Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week


48. End Credits (Chainsaw Man, S01E07)


Stray Observations

  • "Uh, but I was just wondering if—if it'd be okay with you if I just hung out with that guy that I met here for a little? He's nice and smart. He went to Stanford and…and he's not non-binary." (The White Lotus, S02E04)
  • "So, you're from America then?"
    "Yes."
    "I've never been."
    "Really?"
    "No, I ain't been to shit."
    "Hm."
    "I'm from Essex, so… Well, I've been to Essex." (The White Lotus, S02E04)
  • "They got him in a cell made outta of sports because it's the opposite of story."
    "Do I want to ask who he is?"
    "His name is Brett Caan. He has the power to make things always have been other things."
    "I think that's called retconning. But his name's Brett Caan? Rhett's a name too, his name could be Rhett Caan."
    "It is. And always has been, now." (Rick and Morty, S06E07)
  • "Meta characters erode reality."
    "But all characters are meta, Rick. All of us are nourished and consumed by chaos, like newborns at the breast of a meth addict in a lifeboat filled with forks." (Rick and Morty, S06E07)
  • "When you get home Rick, do some classic adventures. Like season one."
    "I'm so sick of that fucking note, what the fuck does it even mean?" (Rick and Morty, S06E07)
  • "You can’t beat me, Rick. I have one million times your motivation!"
    "So do those guys with the cell phone kiosks at the mall." (Rick and Morty, S06E07)
  • "Look, we've always given machines the tasks that we can't handle, right? Defuse bombs, reset bowling pins, provide reliable оrgasm." (Avenue 5, S02E07)
  • "Sorry, I'm making bathroom." (Avenue 5, S02E07)
  • "We thrashed Hitler's anus with a brace of eels." (Avenue 5, S02E07)
  • "But just relax and embrace the authentic British smell of abandoned phone boxes and James Corden." (Avenue 5, S02E07)
  • "Did you just tell them their incest children would be plain?" (Avenue 5, S02E07)
  • "Just accept that I am the king of this ship and you are basically my…"
    "If you dare say 'queen,' I will gouge out your tongue with my thumbs."
    "No, I was going to say my jester."
    "Your jester?"
    "Tongues are too slippery to gouge, you silly jester." (Avenue 5, S02E07)
  • "Sadly, I am a midwife only to disaster." (Avenue 5, S02E07)
  • "If I were to call Matt, as I have many times, a dead-eyed masturbat¡ng parakeet, and then apologize for it, 'I'm sorry, Matt,' I get points for that?"
    "No need to apologize. I mean, I…I'm flattered you think I have the vibrancy of a parakeet or the energy to feather my cloaca to completion." (Avenue 5, S02E07)
  • "Apparently, my jokes are offensive. I got complaints from bisexuals, people who don't know the meaning of the word 'monosyllabic,' folks who are allergic to watermelon." (Avenue 5, S02E07)
  • Gabe Kaplan (Welcome to Chippendales, S01E01)
  • "What's going on?"
    "I'll tell you what's fucking going on. Peter fucking Bogdanovich, that's what's going on."
    "I don't know what that means." (Welcome to Chippendales, S01E01)
  • "No way I'm going home. I need some dick, stat." (Welcome to Chippendales, S01E02)
  • Pixellated vomit? (Chainsaw Man, S01E07)
  • "Someone's lying to you."
    "On that, we can agree." (Andor, S01E12)
  • "There will be times when the struggle seems impossible. I know this already. Alone, unsure, dwarfed by the scale of the enemy. Remember this. Freedom is a pure idea. It occurs spontaneously and without instruction. Random acts of insurrection are occurring constantly throughout the galaxy. There are whole armies, battalions that have no idea that they've already enlisted in the cause. Remember that the frontier of the Rebellion is everywhere. And even the smallest act of insurrection pushes our lines forward. And then remember this. The Imperial need for control is so desperate because it is so unnatural. Tyranny requires constant effort. It breaks, it leaks. Authority is brittle. Oppression is the mask of fear. Remember that. And know this, the day will come when all these skirmishes and battles, these moments of defiance will have flooded the banks of the Empire's authority and then there will be one too many. One single thing will break the siege. Remember this. Try." (Andor, S01E12)
  • "Tell him, none of this is his fault. It was already burning. He's just the first spark of the fire. Tell him, he knows everything he needs to know and feels everything he needs to feel. And when the day comes, and those two pull together, he will be an unstoppable force for good. Tell him… I love him more than anything he could ever do wrong." (Andor, S01E12)
  • "There is a wound that won't heal at the center of the galaxy. There is a darkness reaching like rust into everything around us. We let it grow, and now it's here. It's here, and it's not visiting anymore. It wants to stay. The Empire is a disease that thrives in darkness, it is never more alive than when we sleep." (Andor, S01E12)
  • B2EMO overturned, Maarva brick bash (Andor, S01E12)
  • </Andor, S01>
  • "Frankly, with my mother as a role model, it's a miracle I'm not a hooker." (Chucky, S02E08)


