Rings around my father's eyes

Barstool Sports Arizona Bowl, Jimmy Kimmel LA Bowl…

Wasabi Fenway Bowl?

PUBG Mobile New Mexico Bowl??

Myrtle Beach Bowl presented by TaxAct
TaxAct Camellia Bowl
TaxAct Texas Bowl

TaxAct sponsors 11% of all bowl games.

Idea: A pop-up restaurant that serves bowls inspired by each bowl game.

Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl: Easy.

Tropical Smoothie Cafe Frisco Bowl: A fruit salad in a sourdough bread bowl.

Barstool Sports Arizona Bowl: A Sonoran hot dog topped with melted mozzarella and pepperoni.

Jimmy Kimmel LA Bowl: (Italian chopped salad + taco salad) bibimbap.

Wasabi Fenway Bowl: Wasabi and Fenway Frank fried rice.

PUBG Mobile New Mexico Bowl: A green chile Dorito pie.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

49. NX Worries (How To with John Wilson, S02E02)


Stray Observations

  • Opening credits (Yellowjackets, S01E03)
  • Car chase (Hawkeye, S01E03)
  • Jack Owoc's house (How To with John Wilson, S02E02)

Stray Observations

  • "No, it's like I've gone anti-fragile. I can—I can accommodate anything. If I start second guessing, it collapses." (Succession, S03E07)
  • "Jeff, Elon…" (Succession, S03E07)
  • Hudson Yards (Succession, S03E07)
  • "Today is pretty fucking iconic." (Succession, S03E07)
  • "This is friends only."
    "Oh. Shouldn't it be empty then?"
    "Beat me by one second." (Succession, S03E07)
  • "This is my treehouse." (Succession, S03E07)
  • "I shouldn't say anything. Even the look on my face is commercially sensitive." (Succession, S03E07)
  • "Uh, you need anything? What can I get you?"
    "Privacy, pussy, pasta."
    "Done. Reece can help you out. Like pussy, coke, wristwatches, fucking garganelli, he's like a one-man dark web." (Succession, S03E07)
  • "And we got the Tiny Wu-Tang Clan." (Succession, S03E07)
  • "Hi, Connor. I'd like to offer you a complimentary cashmere sweater." (Succession, S03E07)
  • "I lost a Norwegian Wool in a fusion restaurant in Vancouver." (Succession, S03E07)
  • "There you are, fucking hiding from me. Like a human VPN." (Succession, S03E07)
  • "You ready to crucify Billy Joel?" (Succession, S03E07)
  • "And your speech kind of tees it up with a kind of ironic, 'This is the culmination of my life's journey, to be crucified to save you morons, and…'" (Succession, S03E07)
  • "It's dressed in a tuxedo, nailed to a cross, singing 'Honesty' by Billy Joel?" (Succession, S03E07)
  • "Uh, what about the Tiny Wu-Tang?"
    "Tell 'em they've got it all ahead of them. Yeah." (Succession, S03E07)
  • "Ken had me try to call Springsteen to rescue the vibe and then that got countermanded and now I'm working on a…jetpack for him to leave through the retractable ceiling." (Succession, S03E07)


(Succession, S03E07)

  • "I took the wrong drugs in the wrong order, and I can't get happy." (Succession, S03E07)
  • "'The Dance of the Sugar Plum Failure.'" (Succession, S03E07)
  • "I think he's just aggressive because he hates his name. I don't know. I'm new at this. Maybe I got to go empty the dog. Okay. I'll be back. Come on, Garfield." (Dexter, S09E04)
  • "In Trig, you never confused your secants with your cosecants." (Yellowjackets, S01E03)
  • SnackWell's (Yellowjackets, S01E03)
  • ♫: Kim Wilde – "Cambodia" (Yellowjackets, S01E03)
  • "Fuck them kids." (Insecure, S05E06)
  • "I swear I saw somebody walkin' a coyote on my way here. White people be tryin' to make pets outta everything." (Insecure, S05E06)
  • "Dr. Sebi said cow cheese is toxic. White people know." (Insecure, S05E06)
  • "Why the fuck she hungry when I'm hungry?" (Insecure, S05E06)
  • "I mean, you sound attractive, but you know, the telephone's very deceiving. You never know. I was once on the phone with a woman from Ticketmaster for half an hour, and I met her, and it was—it was ridiculous, it was crazy!" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E06)
  • "If it were me, I wouldn't have done it. But that's because I lost chivalry, uh, after the divorce." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E06)
  • "That motherfucker is F-A-T positive." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E06)
  • "He don't want no fucking olives with the red–what's that red shit stuck inside the fucking olive?"
    "Pimiento?"
    "Yeah. Same shit that come out of a lady after she have a baby." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E06)
  • "And I'm coming to the conclusion that the reason that I don't see patients in your office—"
    "Is because of the nature of my underwear." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E06)
  • "Once your balls are dangling, it's over." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E06)
  • "People like an everyman, just so you know."
    "They may like an everyman, but most every man is kind of stupid." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E06)
  • "What kind of woman becomes a urologist anyway?"
    "A very bright, enterprising woman who wants to make dicks and butts better." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E06)
  • "That's an act of war, the Perrier." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E06)
  • "It's Sophie's choice. And you're the baby who's going." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E06)
  • "Previously on fuckin' Chucky…" (Chucky, S01E08)
  • "You wouldn't believe the amount of tail I get like this."
    "Fuck…"
    "Dick, too." (Chucky, S01E08)
  • "Kill the twink." (Chucky, S01E08)
  • "Oh, that is so gay." (Chucky, S01E08)
  • Chucky Season Grade: B
  • KB Toys (Hawkeye, S01E03)
  • "I mean, look on the bright side. You don't have to go see Imagine Dragons."
    "I love Imagine Dragons." (Hawkeye, S01E03)
  • "I'm not smashin' a '72 Challenger. Come on." (Hawkeye, S01E03)
  • ♫: The Kinks – "Father Christmas" (Hawkeye, S01E03)
  • "Why does nobody old know how to wear a mask?" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S15E01)
  • "We bubbled together during the pandemic because, well, we're both essential workers at the bar."
    "Yeah, yeah. Charlie and I, we're the last tit on the hog before the asshole." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S15E01)
  • "Get the pelts, you bitch!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S15E01)
  • "Well, that's what makes America the greatest country in the world. When you're in need, the government comes in and bails you out."
    "Nothing made me more money than businesses I sent into bankruptcy. That's the American way." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S15E01)


