friends, fun, ideas, strawberries."
    "And I need my cock sucked." (The Great, S01E01)
  • "Married to an idiot. This has never happened to a woman before." (The Great, S01E01)
  • "Ever since I was a child, I felt like greatness was in store for me. A great life, I felt. Like God himself had spat me forth to land on this Earth and in some way transform it. That I was here for a reason, a purpose."
    "Why did He make you a woman then?" (The Great, S01E01)
  • "Hmm. Toosh."
    "What?"
    "Toosh."
    "Do you mean touché?" (The Great, S01E02)
  • "Are you apologizing to me?"
    "I'm looking forward, not dwelling. It is hell to dwell. It is a saying I just made up." (The Great, S01E02)
  • "Bring in those Swedish heads. We will eat dessert under their beady gaze."
    […]
    "Would you like mine? It matches your hair." (The Great, S01E02)
  • "I promised myself a great love. That didn't work out. Then I realized…it is a great life that I want." (The Great, S01E02)
  • "The blini must be lighter, with a hint, a fucking hint, of rosemary, not a fucking ballbag of it." (The Great, S01E03)
  • "Peter the Fun." (The Great, S01E03)
  • "Empress, I will unprise my member." (The Great, S01E03)
  • "How was your evening?"
    "Avoided rape. You?"
    "Same. If anyone ever invents something easier than buttons, we are all in trouble." (The Great, S01E03)
  • "Do it well or I will cut your perfect cock off." (The Great, S01E03)
  • "It's a nice old guy, the patriarch. He was very close with my mother."
    "Should I suck your cock?"
    "What?"
    "Sometimes you like that when you talk of your mother."
    "Not now. A kind thought, though. Thanks." (The Great, S01E04)
  • "Have you ever fucked a horse?"
    "A what? No."
    "Well, I assumed not, but it never hurts to ask." (The Great, S01E04)
  • "Oh. I've not been in here since your father had an orgy one night and a man put a carrot in my asshole." (The Great, S01E04)
  • "A man should be friends with his wife's lover. My father taught me it is the only way things go well and do not end in bloodshed. Grigor, do you agree?"
    "Indeed."
    "See, Grigor and I love each other. This morning, I ate a fig out of his wife's pussy, and here we are."
    "What?"
    "It is a bond unbreakable." (The Great, S01E04)
  • "You were a pleasure I decided to take to slake my curiosity." (The Great, S01E04)
  • "I don't like eating moose lips, but everyone's always going on about them." (The Great, S01E04)
  • "To cry is very Russian." (The Great, S01E04)
  • "I will pull out your tongue and eat it with a nice salsa verde if it moves again." (The Great, S01E04)
  • [sic] Macaroon giving (The Great, S01E05)
  • "Not enough dead Swedes, so we're dressing our dead in their uniforms, so as to make a victorious pile." (The Great, S01E05)
  • "Oh, Grigor. Try this black bread with moose lips. Makes my cock hard. Which, considering your wife, is a feat." (The Great, S01E05)
  • "The fear is that it may be cholera."
    "Cholera?"
    "Which I suspect he will have caught from a possessed, nocturnal animal. Probably a badger."
    "Where would he have come across a possessed badger?" (The Great, S01E05)


(The Great, S01E05)

