Adam Riff™

33. Private School Interview (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E05)

Honourable Mention

• Overdose (The Rehearsal, S01E04)

Stray Observations

• "You sho'll mo' secretive than a Janet Jackson lyric." (P-Valley, S02E08)
• "Just cause you gave a bіtch some olive branch booty don't mean a bitch past nothin'…"
  "That was more than a olive branch, niggah. That was like some 100-year oak." (P-Valley, S02E08)
• "Where you goin'?"
  "Somewhere. Unlike that nowhere you goin'." (P-Valley, S02E08)
• "I know me a niggah-niggah when I sees one." (P-Valley, S02E08)
• "Pastor Woodbine, what do you have to say to the people?"
  "I done told everyone that I was a hое. I sucked a lot of dicks in my day. I done fucked tricks and bitch-slapped many muthafuckers, and God knows I did my share of check fraud shit. Because the people runnin' this city didn't leave me a nary option. But that was yesterday. Today, I am a woman of God, makin' sure that sin don't have to come climbin' in yo' backdoors like it did mine. I hoed so you could fly, Chucalissa." (P-Valley, S02E08)
• "Oh, honey, you're in the wrong place. Shay-Nay-Nay's Beauty Shop is a bit further down the strip." (P-Valley, S02E08)
• ♫: Kingpin Skinny Pimp – "Lookin' for da Chewin'" (P-Valley, S02E07)
• ♫: 21 Savage – "Red Opps" (P-Valley, S02E08)
• "Not the house niggah axin' me to be his field niggah." (P-Valley, S02E08)
• "Do you know what it feel like to have the whole world turn they nose up at you?"
  "Yes, half-niggah, I do. See, the difference 'tween us is I know what I'll never be." (P-Valley, S02E08)
• "Maybe my wife's right. Hmm."
  "Don't make your mistress wrong." (P-Valley, S02E08)
• "These streets know my knees." (P-Valley, S02E08)
• "That's all I'm gettin'?"
  "You can barely handle these lips. And these labias, baby, on another level." (P-Valley, S02E08)
• "Do y'all have a student discount?"
  "No!" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E07)
• "I know you're busy with all your new friends."
  "My new friends?"
  "The drug addicts."
  "Oh, NA. We're calling them the drug addicts. Okay." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E07)
• "I mean, I'm not, I'm not broken, you know?"
  "Daniel, you're a drug addict who works part-time at a bike shop and teaches bored kids about genital wars."
  "I mean, on paper, yeah, but-but I have two jobs."
  "But they're…" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E07)
• "You know, when my daughter first started talking to me like that, I had two choices, either I was gonna respect her, or I was gonna send her to Africa. Sent her ass to Africa. I'm not even from there. I hope she all right." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E07)
• "Nigga, are you wearing Old Spice?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E07)
• "Betrayed by my own son. What kind of Luke Skywalker shit is this?"
  "The-the-the dad is the bad guy in Star Wars." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E07)
• "Maybe we get a fresh coat of paint in here. I'm thinking Almond Sunrise. It's the…it's what almonds looks like at the first light of day." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E07)
• "Dude, you Kareem. Any woman over 40 with kids would love you." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E07)
• "Nigga, did you put on more Old Spice?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E07)
• "I'm trying to win $50,000, but you keep crying in the shop." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E07)
• "Dan, tell Kareem that it's not that I don't want him."
  "Kareem, did you hear what she said? The sound traveled?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E07)
• "Babe, I could never be Dan. I am too handsome and too strong. Plus, I know how to take the proper amount of pills." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E07)
• "Okay. All right. Okay, that's good. The whole animal kingdom." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E07)
• Jackie Chan Adventures (Better Call Saul, S06E11)
• "Look, narca, we're not doing drugs, so stop trying to cast, y'know…aspersions."
  "Narca?"
  "Yeah. 'Narca.' The feminine version of 'narco.' Conjugate much?" (Better Call Saul, S06E11)
• "But, uh, it's still clogged, dude."
  "You can do it. It's a simple up and down motion, like you're used to." (Better Call Saul, S06E11)
• ♫: Looking Glass – "Brandy [You're a Fine Girl]" karaoke (Better Call Saul, S06E11)
• Grave to bed transition (Better Call Saul, S06E11)
• "Guy with that mustache probably doesn't make a lot of good life choices." (Better Call Saul, S06E11)
• "So? A guy with cancer can't be an asshole?" (Better Call Saul, S06E11)
• Written by Ayo Edebiri (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E05)
• "Have you been watching Star Trek?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E05)