(It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S15E01)

  • "Yeah, well, and Frank did red-face in…"
    "It wasn't red, it was brown." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S15E02)
  • "Happy birthday, little baby ho. I wish your ho mama – Riggs' wife – and my daughter could be here to see this, but she died. Run along and play, little bitch." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S15E02)
  • "Marlon Brando got to jam butter up his co-star's orifice against her will and got nominated for an Oscar." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S15E02)
  • "I don't want butter to get involved." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S15E02)
  • "Uh-oh. What's that? This is phone." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S15E02)
  • "Well, one of the last socially acceptable groups to villainize are entitled white women." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S15E02)
  • "A tsunami."
    "Oh, but, you know what? Let's call it a tidal wave. That feels less racially charged. I don't want to say that all waves are Asian." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S15E02)


(It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S15E01)

  • "Tidal wave! Where'd that come from?"
    "Well, no country specifically. Just an act of God, I guess."
    "No God specifically. Just the universe or whatever." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S15E02)
  • "Guys, we have to listen to the young. Otherwise, we are doomed to have sex with only old people for the rest of our lives." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S15E02)
  • Pokémon poster (How To with John Wilson, S02E02)
  • "So, it has sort of a…a mustiness." (How To with John Wilson, S02E02)


(How To with John Wilson, S02E02)

  • "What are you drinking right there?"
    "I don't know. Well, a new Mountain Dew, uh…'Rise' energy drink. I just came from the doctor, so—" (How To with John Wilson, S02E02)
  • "This one's good, but my cousin got me a necklace from Claire's. Like, I get a rash from nickel. Like, that's why I only wear Swarovski." (PEN15, S02E09)
  • "Hector wants to play Crash Bandicoot: Warped with her and hang out." (PEN15, S02E10)
  • The Deftones White Pony shirt (PEN15, S02E12)
  • "Oh, darling, you know I don't drink water with my pills. I only take sherry." (PEN15, S02E12)


(PEN15, S02E12)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: What We Do in the Shadows

American Male Wellness

// Las Vegas, NV

I always regret all-you-can-eat sushi.

All-you-can-eat sushi is cruel and unusual punishment.

You're literally killing people with kindness.


"Can I see identification?"
"Uh… Shit."

While cashing out chips, I discover that I left my wallet at the craps machine I was gambling at.

The cashier doesn't let me run back to the craps machine to check for my wallet because I could be trying to defraud the casino.

A security officer arrives.

Security Officer: What's your name?
Me: Jonathan Yu.
Security Officer: Oh, we just picked up your wallet! We share the same birthday: October 6, 1982.
Me: Huh. The exact same.

I study his visible head.

Who looks older? Black don't crack, but Asian don't raisin.

Cashier: There was $155 in your wallet when we found it. For me to return it, I need you to sign this form.
Me: Uh… Do you have $2 bills? $4 of that $155 was two $2 bills.
Cashier: Let me check.

Cashier: This case is so fresh that I can return the same bills that were in your wallet!

The most luck I had this trip.


I enter an elevator containing an Asian lad wearing a Lil Nas X hoodie.

Lil Nas X has merch?


A young Asian man approaches me.

"Excuse me, do you have a minute?"
"Uh…"
"Have you heard of the female image of God?"

Bruh. We're in a Vegas resort and casino. Do you have to do this now?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