(Chucky, S02E08)

  • Voodoo for Dummies (Chucky, S02E08)


(Chucky, S02E08)

  • "Had you seen the suspect before?"
    "Absolutely."
    "It was Jennifer Tilly."
    "Huh. Damn shame. I always thought she was overrated." (Chucky, S02E08)
  • ♪ On the first day of Christmas / My true love gave to me / Liv Morgan killed on live TV ♪ (Chucky, S02E08)
  • </Chucky, S02>
  • Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris using ♫: Smashing Pumpkins – "Tonight, Tonight" (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E03)
  • "This is Rachel Fleishman from Matt Klein's office. I'm calling to set up a…"
    "Toby still felt erectile stirrings hearing his name on the back of hers." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E03)
  • "Rachel simply didn't like us. When it came to our friendship, Rachel was like an organ transplant that didn't take." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E03)
  • "God, you're like the Gestapo."
    "No, I'm, I'm not. That's not really how the Gestapo worked, honey." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E03)
  • "What's her problem?"
    "You're annoying."
    "I didn't do anything!"
    "It's your essence. Nothing you can do." (Mythic Quest, S03E04)
  • "I'm the Poppy Li. The woman who basically single-handedly built MQ?"
    "Oh, yeah, she's the one who eats outta the garbage."
    "Cat lady!"
    "Shut up! I'm not a cat lady." (Mythic Quest, S03E04)
  • "Do you know what I would do if I were a white guy for a day?"
    "You know what I would do if I were a Black woman for the day? Two words."
    "Megan knees."
    "Yeah! I was gonna say Megan knees! How did you know that?" (Mythic Quest, S03E04)
  • "I'm sorry. GoBots killed his cousin." (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)
  • "We got a picture with the God of War." (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)
  • "We are not doing anything wrong. We are just taking the legendary hero Kevin Bacon to give him as a present to a friend who is sad about Christmas." (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)
  • John Cena is canon in the MCU (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)
  • "But actors are repugnant!" (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)
  • Batman is canon in the MCU (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)
  • "It's Kevin Bacon. He's not a loser. He's great. We don't hate him at all." (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)
  • "I'm gonna let you go, Kevin Bacon. Don't run. You're not gonna run?"
    "No, no. No, no, no."
    "Go get Kevin Bacon."
    "I've got it."
    "Don't, don't kill him…"
    "You can't outrun me, Bacon!" (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)
  • Rocket getting Bucky's arm (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)
  • "Wow, I guess all actors aren't complete pieces of shit." (The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special)

Today I feel disabled

A re-make?

No, a re-imagining.

Who asked for this?

From Universal's direct-to-video arm.

2014: Jarhead 2
2015: The Man with the Iron Fists 2
2016: Kindergarten Cop 2
2016: Hard Target 2
2017: Big Fat Liar 2
2017: Cop and a Half 2
2018: Tales from the Hood 2
2019: The Benchwarmers 2
2019: How High 2
2019: Backdraft 2
2019: Inside Man 2
2019: Undercover Brother 2
2020: Bulletproof 2
2020: Sudden Death 2
2022: 47 Ronin 2
2022: R.I.P.D. 2

Leave no I.P. unmilked.

"We are excited to announce a thrilling new The River Wild story, with fresh characters and a story that brings the universe to new audiences." [source]

The universe of perilous whitewater rafting trips?

Aside: When was the last time you heard about anyone going whitewater rafting?

Blake Lively in The Shallows.
Chace Crawford is The Deep.
Leighton Meester in The River Wild.
Ed Westwick in upcoming underwater thriller Deep Fear


Who asked for this?

Martin Sensmeier will star and reprise his role as Chip Hanson.

And without Jeremy Renner or Elizabeth Olsen?

Patrick Massett and John Zinman penned the sequel screenplay.

Or Taylor Sheridan?!

