Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


21. Céline Dion Carpool Karaoke (The Late Late Show Carpool Karaoke Primetime Special 2019, 05-20-19)


Stray Observations

  • Game of Thrones Season Grade: C
  • Barry Season Grade: C
  • Black-ish Season Grade: C
  • "Bat codpiece." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E09)
  • "Did you ask about the jade buttock eggs?"
    "No, I did not."
    "Butter cakes."
    "Buttock eggs made from jade that you put inside your butt."
    "I don't think they have them."
    "I'd have to check on that, for sure."
    "They don't have to be made of jade. They can be made of anything. But not silver, because, you know, otherwise…ouch."
    "He's joking."
    "There's a silver egg in my butt." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E09)


"If you saw a man dressed in this mask, would you think it was a mood killer, or would you come?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E09)

  • "There was a girl, though, right?"
    "Oh… Yeah. Oh, I just started seeing this woman."
    "There you go. Yeah, I thought so."
    "It's for my nosebleeds." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E09)
  • "Half the bats you see, they are just vampires that have thrown terrible orgies and they are too ashamed to regain their vampire form. They just flit around. Shame bats. Bats full of shame." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E09)
  • "Chinese jumping vampire."
    "Brought my cousin."
    "Is he a Babadook?"
    "No, actually, I'm a Badabook. You know, like, uh, 'bada-bing, Badabook.'" (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E09)
  • "Is that fur?"
    "Yes, but it's okay because it had a stroke." (Fleabag, S02E01)
  • "Just get your hands off my miscarriage!" (Fleabag, S02E01)
  • "'Scuse me, I've got dry forearms." (Fleabag, S02E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

20. Duel to D'spayre (Cloak and Dagger, S02E08)


Stray Observations

  • "I don't have love here. I only have fear."
    […]
    "All right, then. Let it be fear." (Game of Thrones, S08E05)
  • "I'm the man who killed Jaime Lannister." (Game of Thrones, S08E05)
  • "I just hate to see smart women throw away their political careers on powerful men who only see them as the gash of least resistance." (Veep, S07E07)
  • "I'm not gonna die, 'cause I got the heart and the twat of a high school cheerleader who's only done anal!" (Veep, S07E07)
  • Sue (Veep, S07E07)
  • Veep Season Grade: C
  • Shark Tank Season Grade: C
  • "What's wrong, Dre? Did another thing ruin Empire?" (Black-ish, S05E22)
  • "You seduce me. I am just stupid human man. 'Oh, ouch, ouch, my balls. …I'd love to drink beer.'" (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E08)
  • ♫: Horny Toad – "Vampire Ska" (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E08)
  • "Now I can pay for Showtime. Find out who or what 'SMILF' is." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E17)
  • "Obvious fake name."
    "Or is it so insane that there's no way it's fake? If you're trying not to draw attention, why not go with something like 'John Smith'?"
    "From Pocahontas?! Uh, yeah, way to fly under the radar!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E17)
  • "Let's see this tip, this groundbreaking tip that threatens to blow the case wide open."
    "Okay, I know this tone. Here comes petty Holt."
    "Nah, bitch, I'm not being petty."
    "You just said 'nah, bitch'!"
    "Show me the tip."
    "[sigh] Title of your sex tape." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E17)
  • "I've been sitting in my office wallowing in my hopelessness and eating the saddest food known to mankind: ice cream."
    "Okay, well, it's time to put that aside and pull out whatever food you eat when you're happy."
    "Dry beans?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E17)
  • "Are you friends with the Fyre Festival guy?"
    "Best friends. He got a bum rap. You can learn about it when my documentary comes out." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E18)
  • Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season Grade: C
  • Better Things Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two

I'm a boat, I'm a wolf, I'm noon

Last month, my car of 21 years died.

Kars4Kids is hauling it away today.

While cleaning my former car out, I realized that because it died, I can't eject its CD changer cartridge.

Fuck! Which CDs were inside?

Smash Mouth – Astro Lounge.
The Ataris – End Is Forever.
Elliott Smith – XO?

As I no longer own a CD player, I shouldn't feel exasperated, but as a completionist, I do – intensely.

The cheapest End Is Forever CD on Amazon is $16.09?!

$6.08 on eBay…

Eater's Digest: Melbourne, VIC, Australia

March 2019
supernormal / super ling / american doughnut kitchen / sunda / lune croissanterie / goldie canteen / ides / wasshoi / sweet greek / queen vee's / polēpolē / super ling / navi / don't hate, appreciate bake sale / south melbourne market dim sims / simply spanish / the moor's head / congress


THE GOOD


★★ Fresh Housemade Noodles (Super Ling)
braised pig's ear, shin

^ Served with a wonderfully fresh housemade hot paste.

I didn't realize until eating this that this cut of meat that I have been enjoying all my life as an appetizer is shin meat.


★★ Jaffle with Mapo Tofu (Super Ling)
tofu, pork, water chestnuts, sichuan pepper

^ A spicy Uncrustable.


★★ Vegemite Curry (Sunda)
buttery roti


★★ Kangaroo Pastrami (Congress)
cultured cream, fried onions


★★ Peanut Butter Parfait (Supernormal)
salted caramel, soft chocolate

Peanut Butter (Ides)
sesame sourdough
—Peanut-infused butter.

Morgan McGlone's Breakfast Sandwich (Don't Hate, Appreciate bake sale)
—Egg salad in a fried chicken sandwich? Works!