48. Rogers: The Musical (Hawkeye, S01E01)


Stray Observations

  • "Ow, think I need to get comfy before we get it in. Let me—ooh, that is a motherfucking areola! You see the titties on that bitch?"
    "Now, what the fuck type of freaky-ass shit is this?"
    "Yo, this is a motherfuckin' mortuary, nigga." (BMF, S01E08)
  • "I love you too, boo." (BMF, S01E08)
  • "God damn, nigga, you hurting? You eating street meat instead of a Coney?" (BMF, S01E08)
  • BMF Season Grade: C
  • "Um… Some guy with an undercut just called me 'soy boy.'"
    "Oh, don't worry, Greg. It's a nice safe space where you don't have to pretend to like Hamilton." (Succession, S03E06)
  • "Hey, Shiv, is it true? You at the hate-fest fest? Burning books and measuring skulls down in Nuremberg, Virginia?" (Succession, S03E06)
  • "It's the Spätburgunder. Our vineyard! Oh, screw top." (Succession, S03E06)
  • "So, according to Steven, my prison consultant, this is…you know, this is kind of what the food is like inside. I'm in training. How's your omelet?" (Succession, S03E06)
  • "What's good is to eradicate hope. They can't get you if you got no hope." (Succession, S03E06)
  • "Okay, guys! B-day! Big, big, big four-oh. How are we looking?"
    "Shit slaps!"
    "Yeah? You think? What was—what was the one I liked?"
    "Uh…'end times'?"
    "Right."
    "Weimar meets Carthage meets Dante meets AI and…antibiotic-resistant superbugs."
    "That's kinda dope, though."
    "I mean, but aren't Zadie Smith and fucking…Chuck D and Lucas Madsen gonna come
    to my antibiotics party?" (Succession, S03E06)
  • "Your toilet can be a bastard?" (Succession, S03E06)
  • "Just keep your trap shut. Watch."
    "All right, thank you, sir. Minimizing the Greg window." (Succession, S03E06)
  • "We need one voice on this, or we could fall apart and hand it to the fuck-fuck donkey gang." (Succession, S03E06)
  • "Captain of the Tampa Bay Cuckaneers." (Succession, S03E06)
  • "He pisses pretty straight."
    "Pretty damn straight. I piss policy laser." (Succession, S03E06)
  • "I'll borrow from anyone. And, you know…if Franco or H or Travis Bickle had a good pitch, fuck it! I'm a man for all seasons."
    "Mm-hmm. 'H'?" (Succession, S03E06)
  • "Yeah. I've got some ideas for ATN, you know. Sluice out the fucking porridge and add some sriracha. Poach some of those TikTok psychos, you know? E-girls with fucking guns and Juul pods, you know? Give me some straight-shot Blacks and Latinos. No more of this fucking…pillows and bedpans, you know? We're strictly bone broth and dick pills. Deep state conspiracy hour, but with, like, a fucking wink, you know? Funny." (Succession, S03E06)
  • "Blood is the body's…"
    "Truth." (Dexter, S09E03)
  • "Hey, you think you're fucking funny, you small-dick anime virgin?!" (Dexter, S09E03)
  • ♫: Tracy Bonham – "Mother Mother" (Yellowjackets, S01E02)
  • "I'm just gonna jerk off, watch some SportsCenter before bed." (Yellowjackets, S01E02)
  • "I used to sneak downstairs after everybody had gone to bed and watch The Color of Night so I could pause it on Bruce Willis' wang." (Yellowjackets, S01E02)
  • "I'm sorry for your upcomin' loss." (Insecure, S05E05)
  • "You look like a model."
    "Aww, thanks."
    "Sorry, she's high." (Insecure, S05E05)
  • "I told you…that I slept with a student. Your secret is Waze." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E05)
  • "She gave me a spoonful of Pepto-Bismol and a fucking hand job." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E05)
  • "How do you know prayers don't work?"
    "Because I'm bald." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E05)
  • "It's interesting because you would think that having a heart attack at a country club like this, there'd be doctors around."
    "No. Only plastic surgeon here." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E05)
  • "A bald man steal umbrella!" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E05)
  • "You have to have done something stupid to be in traffic." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E05)
  • "His decision to not talk through the puppet, but instead re-create the title sequence of Caddyshack, was, to put it bluntly, a freakin' relief." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E05)
  • "All ventriloquists are overtly Republican." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E05)
  • "Modern ventriloquism is the oppression of puppets." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E05)
  • "Other types of entertainment people can also be linked to particular political leanings. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that actors, for example, tend liberal, except for, of course, Ronald Reagan. Sports announcers, conservative. Magicians? Right, libertarian." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E05)
  • USA Is Gifted (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E05)
  • "How did you turn that guinea pig into a bowl of pico de gallo?" (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E05)
  • "Are you a magician as well?"
    "Me? No, no. Uh, crowds are not my favorite and my fingers are bulky from climbing." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E05)
  • "We need more women in STEM, and by that, I mean Skateboarding, Television, Esports, and Magic." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E05)
  • "Have you checked your pockets recently? Is this your driver's license? Everyone give Bob a round of applause. You can go take a seat. So that just happened. I'd like to see God do that. We shouldn't need these things anyways. People should be able to drive at age 12. And what do we say about taxes, Dee Dee? 'Uh, that's theft, bitch.'" (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E05)
  • "Plus, they know they can BM on anything they'd like." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E06)
  • "Whoa, was that Sinbad? Not a good sign for the quality of this film." (A Very Solar Christmas Opposites Special, 22 Nov 21)


(A Very Solar Christmas Opposites Special, 22 Nov 21)


(A Very Solar Christmas Opposites Special, 22 Nov 21)