  • "He must avoid all blue food." (The Great, S01E05)
  • "I have regrets. Things I wish I'd done. I wanted to rename July after myself. Call it 'Peter.'"
    "It's a wonderful idea." (The Great, S01E05)
  • "Putting your cock in Madam Dymov does not get Catherine pregnant. Although, how fabulous if it did. By doing it to someone, you could get someone else pregnant, or fellate one man and have another feel it." (The Great, S01E06)
  • "Go seed your wife." (The Great, S01E06)
  • Lemon tops (The Great, S01E06)
  • "I mean, why make fruit that looks like pussy if He does not wish us to eat pussy and have fun?" (The Great, S01E06)
  • "They are the future."
    "Why do people say that? As if the future is, by its nature, better than the past, or a progression, rather than a setback." (The Great, S01E06)
  • "I feel like an agave muffin." (The Great, S01E06)
  • Sex with Peter's mother's skeleton (The Great, S01E06)
  • "I once walked in on you when I was young, having peacock feathers inserted into your arsehole by Lady Svenska."
    […]
    "Good luck with the Emperor. I hope it's not un‐pheasant. Oh, come on. That was a good one." (The Great, S01E07)
  • "Peter has shown you my special tongue trick. I remember the first time it was used on me. I was 14, and my math tutor was endeavoring to teach me simple addition. It left me feeling truly wonderful. And with a great respect for the number 33." (The Great, S01E07)
  • "Where one's heart lies, and who blows their lump are two very different things." (The Great, S01E07)
  • "You are a tray of old food he has left outside his room."
    "A wig that has lost its shape and been replaced."
    "And you are fucking bitches."
    "Witty. I will put that in my new book of witty sayings." (The Great, S01E07)
  • "There's an outbreak of smallpox in the servants' quarters."
    "Don't fret, dear wife. We will quarantine them, and burn them so the disease is destroyed."
    "They do not all die."
    "They do, usually. It's a big fire." (The Great, S01E07)
  • "Just tell me any change."
    "My heart is broken."
    "I meant fever, or rash." (The Great, S01E07)
  • ♫: Sharon Van Etten – "[What's So Funny 'Bout] Peace, Love and Understanding? [feat. Josh Homme]" (The Great, S01E07)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Great
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: What We Do in the Shadows

Girls just want to have blood

Thinking about how Cineplex, already saddled with debt, now has a bunch of unusable playground equipment.

Idea: A tongue-in-cheek awards show necrology for collateral damage of COVID-19.

♫: Wiz Khalifa – "See You Again (feat. Charlie Puth)" ♫

"In Memoriam"

• Cheap Uber Pool rides
• Plastic bag bans
• Tableside guacamole
• Absentee Halloween candy bowls
• Airport spas
• Arcade rhythm games
• Asking for a cup for water and filling it with soda
• Begrudgingly letting someone else work in at the gym
• Blowing out birthday candles
• "Cash only"
• Complimentary valet parking
• Craps tables
• Destination honeymoons
• Establishing shots of Shibuya Crossing
• Haunted houses with bowls of cold spaghetti, Jell-O, and peeled grapes
• Kissing booths
• Little free libraries
• Miami's turnover chain
• Octogenarian immigrants picking through trash for recyclables
• Passing the dutchie
• Pretending to write a screenplay in public
Price Is Right contestants coming on down
• Sizzler's salad bar
• Suffering through opening acts at a concert to ensure a good spot for the headliner
• Supermen and Jack Sparrows who pose for photos with tourists
• Sushi boats
• The sweet, savoury aroma of a bacon-wrapped hot dog sold on the street by an unlicensed vendor
• Taking prom photos at IKEA
• Tech company shuttle buses in the carpool lane
• That container full of plastic chopsticks on every table at a pho restaurant
• The tiny house revolution
• Tough Mudder as a personality
• Videos of Black Friday stampedes
• Waiting room subscriptions to Highlights
• Human centipedes

Pasqually's Pizza

Four Kings is half hour scripted show about four best friends who live in the penthouse of the Cosmopolitan in Las Vegas.

Three of them are world class poker players and the fourth is a bookie who makes the line on absolutely everything.

Together they travel the world in search of the highest stakes games with the most colorful of characters.

With a loyalty and integrity level that is rarely seen, these four best friends stick together and watch each other's backs through everything that comes their way in their search for becoming world champions.

Without a COVID-19 vaccine, Four Kings is a period piece.

Set in a post-COVID-19, pre-vaccine world, however, it could be a perverse Entourage.


Oh yeah!!

Foreign countries tracking their self-isolation for 14 days after arrival – oh yeah!!