Neil Perry's Strawberry Mascarpone Cake (Don't Hate, Appreciate bake sale)

Szechuan Noodle Salad (Supernormal)
sesame, pickles, chilli oil


Poached Lion's Mane (Navi)
crayfish bisque caramel, autumn herbs, egg yolk

^ A play on a lobster bisque. Lion's mane is a mushroom with a texture similar to that of lobster.


Cheviot Royale (Navi)
salted honey macadamia, apricot, loquat

^ A play on a cheese course.


THE BAD

PS40 Smoked Lemonade
smoked water, lemon and lime juice and zest, murray river salt, rosemary
—Stop. Smoking. Beverages.

Smoked Jerk Chicken Jaffle (Queen Vee's)
jamon, gruyere cheese
—Why does this jerk chicken sandwich contain ham?

Corn Bread (Queen Vee's)
jerk butter


THE OTHERS


Black Garlic, Trout Roe Macaron (Navi)

^ Works!


[left] Wallaby, Egg Yolk, Preserved Flowers (Navi)
[right] Smoked Eel, Apple, Native Thyme (Navi)

^ This white block is eel?


Pig's Head and Green Mustard Sanga (Congress)


New England Lobster Roll (Supernormal)
sesame, pickles, chilli oil

^ [pause]


Peking Duck Toastie (Goldie Canteen)
noodles, hoi sin


Duck Bao (Supernormal)
twice-cooked duck leg, vinegar, plum sauce

^ The duck meat is served in a bizarre hard shell.


Fried Chicken Ribs (Polēpolē)
whipped honey, zhoug aioli, smoked dukkha

Ugandan Curried Potato Rosti (Polēpolē)
—A rosti made with Ugandan curried potatoes, not a Ugandan rosti.


The Bosphorus Pide (The Moor's Head)
tomato, garlic prawns, black chilli, coriander

^ A cheese-less Lebanese pizza.


Chinese Mille Feuille (Super Ling)
crisp wonton, sichuan custard, pineapple

Hot Jam Doughnut (American Doughnut Kitchen)
—Light on the jam filling, just how I like it.

The Black Box (Ides)
blackberries and coconut, blueberries and cream cheese

^ A chilled chocolate box.


MISSED CONNECTIONS

Eggplant and Lavender Ice Cream (Weirdoughs)

Vegemite Scroll (Attica)

Lasagna Roll (Tony's Pies)
—Puff pastry filled with lasagna.

Pepper Beef Tartare (Super Ling)
garlic stem, spring onion mayo, fried potatoes, sesame seeds; with rice crackers

Eater's Digest: Byron Bay, NSW, Australia

March 2019
barrio / the sun bistro / raes dining room / bella gelato / sustainable sunday bakery / crusta woodfired pizza / beach kitchen / locura / baskin-robbins / light years / balcony bar and oyster company


★★ Cuttlefish, Fennel, Chili Mojo Verde (Barrio)

^ The best potato salad ever. So fresh and so clean.

Potato Scallops (Raes Dining Room)
seaweed salt
—If I have to eat thick-cut fries, I want them to have astoundingly crunchy exteriors like these.


Daintree Chocolate Cake (Raes Dining Room)
ripe banana ice cream

^ A success pile in a happiness bowl.


Fermented Corn Taco (Locura)
chipotle, greens, macadamia cream

^ Who knew?


Coconut Sago (Light Years)
spiced seasonal fruit

Panna Cotta (Barrio)
coffee caramel, cacao almonds
—Cacao almonds are good.

StrangeLove Smoked Cola
"a sublime cola with a hint of applewood smoke"
—Artisanal battery acid.

Your Precious Lethal Fear

Stationery, lighters, and razors — never mind BIC's odd diversification, they just…stopped at three product lines.

Wikipedia » Société Bic:

In June 2010, BIC sold its funeral products division to Prairie Capital, a Chicago-based private equity firm.

Oh, it was funeral stationery. So…funeral pens?


Paper clip manufacturers should sell straightened paper clips as "reset rods."

It's not like silly products that save people a modicum of time don't exist.


Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

19. The Vampiric Council (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E07)


Stray Observations

  • "Heard you were broken in." (Game of Thrones, S08E04)
  • "We can live together."
    "We can. I've just told you how." (Game of Thrones, S08E04)
  • "Cocks are important, I'm afraid." (Game of Thrones, S08E04)
  • "Take care of yourself, Barry."
    "Stay off the 405, man." (Barry, S02E06)
  • "I don't know if you remember this or not, but you killed somebody and got away with it." (Barry, S02E06)
  • "I am so late for my escape room." (Barry, S02E06)
  • "I recently bought an English football club."
    "Oh, wonderful."
    "Leeds United. No English players, so pretty good team." (Veep, S07E06)
  • "And as a sign of respect, we have decided to bury you betwixt my two favourite vaginas: that of my wife, and my mother." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E07)
  • Batista (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E07)
  • "What are you doing?"
    "I'm warming my face. It's so cold in here."
    "Well, it's an LED light."
    "Oh."
    "There's no way we could have fffire. The fire marshals would have a ffffit." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E07)
  • "Cheddar, you duplicitous bitch." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E16)
  • ♫: Bomb the Bass – "Megablast [Hip Hop on Precinct 13]" (Dead Pixels, S01E06)
  • Dead Pixels Season Grade: D

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two