Patrick Massett and John Zinman…are executive producers of Sword Art Online.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

47. Final Destination (Chucky, S02E07)


Honourable Mention

  • Fondor Escape (Andor, S01E11)

Stray Observations

  • "Men love The Godfather because they feel emasculated by modern society. It's a fantasy about a time when they could go out and solve all their problems with violence and sleep with every woman and then come home to their wife who doesn't ask them any questions and makes them pasta."
    "Hey, hey, hey. It's a normal male fantasy."
    "No, movies like that socialize men into having that fantasy."
    "Movies like that exist because men already do have that fantasy. We're hard-wired."
    "Mm. Comes with the testosterone."
    "No. Gender is a construct. It's created." (The White Lotus, S02E03)
  • "If Ryan is king, I'm Oliver Cromwell, right? If he's Gladstone, I'm Disraeli. If he's A.S. Byatt, I'm Margaret Drabble!"
    "Compare things we know!"
    "Eh, never been a big sports fan."
    "Well, they're not sports stars. They're sister novelists who feuded like rappers."
    "I'm still without a frame of reference." (Avenue 5, S02E06)
  • "How do you get hurt in a club exclusively devoted to cuddling?"
    "You told people to deal with him, so he got violently compressed."
    "Well, just find the culprits and have a word with them. Uh, no, that sounds like code for violence too. All right, well, I better go and pay Matt a special visit. Hey, I've done it again. I've got mafia Tourette's." (Avenue 5, S02E06)
  • "She was killed by a fatal floor." (Avenue 5, S02E06)
  • "See, this is how it goes with autocracies. It starts out, and it's all caviar and wiping your ass on a swan's neck, and then pretty soon, you're perforating dissidents." (Avenue 5, S02E06)
  • "Did Judd pay you to do this?"
    "No, I thought I'd wear an outfit that you'd like to get me out of as quickly as possible."
    "Ugh."
    "And I have no imagination, so I copied her." (Avenue 5, S02E06)
  • "What just happened?"
    "I believe the old industry term is a 'reverse Soprano.' They're all definitely dead." (Avenue 5, S02E06)
  • "What have you done lately?"
    "I don't have lately. I have always. I have a constant blur of plates spinning and knives on the floor, and needy, panicked faces at the window, of which you are but one of many." (Andor, S01E11)
  • "The mystery of your former triumphs have been vanquished. I can sleep peacefully now." (Andor, S01E11)
  • Syril stealing money from his mother (Andor, S01E11)
  • "How many do you think made it? How many of us made it out alive?"
    "Not enough." (Andor, S01E11)
  • "Well, I love the holidays, and this year Barbara Howard's Little Helpers will be making the most adorable handprint Christmas trees."
    "And my kids will be doing hand turkey art, and I'll be recycling it to soak up all the snow that gets through the cracks in the windows."
    "Children's hands really seem to carry the holidays." (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
  • "Ms. Howard."
    "Yes?"
    "What's S-L…"
    "It is, uh…the Saint Louis University of Technology." (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
  • "This one's just an egg." (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
  • "You may want to have that children checked out for salmonella." (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
  • "I believe that gluten intolerance is just internalized white guilt." (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
  • "The parent of one of my students has a very unsavory marking across her bosom."
    "The mom with the 'bitch' tattoo?"
    "Loved that book. Movie was meh." (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
  • "How could anyone find this tata tattoo hot?" (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
  • "Chinese people hate my tattoos." (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
  • "You can never upset a professional bitch like myself." (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
  • Ava adding sugar to her coffee (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
  • "Forever Bitch apparel" (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
  • "Not Ralph Jr.!" (Abbott Elementary, S02E08)
  • R.I.P. Jennifer Tilly (Chucky, S02E07)


(Chucky, S02E07)

  • "I would never be left to rot like this. There are people who love me."
    It's one thing to be celebrated, Sam. It's another thing entirely to be loved." (American Horror Story, S11E09)
  • </American Horror Story, S11>
  • "Listen, it's been a hard month. I just need some me time."
    "I-I ha… All of your time is you time, Rachel."
    "These days, he only ever said her name at the end of sentences." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E01)
  • "She's a drunk."
    "Phillip.
    "I'm sorry. Alcoholic. A person with alcoholism. An alcoholic-American." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E01)
  • Adam Brody playing a character named Seth (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E01)
  • "It was best not to think about the block universe. Toby didn't want to think about any theory of life in which the thing you were dealing with was an absolute reality. He couldn't bear the scope of regret and missed chances and alternate choices. He didn't want to think about possibility anymore. Possibility was a trap." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E02)
  • "Look at that sunset. It's so pretty, isn't it? You know, but you have to remember, sunsets are also problematic, you know, because they're only for the wealthy. In cities, there are tall buildings so you can't see it. You know, you got to come to a place like this just to catch a glimpse of what would be one of the true, free pleasures in life, you know?" (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E02)
  • "Can you believe he's the nominee? It's hilarious."
    "Well, at least she'll win, right?"
    "Well, I don't know that she'll win. I don't like her that much, but at least with him, we can keep our money, you know? Also, her voice, drives Rich crazy." (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E02)
  • Lizzy Caplan in a Ween shirt (Fleishman Is in Trouble, S01E02)
  • "Slice, slice, baby. Slice, slice. Dun-dun dun how the rest of the song goes." (Mythic Quest, S03E03)
  • "♪ Every morning there's a halo. ♪" (Mythic Quest, S03E03)