  • "Oh, gross. It smells like a Sharpie creampied a tire." (A Very Solar Christmas Opposites Special, 22 Nov 21)
  • "Who the hell were those guys?"
    "Mutant Sinbads." (A Very Solar Christmas Opposites Special, 22 Nov 21)
  • "Jamie transformed this town into an Escape From New York-, Children of Men-, 13 Going on 30-type dystopia." (A Very Solar Christmas Opposites Special, 22 Nov 21)
  • "Reavers, it's time to feast! We have the meats!"
    "Wait, why are you saying the tag line from Arby's? Do-do they still have Arby's in the Jingleverse?"
    "What the fuck is an Arby's? That's just what I say." (A Very Solar Christmas Opposites Special, 22 Nov 21)
  • "Aah! Snowflakes, sugar plums, uh, shitty orange chocolate." (A Very Solar Christmas Opposites Special, 22 Nov 21)
  • "Reavers, it's time to feast! Where's the beef?"
    "Okay, you have to know that tag line's from Wendy's. It's-it's like the most famous one." (A Very Solar Christmas Opposites Special, 22 Nov 21)
  • Palpatine (A Very Solar Christmas Opposites Special, 22 Nov 21)
  • "This blood tastes like Christmas." (A Very Solar Christmas Opposites Special, 22 Nov 21)
  • Greg Burrito (A Very Solar Christmas Opposites Special, 22 Nov 21)
  • "When was the last time you took me out for a nice dinner and a murder?" (Chucky, S01E07)
  • NYC Larpers (Hawkeye, S01E02)
  • "Hey, look, that one's you."
    "No. That's Katniss Everdeen." (Hawkeye, S01E02)
  • "It was getting very hard to find place. Now, all the warehouses are being converted into lofts, so how can I get something better?" (Hawkeye, S01E02)
  • "Come on! Where is Kate Bishop?"
    "Bro, I found her." (Hawkeye, S01E02)
  • "'Yeah, what—what's his dick size, though?' 'I'm curious about that, too.' It's medium." (South Side, S02E07)
  • ♫: Terry Presume – "Swimming" (South Side, S02E07)
  • "Can you tell me where the bathroom is, please?"
    "Uh, past the frog leg, left of the Criss Angel: Mindfreak DVDs."
    "Okay. Thanks."
    "Pee-pee only!"
    "Thanks for fitting us in, Hoodoo Man. Really appreciate that."
    "Yes, I had an unforeseen cancellation, which I saw, but you are fortunate. My readings are sacred. I had Larenz Tate come through that door just the other day."
    "Really?"
    "Yeah, he was looking for 6307 South Carpenter. That's where his brother lives. This is 6703 Carpenter, so he came in. I was like, 'I knew you would come, Larenz Tate. Your brother Lahmard has many friends who have made the same mistake.'" (South Side, S02E08)
  • "You know, my daddy, uh…he still works the night shift at the helicopter factory. I don't have the resources to help him get out of that job. Every night, he's ducking and dodging blades." (South Side, S02E08)
  • "No more play! No more play!"
    "Excuse me. Are they saying, 'No more play' or 'No, more play'?" (South Side, S02E08)
  • "Okay, honestly, that could be anything. That could be a brick. That could be a tree. That could be a-a loose bag of garbage, like that guy, Tom Skilling, on channel, uh, WGN. He's terrible." (South Side, S02E08)
  • "Hey, Bixby, call Itty Bitty Kitty Committee."
    "You have got it, my main man. Giving Kattandra a holler."
    "I got it set to ethnic." (South Side, S02E09)
  • "Say less. Switching to vibrate."
    "Bixby got, Bixby got a mind of his own." (South Side, S02E09)
  • "I'm putting the 15-minute break on my back, because Chicago is working its people to death."
    "Take Jamal Agin here. Black homie from the South Side. What are you? 47 years old?"
    "I'm 29 years old."
    "No. Unh-unh. You see what's happening here? Black is starting to crack." (South Side, S02E09)
  • "I want to make sure that people say, 'Hey, go to Chicago. They're on break.'"
    "You definitely got the youth vote. TikTok." (South Side, S02E09)
  • "You're not a police priority. Trust me, I know."
    "How come I'm not? Run my plates. I'm armed and dangerous."
    "No. Sweetie, you ain't even an all-pro fugitive."
    "Notorious for peeing on stuff." (South Side, S02E09)
  • "Pizza is the opiate of the people." (South Side, S02E09)
  • "Don't look at my coat."
    "Yeah, nice mink."
    "That's 11 cats." (South Side, S02E09)
  • "Holy shit. It's like the five families. South Side. Mexican South Side. West Side. Gold Coast Viagra Triangle. Uh…hmm… Glasses, bow tie, pocket square. I'm gonna guess, uh, Humboldt Park. No. Wicker Park. Wicker—Park Ridge? Oak Park? Lincoln Park?"
    "No, that's the CEO of Pequod's Pizza." (South Side, S02E09)
  • Chance the Rapper (South Side, S02E10)
  • "I'm-a use that to become a reality mogul like Soulja Boy and Shad Moss. First, I'm-a go on A&E. 60 Days In, then after that, I'm going on Love After Lockup and Life After Lockup, then Locked Up Abroad, because, you know, I like to travel."
    "Uh-huh."
    "Then after that, Hoarders, because now I got a problem."
    "Mm."
    "And then, when it's all said and done, I think I'm-a let Iyanla fix my life." (South Side, S02E10)
  • "In Air Bud, haters tried to stop a beautiful golden retriever from playing basketball, to which the referee's response was, 'Ain't no rules that say dogs can't play basketball.' So he did. And that's what we wanna do."
    "Mm. We invoke the Air Bud Rule."
    "Ma'am, I can't argue with the Air Bud Rule." (South Side, S02E10)
  • ♫: Jack Red – "Homegrown" (South Side, S02E10)
  • South Side Season Grade: C
  • Blade Runner geisha (South Park: Post COVID, 25 Nov 21}
  • "Guys, this is my wife, Yentl." (South Park: Post COVID, 25 Nov 21}
  • Written by Susan Orlean (How To with John Wilson, S02E01}

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: What We Do in the Shadows

Same Day Erectile Dysfunction Treatment

// Las Vegas, NV

This won't be a shitshow at all.

Update:


RIP Bally's marquee sports ticker. I've never known Vegas without you.

The announcement of Ole Red seems to further support the rumors a rebrand of Bally's is in the works. The chatter is it will be a Horseshoe. The country-western vibe of these brands meshes perfectly.

A country-western-themed resort connected to a Paris-themed resort. Swap the Eiffel Tower on the Strip with its Statue of Liberty. The Eiffel Tower would then stand across the street from Excalibur, Tropicana Avenue overpass as Chunnel.

Hemorrhoid in Cambodia

[rolls down driver's side window to grab parking garage ticket]

Shit. Should I be wearing a mask? How much air exhaled by the driver before me am I inhaling right now?


[orders at a McDonald's drive-through]

Shit. Should I have worn a mask?

All the cars ahead of me have their driver's side windows down. Should I roll up mine before reaching the pick-up window?


