Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

41. Dennis without make-up (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S14E03)


Stray Observations

  • "Time for a blood sacrifice." (Succession, S02E09)
  • Sam Esmail: "Goodbye, friend." (Mr. Robot, S04E01)
  • "Who wants to suck an old man's dick?" (The Righteous Gemstones, S01E08)
  • "Urethra!" (The Righteous Gemstones, S01E08)
  • Edgy BJ (The Righteous Gemstones, S01E08)
  • "So basically what you're saying is you need black-up." (Black-ish, S06E03)
  • "So men are the white people of gender." (Black-ish, S06E03)
  • "You have the tendon dexterity of a sow." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S14E03)
  • "'Make the world your clam.'" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S14E03)
  • "It's not the clams!!!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S14E03)
  • Retrospective of Dee's characters (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S14E03)
  • Charlie and Dennis making out (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S14E03)
  • "Oh, I don't want to taste your cheese. It's weird."
    "Well, I don't want to taste your cheese either!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S14E03)
  • "Do you like hard candy?" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S14E03)
  • "You're like the Pam Anderson boob motorcycle of people." (The Good Place, S04E03)
  • Primal Season Grade: B

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Succession
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two

Becoming Whole

// Louisville, KY


Uber #1

A Mercedes-Benz C-Class?

Oh. It's a white boy driving a hand-me-down.

What is that smell?!


Uber #2

♫ Eminem – "The Real Slim Shady" ♫

So this is Kentucky radio.

followed by
♫ Maroon 5 – "Harder to Breathe" ♫

followed by a radio station promo:
♫ a clip of Eminem – "Without Me" ♫
followed by
♫ a clip of a Maroon 5 song ♫


Uber #3

"Are you here for the IRONMAN triathlon?"
"Heh, no."

[fans self internally]

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


40. Mid-Day News (Saturday Night Live, S45E02)


Stray Observations

  • Ken.W.A (Succession, S02E08)
  • "Give me the LaCie Rugged drive." (The Righteous Gemstones, S01E07)
  • "Doesn't matter. I love my bi son." (The Righteous Gemstones, S01E07)
  • "His knife versus my guns." (American Horror Story, S09E03)
  • Dolph Lundgren (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S14E02)
  • "Just give him an accent."
    "What kind of accent?"
    "What about Australian? That's pretty foreign."
    "No, that's not gonna work."
    "'Cause they're white."
    "No, because they're fun. They're a very fun group of people, right? I mean… Try to hate an Australian. It's impossible."
    "A bunch of rapscallions."
    "Little rascals." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S14E02)
  • "I'm mad, but I don't know at what anymore." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S14E02)
  • "Give me dong or give me death." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S14E02)
  • "No, no, no. Pirating is stealing. We didn't steal it, okay? We just downloaded it."
    "Uh, the website is called 'moviepirate.com.'"
    "And the other one is called, uh, 'freemovies/arrrgh.'"
    "Ahhh, I'm starting to see a little bit of a pattern here, because, uh, I also use one called 'stolenmovies.free.'" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S14E02)
  • "Put on the Auto Motion Plus." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S14E02)
  • "The Jacksonville Jaguars cut Blake Bortles." (The Good Place, S04E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Succession
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two

Damn, Damn, Buttermilk Jesus

Sketch Idea: A reality show in which 10 Breitbart devotees are dropped in, like, Gold Coast and forced to survive.

Hyde Park?


Idea: A reboot of HBO's Oz entirely starring entertainers whose careers were derailed by sexual misconduct: Jeffrey Tambor, Kevin Spacey, Louis CK, James Franco…


That awkward moment when you select "no tip" on the tablet as the employee ringing you up watches.

All I did was buy a cookie!

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


39. Drifters (Cake, S01E01)


Stray Observations

  • "I'm gonna move to Malibu Beach, shave my pussy, learn to surf."
    "Shave your pussy? Why you gonna shave your pussy?"
    "So I can surf faster, Jesse! All y'all trying to suppress me, tell me I can't shave stuff." (The Righteous Gemstones, S01E06)
  • "Don't shave your pussy. Your time will come." (The Righteous Gemstones, S01E06)
  • "She can know who George Washington was and still fuck." (The Deuce, S03E03)
  • "I don't give a fuck! Frisée fucking Lardon!" (The Deuce, S03E03)
  • "Look, some dickhead broke into your apartment and attacked you. That's gotta super scary. I mean, a stranger once grabbed my boob outside a Sam Goody, so I get it." (American Horror Story, S09E02)
  • "Do you want to know the other great thing about God? You can use him to explain why something happened, but you can also use him to explain why you did something. Even something horrible. Isn't that great?"
    "So I don't have to feel bad for anything I do?"
    "Not if you're doing God's work." (American Horror Story, S09E02)
  • "Dude, go first."
    "Fuck you! Why me?"
    "You're a world-class athlete. You're faster than all of us."
    "I do the fucking pommel horse!" (American Horror Story, S09E02)
  • "So let's kick things off with our official Bad Place song."
    ♫ "1-877-KARS for Kids…" ♫ (The Good Place, S04E01)
  • "I tried talking to her, but it was the dullest conversation I have ever had, and this is coming from someone who once split a Xanax with Peter Sarsgaard." (The Good Place, S04E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Succession
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two

Pitmaster Ramone

I enter the men's bathroom at my gym and see a homeless-looking dude at the sinks with a bunch of crumpled paper grocery bags on the countertop.

No home, but a gym membership? I wonder.

// 30 min later

I enter the men's bathroom at my gym and see said homeless-looking dude shirtless and making a smoothie, a waste bin beside him on the floor.

So the paper bags contained produce…

I notice a peeler, but instead of chopping up an apple, he take bites of it, chews vigorously, and spits into a two-thirds-filled blender jar.

// 30 min later

He's still making smoothie?

It is 12:30 a.m.


I'm making smoothies in the men's bathroom at my gym and this Asian dude in a ratty Ed Hardy shirt keeps coming in to pee.


Shirt Idea: The BVLGARI logo, but it reads "BVLGOGI."