Countless Blacks

In 2019, Fox News' streaming service Fox Nation launched an awards show for regular people called The Patriot Awards, honoring people in categories like the Most Valuable Patriot Award and the [Back the Blue] Award.

For the first time they are offering upsells, giving fans a chance to buy tickets to live broadcasts of shows hosted by Tucker Carlson, Greg Gutfeld, The Five and others.

Fox is planning book signings, meet and greets, podcast recordings and merchandise sales (including Fox News "ugly Christmas sweaters").

It's a strategy that is also appealing to advertisers and sponsors, who are a critical piece of any live event puzzle.

BravoCon, for example, held its last event last month, and had 19 sponsors, with some, like Bud Light Seltzer and Lay's, integrating their products into the event itself.

Fox Nation's Patriot Awards has lined up the restaurant chain Golden Corral.

Unsuspecting tyrant double-decker beef fort

feature film special: FANTASY FOOTBALL (PARAMOUNT+)
Premieres Friday, November 25

Everything changes when Callie A. Coleman discovers she can magically control her father Bobby's performance on the football field.

When Callie plays as her dad, a running back for the Atlanta Falcons, in Madden NFL 23, Bobby is transformed from a fumblitis-plagued journeyman to a star running back bound for superstardom.

With the NFL Playoffs looming and the pressures of Callie's new commitment to her friends on the robotics team mounting, the two must forge ahead to keep the magic a secret.

The Falcons are up 28-3 in the Super Bowl when Callie is called away by the robotics team.

Alas, it's a Paramount/CBS film, so no Cleatus integration.


SHAQ (HBO)
Premieres Wednesday, November 23

More Lakers-related 2022 programming?!


DEATH IN THE DORMS (HULU)
Premieres Monday, November 21

These are the stories of the kind of danger that no college student is ever prepared for: a life cut short just when it was getting started, not by accident but by foul play.

Each procedural episode of Death in the Dorms will examine a different murder of a college student in the U.S.

[pause]

Tonight: When a shower drain overflows with semen…

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

46. Rael Talk (Andor, S01E10)


Honourable Mention


Stray Observations

  • "They'll be coming and going. You see, they're locals. They're my local friends."
    "Oh. They come and go. I see." (The White Lotus, S02E02)
  • "Guess who I am?"
    "Uh…"
    "Watch, watch."
    "Peppa Pig." (The White Lotus, S02E02)
  • "Very sexy. Brava. Brava, Monica." (The White Lotus, S02E02)
  • "'Passengers' contains the word 'ass' 'cause that's how they see us. Well, not anymore. I see people with two eyes. You know what else has two I's? 'Citizens.'"
    "He means the spelling!"
    "All right, opaque wordplay! Never a bad time for it."
    "You know what else has two I's? Whiskey on the rocks." (Avenue 5, S02E05)
  • "Oh my God, will they be tortured?"
    "No. They'll just be held in the same room. So, yes." (Avenue 5, S02E05)
  • "People, the system isn't working. There's too many I's in the citizens' assembly."
    "Oh, he means the spelling, but also the number of people." (Avenue 5, S02E05)
  • "And I will be your Jesus. But without the abdominal strength." (Avenue 5, S02E05)
  • "I'm not cut out for this. I'm just a patent attorney."
    "Oh, come now. There's no such thing as 'just' a patent attorney." (Avenue 5, S02E05)
  • "Power doesn't panic." (Andor, S01E10)
  • "I'd rather die trying to take them down than die giving them what they want." (Andor, S01E10)
  • "One of the indulgences of great wealth is freedom from other people's opinions." (Andor, S01E10)
  • "It's a lot to think about."
    "I'm not thinking about it."
    "That's the first untrue thing you've said." (Andor, S01E10)
  • Chucky eating Andy (Chucky, S02E06)
  • "Maybe I teach you Egyptian Ratscrew." (American Horror Story, S11E08)
  • "Don't brown your whites, Henry." (American Horror Story, S11E08)
  • "It smell like the manager mean as hell." (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "This guy Demarcus studied under real sushi masters in Japan." (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "I've got a prescription for Eze. It's spelled E-Z-E, like easy, I mean, not like Eazy-E, but E-Z…E?" (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "Sorry, I'm just running late for my float sesh."
    "Uh… I-I'm sorry, I overheard what you were saying. Were you talking about a sensory deprivation session or shitting?" (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "We used to be a book club. Now, we call ourselves the flo-teps." (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "I had to stop going because I got too deep into it. The visions in the tank can be so intense. I started to lose track of what was real."
    "Yes. I… I-I sometimes get into it too much. When-when that happens, though, I found a little trick to help anchor myself."
    "What is that?"
    "A thick Judge Judy."
    "Wait, wait a minute. What in the hell are you saying?"
    "Thick Judge Judy. Yeah."
    "Like, thick thighs and tіts?"
    "Yes, and booty, really, you know, doesn't matter which body part you use, but, uh, the idea is, Judge Judy is always on TV, right? So if I see her and she's thick, I know I'm in the tank." (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • Random towels (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "Sup!" irasshaimase (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "I'm sorry, this my mama car."
    "Your mother drives a murdered out Nissan Altima?" (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "Step out of the vehicle, ma'am."
    "Act white, just…" (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "Step over to the curb for me, please. Walk a straight line. Arms out wide. Touch the tip of your nose with your forefinger. How many seasons of Homeboys in Outer Space were there?" (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "Could I interest you on a refill of, uh, hot white Hennessy?" (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • Kevin Iso (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • A black-owned sushi restaurant playing Asian-sounding rap music (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "Not one person ate the blowfish. Not one. Just a bunch of Yelp reviews that all said the same thing: 'This nigga serving poison fish.'" (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "This entire dinner, you have been staring across the street at a modern day Coon Chicken, served to you by an Aunt Jemima, who lies to you repeatedly, telling you it is her recipe and that she is benefiting from it. It is not her recipe. You know who owns that recipe? An Italian man and his family, none of which have married Black. I heard some of them even moved from New Orleans to New Jersey. New…Jersey." (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "Look outside. That's the future. That's our future. Salted and battered. Being sold back to us in our own image." (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • "Food tastes better when you think you're about to die." (Atlanta, S04E10)
  • </Atlanta, S04>
  • "I still have it somewhere, if you'd like me to quote verbatim. Off the top of my head, without immediate recourse to the text: 'If you ever fuck¡ng speak to me again, I will scratch your eyes out, you selfish, conniving b¡tch.'"
    "It was 'cunt,' I believe."
    "'Bitch,' I'm quite certain."
    "Well, it seems like I would've gone with the alliteration of 'conniving cunt.'" (The Peripheral, S01E05)
  • "I told them to 'suck my duck,' which obviously isn't what I meant, but autocorrect boned me." (Mythic Quest, S03E01)
  • "'Some time ago I was given a rather unfortunate prognosis, and I decided to script the conclusion of my own story. In a moment, I shall climb into a Ford Thunderbird and drive off into the Grand Canyon, knowing I ended my story like no other. A true original.'" (Mythic Quest, S03E01)

There is no vape in team

Rock isn't dead; it just ossified.

Modern rock in 2022 is mostly modern rock in 2012.

Who played the previous festivals?

Almost Acoustic Christmas 2018: Death Cab for Cutie, Chvrches, The Interrupters…
Almost Acoustic Christmas 2019: The Interrupters, Jimmy Eat World, Twenty One Pilots…
ALTer Ego 2020: Coldplay, The Black Keys…
ALTer Ego 2022: Coldplay, Twenty One Pilots, Imagine Dragons, Måneskin…

Half of the ALTer Ego 2023 line-up has headlined Coachella.

Antifa Caramel

Targeted streaming ads amuse me.

While watching Reservation Dogs in August, Hulu served me election ads for sports gambling propositions that featured and were paid for by California Indian tribes. Once season three of Reservation Dogs ended, however, I never saw said ads again. They were replaced by election ads for, like, dialysis and affordable housing.

While watching a particularly gay season of American Horror Story in October, Hulu served me ads for HIV medication and HIV testing. Moreover, immediately following a scene involving a dog, Hulu, out of nowhere, served me an ad for Chewy. It had previously not appeared in the AHS: NYC ad rotation.