[pulls over at the behest of a police officer]

Shit. He's not wearing a mask. What if I refuse to roll down my driver's side window? Can I ask him to stand six feet away?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


47. Republican or Not (Saturday Night Live, S47E07)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • Kyle Chandler! (Mayor of Kingstown, S01E01)


» Eminem as White Boy Rick (BMF, S01E07)

  • "I looked it up and rabbits aren't supposed to eat bagels."
    "Okay, Bianca. Let the rabbit have some bagel. Those rules are for fuckheads who're gonna go to Tampa and leave a rabbit with a Big Gulp and a dozen cinnamon raisin." (Succession, S03E05)
  • "Eagles Aerie out!" (Succession, S03E05)
  • "And now I hear that you've dispensed with Roger's services, presumably to throw your lot in with my brother and his gang of crapulous shills?" (Succession, S03E05)
  • "Because, Greg, your life is not a bagatelle." (Succession, S03E05)
  • "Just call our doctor."
    "But the doctor does, uh, people?
    "Yeah, if he can do people, he can do rabbits." (Succession, S03E05)
  • "First, they came for the PJs, and I said nothing. Then they come for the outsized compensation payments, you know?" (Succession, S03E05)
  • "You guys off to the bathroom?"
    "What fucking business is it of yours?" (Succession, S03E05)
  • "We are a complicated coalition. And Sandy is the angriest fucking vegetable."
    "All right, listen. I can salvage this. I'm on my way to talk to them."
    "Good luck. The fucking belligerent zucchini here is set to close the negotiations for good."
    "Okay, just, just hang tight, dude. Puppet Master's on it." (Succession, S03E05)
  • "Okay. Uh…he's got a fucking UTI."
    "What? Seriously? Well, is that—I mean, no. It's not that fucking serious, right?"
    "What? At his age, that can make you crazy. Reagan had one and nearly nuked Belgium." (Succession, S03E05)
  • "We actually don't know when he went piss-mad."
    "No, no, I suspect that he's been piss-mad for quite a while."
    "Oh, do you? The fucking Hercule Poirot of fucking piss over here." (Succession, S03E05)
  • "I'm the only one who's allowed to be nasty." (Succession, S03E05)
  • "Dad said no deal!"
    "No, he didn't! His urethra had wrested control from his brain!" (Succession, S03E05)
  • "Gerri, we need someone sensible to talk to the, uh…President right now…urgently on an urgent personal matter."
    "I'll talk to him, the little bitch, here." (Succession, S03E05)
  • "I'm just most horny when you're the most fertile, you know. I'm just vibing to your sexy window." (Succession, S03E05)
  • "He's not even wearing a tie." (Succession, S03E05)
  • "You're going to sue Greenpeace?" (Succession, S03E05)
  • "Shiv being a bitch?" (Succession, S03E05)
  • "'We need to talk.' Words you never want to hear from your doctor or your girlfriend." (Dexter, S09E02)
  • "Now look at you. You're the queer Kamala." (Yellowjackets, S01E01)
  • "You got it?"
    "Got six words for you, my friend. Lucy…in the Sky…with Diamonds."
    "That is, like, the least efficient way to say that." (Yellowjackets, S01E01)
  • "If you come inside me, I will raise the baby out of spite and train it to become a killing machine that eventually hunts you down." (Yellowjackets, S01E01)
  • "Tell me you love me. I won't hold you to it, okay?" (Yellowjackets, S01E01)
  • "I wear a size nine."
    "Why you proud of that? Also, round up, nigga. Round up in public, shit!" (Insecure, S05E04)
  • "And I'm just like, what does that mean? If your pussy a ghost, is my pussy a ghost?" (Insecure, S05E04)
  • "You a fan of Derulo?" (Insecure, S05E04)
  • "You got tattoos? Okay, so what's this one mean?"
    "The Chinese symbol for 'good dick.'" (Insecure, S05E04)
  • "Should I fuck him?"
    "If you want to. What that 'nani say?"
    "'It's a yes from me, dawg.'" (Insecure, S05E04)
  • "She said come around back, but hurry, because Jason just started doin' close-up magic." (Insecure, S05E04)
  • "Even Black people don't like to see Black people eat fucking watermelon." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E04)
  • "There are no ties in optometry." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E04)
  • "When the exam was over, she dropped a Pirate's Booty on the floor." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E04)
  • "Pick up the fucking grape, Woody!" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E04)
  • "Those second fridges area giant waste of energy, like Las Vegas." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E03)
  • Eating spaghetti out of a cooler (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E03)
  • "No more Spotify Premium until you start acting like a good kid." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E03)
  • "I wish there was something I could tell Nicole, but, unless you're an adult who gets it, like, say, Billie Joe Armstrong, it will fall on deaf teen ears." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E03)
  • The doll from Cult of Chucky with burnt fingers (Chucky, S01E06)
  • Jennifer Tilly playing poker (Chucky, S01E06)
  • Cape Fear (Chucky, S01E06)
  • R.I.P. every character's mother (Chucky, S01E06)
  • "They have the Au Cheval burger here." (South Side, S02E04)
  • "You know, inspiration can strike you at the oddest time, just like your mother." (South Side, S02E05)
  • "It's okay. It's okay, Vic Mensa." (South Side, S02E06)
  • I went home with this big-ass nigga, LaCarver. He said he was named after LaDainian Tomlinson and George Washington Carver." (South Side, S02E06)
  • "Oh, snap. Scottie Pippen is kicking it with Da Brat."
    "I wanna see him."
    "I know. Look, you can watch The Last Dance again." (South Side, S02E06)
  • "We were going to finally prove that giardiniera was invented by a Black man."
    "I knew it!"
    "Here's here today. His name is Gil Cousins."
    "Alright."
    "He did not bring any giardiniera." (South Side, S02E06)
  • "And on that corner where y'all shot Lil' Reese…"
    "Yes."
    "…you gon' make a left." (South Side, S02E06)
  • "Get him out of here! Take him out in the alley! Beat his ass. Pour pineapple Ciroc on his wounds, okay?" (South Side, S02E06)
  • "Mr. Trinidad James! Alive and okay." (South Side, S02E06)
  • "They played their song 'Take Her Out Tonight' on Fake Shore Drive, and people love it, man." (South Side, S02E06)
  • "You remember when I was gonna be the hood's answer to Tim McGraw?"
    "Yeah, of course I do. You wore those beautiful chaps, man." (South Side, S02E06)
  • "Man dem, Top Boy, run dat choon!" (South Side, S02E06)
  • "Is this real D'ussé? I specifically said that I wanted Evan Williams in D'ussé bottles." (South Side, S02E06)
  • "It was cool, but, you know, at the end of the day, I was still a little bit like, 'Please stop blowing up my phone every five minutes, Jesse Jackson!'" (South Side, S02E06)
  • "Ladies and gentlemen, it's the moment you all been waiting for. Get ready to say 'nigga' way too many times. Put your hands together for Mr. Trinidad James!" (South Side, S02E06)
  • [sniffing] "Evan Williams?" (South Side, S02E06)
  • "What's a casino? Are you kidding me? It's like, um, if the happiest place on Earth had a baby with the saddest place." (Marvel's Hit-Monkey, S01E03)
  • "Stop using grooming as a weapon!" (Marvel's Hit-Monkey, S01E05)
  • "Who's Tom Petty? I mean, he's like if, uh…if weed as a person." (Marvel's Hit-Monkey, S01E06)
  • ♫: Michael Nau – "While You Stand" (Marvel's Hit-Monkey, S01E08)
  • "I got to the afterlife, and it was an awesome place. Fire everywhere. Super dramatic. Uh, you know, little bit like Reno, but better. Slayer playing. Dragons everywhere." (Marvel's Hit-Monkey, S01E10)
  • Marvel's Hit-Monkey Season Grade: C
  • "I just don't want an accident. Some loyalist in the hallway grabs you, smacks your delightfully shaped skull against a wall until it shatters and caves in, killing you and Paul. You know, can you imagine how upset I'd be? I'd fuck your dead body for days. I want you to know that."
    "Jesus."
    "Exactly. My love is strong." (The Great, S02E01)
  • "Oh. You're doing the frog?"
    "Yes, I'm doing the frog."
    "It is discredited hocus pocus. Instead I will insert this sage bundle into the royal cunt and that will do what the frog purports to." (The Great, S02E01)
  • "Don't be a blamer, George, or I will never fuck you with my tongue so that you literally melt in my mouth again." (The Great, S02E01)
  • "I thank you, but I have dirt to eat and my own counsel to take."
    "Head not heart, Catherine."
    "Reason not rage, Orlo."
    "There's a worm in that clump." (The Great, S02E01)
  • "But the way she was cruel to him broke something in him. A child should float in a bubble of love so that nothing can touch them, at least while they're young."
    "Was that what you did with Igor?"
    "I did. I at least know I did that."
    "How did he die?"
    "Drowned in the lake." (The Great, S02E01)
  • "I'll make a little weed salsa verde." (The Great, S02E01)
  • "The more you toy with me, the harder my cock gets. There are softer oak trees." (The Great, S02E01)
  • ♫: Perfume Genius – "Queen" (The Great, S02E01)
  • "Oh, let us kill him slowly until he realizes he's been abandoned by God." (The Great, S02E02)
  • "Are you crying?"
    "If it will help, yes." (The Great, S02E02)
  • "'Give her your fear as you gave it me. Fuck with her, you fuck with me.'" (The Great, S02E02)
  • "I assume you came with a question, as I know you would have the good grace not to interrupt a man who has a bowl of wine." (The Great, S02E02)
  • "Are you sucking on a nail?"
    "I am, and I will not be shamed." (The Great, S02E04)
  • "If it precipitates war, I'm all for it."
    "What a surprising position for you to take." (The Great, S02E04)
  • "Call me when you feel the need for masturbation." (The Great, S02E04)
  • "I say each wall different. You know, green for the love of nature. That one will be yellow for the sunshine of a new day, then this one dark red as blood for his future. Then one, whatever the color of crispy pork is." (The Great, S02E04)
  • "Out of bounds, Tatyana. He's on cum patrol!" (The Great, S02E04)
  • "He has us in a pincer movement. We can wriggle, but how do we break free?"
    "I thought the answer was next."
    "More a summation of the position." (The Great, S02E05)
  • "You used to eat crotch bread yourself." (The Great, S02E05)
  • ♫: Angel Olsen – "Shut Up Kiss Me" (The Great, S02E05)
  • "I see, you are to toy with me longer. It is a mean streak I do not appreciate, even though I appreciate them generally, and it is dull, as we could be having more fun, and much varied fornication and good times eating chocolate‐dipped grapes while we bathe together and I toe‐fuck you." (The Great, S02E06)
  • "One never forgets one's wet nurse. Half the people in this room have drunk her milk." (The Great, S02E06)
  • "A boy should not see his mother fucked in the face." (The Great, S02E08)
  • "We just need to ride her out. She will get bored of venison schnitzel and leave." (The Great, S02E08)