And Jeremy Piven.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


21. AJ Styles and Daniel Bryan brawl in Vince McMahon's actual office (WWE Money in the Bank, 10 May 20)


Stray Observations

  • "That bitch did not come to my celebration dinner. I pre-ordered a seafood tower for four."
    "That is a lot of mercury for three people." (Insecure, S04E05)
  • "That's a ban on the Badu." (Insecure, S04E05)
  • "Niggas always steppin' and repeatin.'" (Insecure, S04E05)
  • "I'm sorry it hasn't popped off yet. So many white people showed up, but I have faith in us." (Insecure, S04E05)
  • Aminé (Insecure, S04E05)
  • "What part of England are you from again?"
    "I am from Poppycock. It's in south central London, just a biscuit's toss and a fanny away from Benny Hill." (Insecure, S04E05)
  • "Look at you, out here tap dancing for the whites."
    "No, they're supposed to be here. They're sponsors."
    "I'm talkin' about her."
    [tap dancer on stage] (Insecure, S04E05)
  • "Wait, she keeps crying? What have you tried? Yeah, yeah, sometimes she just don't fuck with Peppa Pig." (Insecure, S04E05)
  • "Yes, come through, blacks." (Insecure, S04E05)
  • "Don't let somebody else's boices jeopardize your baracter." (Insecure, S04E05)
  • "Lesbian bouple moved in." (Insecure, S04E05)
  • "Nigga, you stay needing one little-ass favor." (Insecure, S04E05)
  • "Niggas can't have nothin'!" (Insecure, S04E05)
  • ♫: SiR – "You Can't Save Me" (Insecure, S04E05)
  • "I know she's got fucking kids, Fiona."
    "You knew?"
    "That's why I couldn't sleep with you on the train."
    "Why? 'Cause you thought that I would have a flappy vagina?" (Run, S01E05)
  • Phoebe Waller-Bridge's American accent (Run, S01E05)
  • "Who makes a Pornhub account?"
    "The algorithm learns your preferences better that way. Plus, if you get in kind of a cool enough relationship, you can sort of follow each other and check out each other's kinks, you know?" (Rick and Morty, S04E07)
  • "Congratulations on making it into print media. Real bright future there." (Rick and Morty, S04E07)
  • "Rick, I've watched enough Pornhub to know what a studio apartment looks like." (Rick and Morty, S04E07)
  • World Trade Center (Rick and Morty, S04E07)
  • "So you did a 9/11?"
    "Almost did a 9/11. We went with a Pearl Harbor." (Rick and Morty, S04E07)
  • "Sorry, Morty, we tried pussin' it. Time to go in hot." (Rick and Morty, S04E07)
  • "Let's lick tits." (Rick and Morty, S04E07)
  • "Morty, stop talking to your sister about jerking off. Everyone pretend podcasting isn't boring." (Rick and Morty, S04E07)
  • "Do you suffer from Alzheimer's? Do you suffer from Alzheimer's? Do you suffer from Alzheimer's?" (Rick and Morty, S04E07)


He's judging Restaurant Wars in Canada too? (Top Chef Canada, S08E05)

  • "And we have to get pro-family bakers, or we'll be stuck with a bunch of liberal recipes in our cookbook and force-fed ERA brownies, abortion cookies, and lesbian pies 'til kingdom come." (Mrs. America, S01E07)
  • "I am not a pirate." (Mrs. America, S01E07)
  • "I'm sick of shrinking our dreams to appeal to the middle." (Mrs. America, S01E07)
  • "You need to understand that to love completely requires learning to hate properly." (Mrs. America, S01E07)
  • "Very masculine. That's right. Scare him with your circles." (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E06)
  • "I had agreed to meet the Devil at an intersection of roadways, where we'd do a deal where I would become a much better guitarist." (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E06)
  • "You can do some impersonations."
    "[imitating Borat] My wife!"
    "There you go. Henry VIII." (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E06)
  • Pool cue lightsabers (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E06)
  • "Since then, I've found out there's an indie band also called Jackie Daytona operating in Texas. I listened to their music, and I'm pretty confident there's no conflict. And I have to say this, 'cause someone called 'Mark from Clearance' told me to." (What We Do in the Shadows, S02E06)
  • Whiskey and mayonnaise (Harley Quinn, S02E07)
  • Harley and Poison Ivy kiss (Harley Quinn, S02E07)
  • Shark Tank Season Grade: C
  • "Maybe we can just crush up some oregano and, like, put it in the oil and then just inject it back into the cartridges, like, make it stretch over a few pens."
    "No, that's not gonna work. Oregano's got, like, a seriously distinct flavor. You think people are trying to smoke pizza?" (Betty, S01E03)
  • "Karl does twisted shit like that, man. He's like the fucking booger man." (Betty, S01E03)
  • Written by Moshe Kasher? (Betty, S01E03)
  • ♫: Mogwai – "Sine Wave" (ZeroZeroZero, S01E02)
  • ZeroZeroZero Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Watchmen
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: What We Do in the Shadows

Sexy Kirby with tall legs

We don't talk enough about Alex Rodriguez's CNBC show in which he "mentors celebrities who have fallen on hard times and need help getting back on their feet."


Something else we don't talk enough about: