The Bad Touch

on

[pause]

A startup called Sperm Racing said it raised $1.5 million to stage the event at the famed concert venue Hollywood Palladium on April 25.

Eric Zhu, the company's 17-year-old co-founder, said the inaugural event will pit samples against each other on a race track modeled on the female reproductive system.

Zhu said the goal is to have fun while raising awareness about male fertility. "Sperm is surprising as a biomarker. The healthier you are, the faster sperm moves."

Two students from rival universities were found to have "matching biomarkers" and selected to take part.

The event will run three races in front of a crowd of 4,000 spectators, and feature play-by-play commentary, instant replays, and leaderboards. [source]

Lil Jon?

A live video feed, magnified 40 times to display the 0.05mm spermatozoa, will track the samples' progress.

Sperm typically swim at about 5mm per minute, meaning each race will take at least 40 minutes. Whichever crosses the finish line first, as "verified by advanced imaging," will be declared the winner.

Zhu founded Sperm Racing with Nick Small, 16, head of the business management consulting firm Stealth; Shane Fan, chief executive of the NFT pricing platform Waterfall; and Garrett Niconienko, former content strategist for Mr. Beast. [source]


The Sperm Racing team

manifesto

male fertility is declining. like, a lot. it's happening quietly, steadily, and nobody's really talking about it.

we're taking a topic no one wants to touch and making it interesting, measurable, and weirdly changing this paradigm.

I mean, I guess…

A pick'em!

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

17. Squish-Gallo (Daredevil: Born Again, S01E09)

Stray Observations

  • ♫: Crooked Still – "Ecstasy" (The Last of Us, S02E01)
  • "Hey, Hayden." (The Righteous Gemstones, S04E06)
  • "My fucking hunks!" (The Righteous Gemstones, S04E06)
  • </Daredevil: Born Again, S01>
  • "Am I crazy, or is that way faster than it looks?"
    "Thank God all I ate today was hard-boiled eggs." (Abbott Elementary, S04E22)
  • </Abbott Elementary, S04>
  • "I'm sorry if I ate too much cantaloupe." (Hacks, S04E03)

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on


15. Bubbles Jackson Interview (Everybody's Live With John Mulaney, 09 Apr 25)

Honourable Mention

  • Triple Suicide Slide (David Blaine: Do Not Attempt, S01E05)
  • Slicing a 6mm BB gun bullet flying at you at 350kph with a katana (David Blaine: Do Not Attempt, S01E06)

Stray Observations

  • ♫: Billy Preston – "Nothing From Nothing" (The White Lotus, S03E08)
  • </The White Lotus, S03>
  • "The slurping of the holes is burned into our memory, a scar upon the mind." (The Righteous Gemstones, S04E05)
  • "She's attempting to make you a Dateline episode, son." (The Righteous Gemstones, S04E05)
  • </David Blaine: Do Not Attempt, S01>
  • The Americana at Brand (Hacks, S04E02)
  • "You think George Clooney does pranks because they're fun? The man is sick." (Hacks, S04E02)
  • ♫: Marianne Faithfull – "The Mystery of Love" (Yellowjackets, S03E10)
  • "Well, she was desperate for someone to talk to, and you were busy eating your ex-girlfriend's arm, so…" (Yellowjackets, S03E10)
  • "I knew you'd turn out to be boring." (Yellowjackets, S03E10)
  • "Prepare her for tonight. And when it's done, bring me her hair." (Yellowjackets, S03E10)
  • </Yellowjackets, S03>
  • Balatro (Black Mirror, S07E03)
  • </Black Mirror, S07>

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

14. The Way of Water (The Righteous Gemstones, S04E04)

Honourable Mention

  • Sufi Fakir Urs (David Blaine: Do Not Attempt, S01E03)
  • Clasp (Dying for Sex, S01E03)

Stray Observations

  • "Ugh, just picture Daddy's shaft going into Lori's elderly juice pit." (The Righteous Gemstones, S04E04)
  • Toy Cybertruck (The Righteous Gemstones, S04E04)
  • "You're glad about your mom mashing pubes?" (The Righteous Gemstones, S04E04)
  • "Maybe if you weren't so busy trying to insert yourself into my son's life, you would have figured it out."
    "Insert myself?"
    "Oh, I feel like there's a different way to say that."
    "Stop trying to insert yourself into my son." (The Righteous Gemstones, S04E04)
  • "Daddy, you were 69ing!"
    "Where was your nose, Daddy?" (The Righteous Gemstones, S04E04)
  • "Daddy?"
    "Yes, sweetheart?"
    "Your dick is leaking pre-cum, and it's leaving a wet spot on your pants." (The Righteous Gemstones, S04E04)
  • </Common Side Effects, S01>
  • "When you look outside this window, what do you see?"
    "Starbucks?" (Daredevil: Born Again, S01E07)
  • "Did they forget about us?"
    "Oh, no, this is what it's like. You wait a half an hour to get called, then you wait again in the room. Like, 80% of having cancer is waiting." (Dying for Sex, S01E02)
  • "Is this your dad? How did such an attractive man produce such a sack of shit like you?"
    "That's not my dad. That's Bill de Blasio." (Dying for Sex, S01E03)
  • "Get me a fucking doctor!"
    "I am a doctor."
    "Then why are you so young? "I don't want this virgin on my cancer journey!" (Dying for Sex, S01E03)
  • "I told them that she was in pain, and it was like they did not even hear me."
    "And you're white. Black women say they're in pain and they give them some red Jell-O. That's why I do this. Pain is political. Pleasure is political." (Dying for Sex, S01E03)
  • "You know, I tried so hard to be positive, but I'm just, like, a naturally fucked-up, negative person, and it's my fault."
    "No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. Cancer doesn't care if you're a positive person. Positive, wonderful, beautiful people die all the time." (Dying for Sex, S01E03)
  • "Don't drink my daughter's pee if you can't handle it, you freak." (Dying for Sex, S01E05)
  • </Dying for Sex, S01>

My friend from Xbox

on

Welcome to C2E2, Emilio Estèvez!

For the first and only time ever, the full main cast of The Breakfast Club is reuniting in Chicago this April to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the film. [source]

How did they land Emilio when MegaCon, which draws twice as many attendees, couldn't?

[Molly Ringwald, Ally Sheedy, Anthony Michael Hall, and Judd Nelson reunited at MegaCon in February.]

Shit, MTV when it was still relevant only managed to reunite three of them.

Those who can, podcast; those who can't, appear at conventions.

[pause]

Previous Fan Expos have booked Dean Cain, Gina Carano, and Randy Quaid, so Fan Expo HQ either doesn't give a fuck or knows its audience.

Heh, it's a Lethal Weapon reunion with Danny Glover to reduce spiciness.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

13. You cannot outrun Blaine (David Blaine: Do Not Attempt, S01E02)

Honourable Mention

  • Reacher vs. Paulie fight (Reacher, S03E08)
  • Shauna goes feral on Melissa (Yellowjackets, S03E08)