Human attire (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E05)

• "Gay is in. Gay is hot. I want some gay." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E05)
• "You need to know that we're very gay for each other."
  "Completely gay. We are like two French trombones."
  "And this guy? I ream him nightly. And I'm always sucking him off. They are like, 'Come, it's dinner! Stop sucking off your gay husband!'"
  "Which is amusing, 'cause I am dinner. And I just carry on reaming him. Sexually." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E05)
• Banana in the glass of water (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E05)
• "This motherfucker is a starfucker. Yes, that is what these schools want. They want the famous parents, so they can be like, 'I couldn't possibly say anything, but Lionel fucking Barrymore's kids might just go here.'"
  "Nadja's right. He fucks stars." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E05)
• "This is Colin's father, you know, the guy from Incomprehensible Jesters." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E04)
• "Whoa. Who the hell is that guy?"
  "It is me, Nandor."
  "Oh, no, no. You're not Nandor."
  "Okay, fine, fine, I am not Nandor. I am…Adolfo, the butler or some shit."(What We Do in the Shadows, S04E05)

(What We Do in the Shadows, S04E05)

• "No reaming for you tonight. No reaming, no sucking, no tickling, no fingering, no fucking. And don't even think about scritchy-scratching on my door like a little horny squirrel." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E05)
• "Do not watch two dogs get stuck together. For if you do, you shall get pink eye." (Reservation Dogs, S02E01)
• "You got your, uh…your sacred curlies in, right?"
  "My what?"
  "Your sacred hairs. Your man mesh. Your nest of creation. Your he-muff, she-muff, they-muff down there. See, long time ago, when our sacred hairs came in like that, it meant that we weren't children no more and that we started working for the people. You…you're acting like a kid, man. We all had a job. We all had a role. That's how we built strong nations, like each a stitch in the great loin cloth of the people." (Reservation Dogs, S02E01)
• "Aho. Creator, thank you for these sacred tater tots that my nephew-grandson-grandpa here has given me." (Reservation Dogs, S02E01)
• "Holy men can't be having colonizer boobs on their wall." (Reservation Dogs, S02E01)
• "I'm pretty sure there were six extra frames when he exploded." (Reservation Dogs, S02E01)
• ♫: Beat Happening – "Indian Summer" (Reservation Dogs, S02E01)
• ♫: Bright Eyes – "Devil Town" (Reservation Dogs, S02E01)
• "Oh, your most heavenly gracious father, thank you for blessing us with another day. Please help me to finish my Gloria Steinem book. It's a long slog. If I read even just a page a night before I fall asleep, that's all I ask, all right?" (Reservation Dogs, S02E02)
• "Could you pass the rolls and the ranch dressing? Those are good together. Have you tried it? 'Cause that's kind of all I'm gonna have. Yeah, it's a bad habit I've gotten into. Yeah, since Ed left, it's like, who cares anymore? It's just all carbs all the time. There's so much sour cream in there, you would not believe. Now really eat up. Ah, it's so good. Oh, I'm almost out. You don't want to see what happens when I run out of ranch dressing." (Reservation Dogs, S02E02)
• "Catfish is life, I guess." (Reservation Dogs, S02E02)

(Harley Quinn, S03E04)

• "No! Annihilate my taint." (Harley Quinn, S03E04)
• "But I was almost done carbo-loading for the fuckfest." (Harley Quinn, S03E04)
• ♫: Clairmont the Second – "Intres-Ting" (Rap Sh!t, S01E04)
• "I've got fuckin' bodywash on me, bitch!" (Rap Sh!t, S01E04)
• "Chastity gay, so I know there's a Gatorade up in here somewhere." (Rap Sh!t, S01E04)
• ♫: Gunna – "Dollaz on My Head [feat. Young Thug]" (Rap Sh!t, S01E04)
• ♫: The Verve – "Lucky Man" (Black Bird, S01E06)
• </Black Bird, S01>
• "And the town of Eagle Creek, my home base for this project, definitely has a lot to offer."
  [Brown Eggs, Pole Buildings] (The Rehearsal, S01E04)
• Raising Cane's cashier actor wearing her mask under her nose (The Rehearsal, S01E04)
• "But every night when I went home, it was still my house. My marble coffee table. My TV. My black and white toilet." (The Rehearsal, S01E04)
• Keyblade in Thomas' home (The Rehearsal, S01E04)
• "I continued following the lesson plan until I was working at an Ubatuba also." (The Rehearsal, S01E04)
• Security guard actor's final showcase (The Rehearsal, S01E04)
• "Hey. How you doing? You wanna see a card trick or something, like a magic trick?" (The Rehearsal, S01E04)
• "I'm not a snitch."
  "You're a fucking disaster, my guy." (The Rehearsal, S01E04)
• Thomas playing a paramedic (The Rehearsal, S01E04)
• "Hey! Have you seen a 15-year-old boy around here?"
  "No, I haven't. I've seen an older man walking around over there."
  "An older man? No, no. That wouldn't be him." (The Rehearsal, S01E04)

(Paper Girls, S01E06)

• ♫: Pavement – "Spit on a Stranger" (Paper Girls, S01E06)
• "Butts" tombstone (Paper Girls, S01E07)
• The Real World: Hawaii (Paper Girls, S01E07)
• </Paper Girls, S01>
• "I am…a dire wolf." (The Sandman, S01E04)
• "You are utterly the stupidest, most self-centered, pathetic excuse for an anthropomorphic personification on this or any other plane." (The Sandman, S01E06)
• "Said the pumpkin to the talking bird." (The Sandman, S01E07)
• </The Sandman, S01>