» Gillian Anderson licking a fig (The Great, S02E08)

  • "However, the indelible imprint of the royal cunt cannot be faked." (The Great, S02E08)
  • "I bless this ground. May it be left empty and the sounds we hear in a few days' time are the insane pained shrieks of woman giving birth to a wailing, shitting child, gifted by God with health and wealth…rather than the images of the dead grey carcasses of your beloved." (The Great, S02E08)
  • "Who a woman marries defines her life, only kings for mine." (The Great, S02E08)
  • "What tree are you imagining us against?"
    "Oh, uh, the birch." (The Great, S02E08)
  • "You have the most beautiful skin. Sitting here, I was overwhelmed by a desire to razor it off and make wallpaper from it." (The Great, S02E08)
  • "Killing, pillaging, and they will eventually take it if we do not respond. It‐it‐it's like a pie. You take a bite, you want to keep taking another."
    "Well, the pie analogy is quite telling." (The Great, S02E08)
  • "You are fond of Peter. And why not? Handsome as hell. He's a taste one wants in one's mouth." (The Great, S02E08)
  • "I gave him a small bit of foie gras before. He made a sound like a dove coming." (The Great, S02E09)
  • "I insert this in you. You hold it up there until your walls naturally contract around it, re-tightening the royal cunt." (The Great, S02E09)
  • "We can beg. Well, Agnes can. I have this knee that clicks when I get on my knees."
    "Whereas I love getting on my knees."
    "You used to." (The Great, S02E09)
  • ♫: Love – "Everybody's Gotta Live" (The Great, S02E09)
  • "In case you can't see, I am in the middle of fucking this solider while he is being slightly asphyxiated by a macaron." (The Great, S02E10)
  • The Great Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: What We Do in the Shadows

Broken stories told facetious

// Chicago, IL

What is this, the third train car I've been in this trip that's reeked of cigarettes?