Stray Observations

  • "Many young people come here from your country. I think, because, maybe, spiritual malaise. Lost connection with nature, with the family. Lost connection with the spirit. What is left? The self. Identity. Chasing money, pleasure. Yeah? Everyone run from pain towards the pleasure. But when they get there, only to find more pain. You cannot outrun pain." (The White Lotus, S03E06)
  • "One person's fake is another person's, you know, good manners." (The White Lotus, S03E06)
  • "I don't want her thinking she'll be just fine if she's poor. She needs to fear poverty, Tim, like everyone else we know. That way, she'll make good decisions." (The White Lotus, S03E06)
  • "I just don't think…at this age, I'm meant to live an uncomfortable life. I don't have the will. I just don't have it in me. I don't think I ever did. I like my scents. Mmm. I like my velvet. Grass. Tuberose." (The White Lotus, S03E06)
  • "I didn't force him to jerk you off." (The White Lotus, S03E06)
  • "Your hot sorcery piss can't hurt us in here." (The Righteous Gemstones, S04E03)
  • "Are those two acting weird, or is it just me?"
    "Weird? Weird how?"
    "I mean, I did notice they were taking pisses at the same exact time, but I just kind of wrote that off to just typical old people shit." (The Righteous Gemstones, S04E03)
  • "Eye of the tiger, dick of a horse, take no prisoners, show no remorse." (The Righteous Gemstones, S04E03)
  • "You are trying to drink his facial fashions. Trying to fucking guzzle him." (The Righteous Gemstones, S04E03)
  • "I'm, uh, sorry that I called you a slut, Daddy." (The Righteous Gemstones, S04E03)
  • ♫: SebastiAn – "Better Now [Edit]" (Common Side Effects, S01E09)
  • "AT&T's the worst." (Daredevil: Born Again, S01E05)
  • </Mythic Quest, S04>
  • "You want Wes Anderson to direct a fucking Kool-Aid movie? He's gonna think I'm fucking crazy, man. He's gonna fire me over Zoom from Liechtenstein or wherever the fuck he is." (The Studio, S01E01)
  • "Ain't nobody trying to fuck the Kool-Aid Man, dude. Okay? He's doesn't even have an asshole. Pretty sure there's no way to fuck the Kool-Aid Man. Am I wrong?"
    "How would you fuck him?" (The Studio, S01E01)
  • "No, it's Buscemi like 'bruschetta.'" (The Studio, S01E01)
  • "Who the fuck's car is ruining the shot?"
    "Old convertible. Custom plate. 'STD HEAD.'"
    "It's 'studio head,' not STD!" (The Studio, S01E02)
  • "Edamame arms." (Abbott Elementary, S04E19)
  • "Manny, get down! They all read Sun Tzu!" (Dope Thief, S01E04)
  • "Freaky little four-eyed mushroom." (Yellowjackets, S03E08)

Looking forward:

We gotta go ahead and get in at least 10,000

on

Sketch Idea: Severance Family Feud. Innies vs. Outies.

Robert Pattison plays clones in Mickey 17.

Robert De Niro plays rivals in The Alto Knights.

Michael B. Jordan plays twins in Sinners.

Warner Bros. releasing three dual role films in 42 days.

Add Dylan O'Brien playing twins in Twinless, and Theo James playing twins in The Monkey, and that's five dual role films this year.

Rory: Six. Elle Fanning plays twins in Predator: Badlands.

2025 dual role Family Feud.

The Penguin Lessons: The life of disillusioned teacher in Argentina is turned upside-down after he rescues a penguin from an oil-slicked beach.

My Penguin Friend: The life of a heartbroken Brazilian fisherman is transformed after he rescues a penguin from an oil spill.

Family Feud: Actors who worked with penguins vs. Actors who played or voiced The Penguin.

AI Research for the Humanities

on
  • Bruno Mars Found a Way to Get Even Bigger
    The most surprising aspect of Mars's latest career boost is how counterintuitive his approach has been. On "Die With a Smile" and "APT.," we hear less of him than ever.

Idea: Uncut Gems, but it's a pop star desperately trying to pay off gambling debt.

As bridges in pop songs decline, is the future of pop concerts, like, 30-minute-or-less shows?

Headliners performing their entire discography…

Death Becomes Her, based on the classic 1992 film, is a drop-dead hilarious new musical comedy.

George Clooney makes his Broadway debut in Good Night, and Good Luck, an electrifying stage adaptation of the critically acclaimed film.

Smash, inspired by the hit TV show, is finally coming to Broadway!

We don't talk enough about how theatre nowadays mines IP just as much as Hollywood.

The Queen of Versailles reunites celebrated Stephen Schwartz with Kristin Chenoweth as Jackie Siegel.

A musical stage adaptation of a CNBC documentary?

Rory: Been a number of doc adaptions.

Based on the 1997 documentary film of the same name, Hands on a Hardbody garnered three Tony nominations and features a brilliant score from Trey Anastasio.

Based on the award-winning HBO documentary, How to Dance in Ohio is a heart-filled new musical.

Idea: Where Are They Now? for early podcast sponsors: Blue Apron. MeUndies. Stamps.com. That company that sells flowers grown on the side of a volcano.