32. Tampon Talk (Paper Girls, S01E05)

Stray Observations

• "When we're done, you won't remember a thing. Like your flesh closing around a splinter." (Westworld, S04E05)
• ♫: Ramin Djawadi – "Perfect Day" (Westworld, S04E05)
• ♫: Ramin Djawadi – "The Day the World Went Away" (Westworld, S04E05)
• "Naw-naw-naw-naw naw-naw-naw what you not gone do is piss in my mouf and call it Kool-Aid." (P-Valley, S02E07)
• Terricka jamming to "WAP" (P-Valley, S02E07)
• "Nіggah, I know who the fuck Sisqo is." (P-Valley, S02E07)
• Black Lives Matter sign at abortion clinic protest (P-Valley, S02E07)
• "Whatchu lookin' at, R. Kelly?" (P-Valley, S02E07)
• ♫: Sisqo – "Thong Song" (P-Valley, S02E07)
• ♫: Kendrick Lamar – "LOVE. [feat. Zacari]" (P-Valley, S02E07)
• "I wanna feel you inside me." (P-Valley, S02E07)
• Clifford topping (P-Valley, S02E07)
• "Fill me up, niggah." (P-Valley, S02E07)
• "You can find me on Instagram. It's just a black square." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E06)
• "To quote our national anthem, 'Lift every voice and sing.'" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E06)
• "Come to the cookout."
  "I can come?"
  "Yeah. You're a strong white woman."
  "The fuck is he doing?"
  "He's just playing the game."
  "Yeah, but have some couth." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E06)
• "Cocaine helps me talk. Cough syrup makes me cool. Molly helps me fuck." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E06)
• "Nah, see, 'cause I be fucking with the confectioners' sugar. That granulated ain't really my style." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E06)
• "He Black. Mm-hmm." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E06)
• "And are you willing to kill your dad over that ass?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E06)
• "How'd you get so good at Crazy Eights?"
  "Well, my parents never let me play Spades. So I got good at all the games white people played. Like microaggressions."
  "Mm. We are good at that."
  "Yeah, we are."
  "That's our game."
  "Knack for that." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E06)
• "Two addicts alone with wine? Not on my watch. I'll handle this. Mmm, that is good. I see why y'all have a problem with this."
  "Well, it's more pills."
  "It's more pills, yeah." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E06)
• "Do I detect Cinnabons?" (Better Call Saul, S06E10)
• Taylor Martinez (Better Call Saul, S06E10)
• "How many of each?"
  "Three. Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered." (Better Call Saul, S06E10)
• Conference realignment (Better Call Saul, S06E10)
• "I'd give anything to cross over into a more mature audience."
  "Mature audiences fall asleep on the couch watching Netflix." (Irma Vep, S01E08)
• "No genuine art stems from confidence. You should be grateful for the doubts." (Irma Vep, S01E08)
• </Irma Vep, S01>
• "5am Primal scream," "9am Clitoral stimulation session with Jake" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E06)
• "Y-you should have a hoe phase first."
  "Bet."
  "You two are banned from interacting." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E06)
• "We're getting more anonymous tips than a Penn Station glory hole." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E06)
• "If my years in regional theater and wild orgies have taught me anything, it's that there is no getting rid of glitter." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E06)
• "Only Murderers in the Building is brought to you by Pink Ladle. Soup by women, for women." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E06)
• "I call it the Mariah. It's a-a pound of glitter, a jar of rubber cement, and-and just a nugget of C-4." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E06)
• "'Don't be too good at a job you don't want.'" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E06)
• "What about this one, Rumpelstiltskin? Rumpled-dick-skin, more like. You know that's how he got his name, this chap? Doesn't say that in the book."
  "What's 'dick skin'?"
  "What is dick skin? That's a bloody good question." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E04)
• "If I could just have a few moments of your time. I'm trying to raise money for my Uncle Jeffrey. He needs a new heart. So please enjoy this performance and know that anything you can give, anything, will help. [farting rhythmically]" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E04)
• "Enjoy your pile of shit." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E04)
• "And another high-flying Capoeira kick that does nothing." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E04)
• "Holy shit, he's Phantom Menacing. Lot of flash. Regular Darth Maul, Jr. over here." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E04)