Oh…

10AM on Pink Line.


Fuck, that's right. I can't bring this crispy short rib hummus on the plane. It's more than 3.4 ounces. Don't want to risk checking it either.

And this banana budino… Why did I get two? I can't eat it all before my flight.

I will never forgive al-Qaeda for ruining bringing creamy foods home via air travel.


How old are the barf bags on this plane? I have never encountered someone who has used one. Like with Q-tips, I think a box of them will last a lifetime.

Do they expire? No way cost-cutting airlines willingly replace unused ones.


Interesting that Southwest's complimentary beverages include Coca-Cola and 7UP and not Coca-Cola and [Coca-Cola-owned] Sprite.

In-N-Out carries 7UP instead of Sprite too.

Coca-Cola Freestyle machines carry Dr. Pepper but not [Dr. Pepper-owned] 7UP. Coca-Cola Freestyle machines carry both Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb, though.

Pepsi owns 7UP internationally. Is [Pepsi-owned] Sierra Mist only available in America?

Violent faith in better days

The Challenge has existed for four decades?

What began with a fun competition between the casts of The Real World and Road Rules in 1997…

Okay, existed in, not for.

That means The Undertaker has wrestled in five de— no, decades begin with the year ending in 1.

That means Sting has wrestled in five decades.


ADDICTED TO MARRIAGE (TLC)
Premieres Tuesday, November 16

ADDICTED TO MARRIAGE follows the lives of four intriguing women who love to get married. Meet Monette, Shae, Amy, and Kecia, who collectively have been down the aisle a total of 20 times!