• "Hey, folks, make sure to take your familiar corpses with you as you leave." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E04)
• Laszlo reading In Cold Blood to Colin Robinson (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E04)
• "So I look at Organizm and I-I say to him, 'I'm gonna pick Yuumi.'"
  "And I look back and I'm like… 'What the fuck?'" (Players, S01E10)
• </Players, S01>
• Rat pearl necklace scene (Harley Quinn, S03E01)
• "So what is it with you and, like, bags of people?" (Harley Quinn, S03E01)
• "Please, James Gunn, sit on me!" (Harley Quinn, S03E01)
• "She's like a failed Canadian political terrorist, right?"
  "I didn't know Canada made terrorists."
  "Chirp away, hosers! I almost blew up a super-soldier lab!" (Harley Quinn, S03E01)
• "It is so awesome and fucked up, it would make Lex Luthor shit his pants!"
  "That man does not sh¡t his pants for anything." (Harley Quinn, S03E02)
• "Fuck The Macaroni." (Harley Quinn, S03E02)
• "Is this an MLM? 'Cause I'm in." (Harley Quinn, S03E02)
• "She's never even seen Jurassic Park!"
  "Guys…"
  "What? You are missing out on 60% of my personality." (Harley Quinn, S03E02)
• "I am here for revenge! I gave Amy and Kite Man a very expensive pasta maker for their wedding, but they didn't get married! It's gauche to keep the gift." (Harley Quinn, S03E02)
• Carrie Bradshaw narration (Harley Quinn, S03E02)
• "Great, great, great, great! I'm going to die with the eighth Robin." (Harley Quinn, S03E02)
• "At last! I shall have my revenge for the pasta maker." (Harley Quinn, S03E02)
• Batman rubbing Catwoman's feet (Harley Quinn, S03E03)
• "Ow, my penises!" (Harley Quinn, S03E03)
• "I don't sit."
  "Ah, the Christopher Nolan school of acting, no sitting on set."
  "I don't ever sit."
  "Me neither. Another standing pooper!" (Harley Quinn, S03E03)
• Riddler and Clock King gay couple (Harley Quinn, S03E03)
• ♫: TVGUCCI – "Area 29" (Rap Sh!t, S01E03)
• ♫: Moneybagg Yo and Blac Youngsta – "Trickin Ass Nigga" (Rap Sh!t, S01E03)
• "Leftist Teachers Still Hate America" (Rap Sh!t, S01E03)
• ♫: Unidentified song at 6:50 (Rap Sh!t, S01E03)
• "Ain't nobody tryna be your Zola! Girl, bye!" (Rap Sh!t, S01E03)
• "He wore Goodfellow underwear."
  "How the fuck is that supposed to help us, Treasure?"
  "I don't know! Maybe the nigga worked at Target or something!" (Rap Sh!t, S01E03)
• "You don't celebrate Halloween?
  "No."
  "Oh. Was there a reason?"
  "Um… Well, I— Because it's the highest satanic holiday of the year. So the Satanists do sacrifices on this day."
  "There's sacrifices?"
  "Yes."
  "I've never seen that celebrated anywhere."
  "Because you won't see it because it's underground."
  "But where does it happen?"
  "It happens at places like Bohemian Grove." (The Rehearsal, S01E03)
• "I'm wearing the necklace like this and he's in this urn."
  "These his ashes?"
  "Yeah, his ashes right in here."
  "Oh."
  "Yep, so both of my grandpas are here."
  "What's that other thing on the necklace?
  "That's the Punisher emblem." (The Rehearsal, S01E03)
• Replica Raising Cane's (The Rehearsal, S01E03)
• "And as long as you're with Nes, I'm not giving it to you."
  "Dude, yeah, but that's if she was…a gold digger, but she's not. She's a penny pincher. She's a Jew about it, pretty much. If I— You know, and you know how the Jews are 'bout that kind of thing. She just penny pinches and she's not one to hurt me in that regard."
  "Yeah, I'm trying to just calibrate, because to me it's like, 'Oh, that's an anti-Semitic
  stereotype.' You know, but, um… it is a personal conversation with you and your brother and I do want you to be yourself."
  "Yeah, my brother would say similar things, so, yeah. It's like, 'Oh, you know, don't be so Jewish like to me on things.'" (The Rehearsal, S01E03)
• "So at what point in the conversation would you wanna say this is a Jew?" (The Rehearsal, S01E03)
• Nathan feeding the child actor playing his son a pickle slice (The Rehearsal, S01E03)
• "I'm over there wiping grandpa's ass, dude, while we were watching Dragon Ball Z." (The Rehearsal, S01E03)
• Hermie (The Rehearsal, S01E03)
• Extra pretending to eat a chicken finger (The Rehearsal, S01E03)
• "When your three-year-old son goes into his room…and emerges as a six-year-old a minute later, it can be hard to stay in the moment. So, you need to have custom digital mirrors installed that allow you to see yourself age at the same pace as your child. But that means the world around you has to move faster too. Seeds that are planted one week have to be plump vegetables the next." (The Rehearsal, S01E03)
• ♫: New Order – "Age of Consent" (Paper Girls, S01E01)
• Dave Matthews Band shirts (Paper Girls, S01E02)
• "Emotionally, I'm gonna win." (Paper Girls, S01E05)