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

46. Hot Ones (South Side, S02E01)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "Conference call jokes are just the best jokes, huh?" (Succession, S03E04)
  • "'Little Lord Fuckleroy'…has left the call." (Succession, S03E04)
  • "On Kendall? Woke-ahontas?" (Succession, S03E04)
  • "Uh, not today, Roman, I have a date."
    "Fuck off! With who? Montgomery Clift? The Ghost of Christmas Past?" (Succession, S03E04)
  • "Rabbit-cam, for the kids." (Succession, S03E04)
  • "I'm headed straight to Josh's compound. Tell Dad, 'Meep-meep!' It's from Road Runner." (Succession, S03E04)
  • Kendall and Logan awkward silence (Succession, S03E04)
  • "Well, you know, Beatles put out some of their best shit when they were suing each other. Right?"
    "Yeah, good band."
    "Uh-huh. Great band."
    "Good band." (Succession, S03E04)
  • "And I am going to be down in a dungeon somewhere, sucking off ogres for phone cards." (Succession, S03E04)
  • "Nero and Sporus. I don't— That is not IP I'm familiar with." (Succession, S03E04)
  • "I'd castrate you and marry you in a heartbeat." (Succession, S03E04)
  • "You're so hard to riff with." (Succession, S03E04)
  • "But in terms of the temperature?"
    "Uh, it's attritional, huh?" (Succession, S03E04)
  • "And I thought, 'What if I forget to burp the toilet wine?'" (Succession, S03E04)
  • "There's a line."
    "Nothing is a line. Everything everywhere is always moving forever." (Succession, S03E04)
  • More Kendall and Logan awkward silence (Succession, S03E04)
  • "You know something, son? I'd sooner get fucked by a spic in a shower block than see you have it." (Succession, S03E04)
  • ♫: Drew Love, Loshendrix, and Mike Hector – "Snoring" (Insecure, S05E03)
  • "What happened?"
    "Um, I guess my baby was just born?" (Insecure, S05E03)
  • "Mom did great. Couldn't have gone smoother. Very little tearing." (Insecure, S05E03)
  • Keke Palmer (Insecure, S05E03)
  • "You gon' be there when they cut his little tallywacker, right?"
    "I mean, that didn't come up, but hell yeah."
    "You gotta make sure they don't cut off too much. Happened to my cousin. I didn't look, but he told me. Still a stunnin' nigga, though." (Insecure, S05E03)
  • "Classic Alarm" feed alarm sound (Insecure, S05E03)
  • "Shake my hand, son."
    "Oh, blessed me with a five." (Insecure, S05E03)
  • "Oh, so she made an Evite, and you gave up on your baby's soul." (Insecure, S05E03)
  • "Ashy Larry strikes again." (Insecure, S05E03)
  • "Hey, y'all got Peppa Pig?"
    "No, no, no. That's Pepper Pig with a hard 'R.' You know, there was copyright issues, and the snout's a little off." (Insecure, S05E03)
  • "Happy Birthday, Simone, an angel amongst demons." (Insecure, S05E03)
  • "I liked it. They liked it."
    "Mm-hmm."
    "They liked it? Or they liked it?"
    "All three of them."
    "I'm not non-binary. I'm only a 'they' when I'm with a group of people." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E03)
  • "Hey, Larry, come for Shabbos dinner one of these weekends. We had Bari Weiss last Friday night." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E03)
  • "They can't fucking middle." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E03)
  • "You couldn't pay me to listen to advice from a stage three. Stage four only!" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E03)
  • "Are you saying I achieved Goebbels lying status?
    "Yeah, yeah, you're—"
    "Because Goebbels is the GOAT." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E03)
  • "I take all the elements of an ED pill and I infuse it into a beverage. I call it 'tap water.'" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E03)
  • "She's practicing her lines and she's gyrating. Look at her. Look."
    "Eat them latkes! [moans]" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E03)
  • "Anyway, if you need any advice about anything at all, he's possessed with stage four wisdom." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S11E03)
  • "Do you think he could work here two or three days a week?"
    "Well… It's 2018 and the economy's booming…" (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E01)
  • "One time, I almost didn't chaperone a field trip downstate because I accidentally watched Final Destination 5. I was horrified the Mackinac Bridge would collapse when the bus went over." (Joe Pera Talks With You, S03E02)
  • "Pain's a lot easier if you let someone feel it with you." (Chucky, S01E05)
  • ♫: Lauv – "Modern Loneliness" (Chucky, S01E05)
  • ♫: Yeah Yeah Yeahs – "Heads Will Roll" (Chucky, S01E05)
  • "Okay, finally, on page 154. I'm-I'm looking at a legal argument. Here we go: "grounds for impeachment." It… No, it's just more sex." (American Crime Story, S03E10)
  • "Nobody deserves Linda Tripp." (American Crime Story, S03E10)
  • "Ingraham might know. She's dating Lindsey Graham now." (American Crime Story, S03E10)
  • "Ugh, God, another Clinton woman."
    "Aren't the Grammys on?" (American Crime Story, S03E10)
  • American Crime Story Season Grade: C
  • "You're a hard-working man who wants to eat a steak that he bought off a website. That story is old as the hills." (South Side, S02E01)
  • "I don't want to watch BET+. Who is Ayala? Did they reboot the teen summit?" (South Side, S02E01)
  • "Martinez has been compiling a complete list. And there's some new gangs. The Slashos, the HKs. The Jerks? That's a gang?"
    "Uh, no, sir. That's a Jamaican spot up the street. I think some of those are lunch places that I wanted to try out."
    "The Chimichangas?"
    "Cold-blooded killers. My cousin one."
    "Okay. Here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna read this list, and, Martinez, you're gonna tell me if this is your lunch or it is a gang we gotta worry about."
    "10-4."
    "Cold Glass of Water?"
    "That's a gang. They drown people."
    "Death Squad?"
    "That is a, uh, hot-sauce spot off of Halsted."
    "GSAs, aka The Granny Smith Apples."
    "That is a ruthless gang."
    "The Drunken Noodles?"
    "That's my favorite Thai street food."
    "The Gizzards?"
    "That's a gang."
    "The Bridgeport Mashers."
    "That's a mashed potato place."
    "The Banh Mi."
    "Sir, that's a French-Asian fusion gang."
    "Okay, and last but not least is Chicago Style Pizzas. I'm going out on a limb. That's a gang?"
    "You right." (South Side, S02E02)
  • "I'm on Tinder, Finder, Blinder, Grindr – nah, just playing with you – Bumble, Stumble, Tumble, and, of course, Negro Search." (South Side, S02E02)
  • "Oh, I can cuss. I can cuss with the best of the them. Vagina!" (South Side, S02E02)
  • "Distract him, Simon!"
    "Hey, Terry, what did you watch on TV last night?"
    "Eyewitness news."
    "What's your favorite song?"
    "'Summer Breeze.'"
    "Alright. There we go. Who did— Who sings that?"
    "The Isley Brothers. I love Ron Isley!"
    "Who's your favorite member of TLC?"
    "Quietly, T-Boz." (South Side, S02E02)
  • "That bartender look like Rhymefest."
    "Yeah. Looks like." (South Side, S02E02)
  • "Ooh, girl, Dusty Byfuglien looking at you." (South Side, S02E03)
  • "Oh, you're Allen Gayle. Oh, I pictured somebody dark-skinned. Damn. This is as disappointing as the first time I saw Ludacris." (South Side, S02E03)
  • "Introducing the RTO-patented Gyrobot."
    "Opa!"
    "Like a lot of you, I thought it was a robot wearing a karate gi."
    "None of us thought that." (South Side, S02E03)
  • "He breakin' my heart. I should just throw myself off this couch and kill myself right now!"
    "It would be a light sprain." (South Side, S02E03)
  • "We need to lift this word up. We claimed it now. We should make it the new crypto. 'Nigga' as a crypto."
    "I'm sorry. You're hoping to invest and get other people to invest?"
    "I'm just saying, brother—"
    "Buying and selling…"
    "It's— It's—"
    "…niggas."
    "You're gonna monetize that word?"
    "As a coin."
    "I'm just saying there's value in niggas."
    "By reintroducing slavery as a concept." (South Side, S02E03)
  • "Allen Gayle waits in line at In-N-Out. For a mediocre burger." (South Side, S02E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: What We Do in the Shadows

Jonathan Yueller's Day Off

// Chicago, IL

Will Smith Book Tour?

And what's this next to the legendary Chicago Theatre?

Wikipedia » Medieval Torture Museum »

The Medieval Torture Museum is the largest interactive torture museum in the United States, displaying a private collection of torture, execution and restraint devices.

History
The idea of creating a museum where visitors could feel the emotional side of the torture chamber was inspired by a visit to the torture museum in the Czech Republic, where there was only old dilapidated equipment that was exhibited behind glass, which did not instill a natural, emotional reaction.

Awards
In 2019, the Florida weekly FOLIO published a rating "Best of Saint Augustine 2019," in which the Medieval Torture Museum took 4th place in the Best Museum nomination.

The museum received a Certificate of Excellence from the TripAdvisor platform, which is issued to accommodations, attractions and restaurants that consistently earn great reviews from travelers.

And what's this next to the Medieval Torture Museum?