Antidepressant Thursdays

// Toronto, Ontario, Canada

How do you do, fellow marts?

Toronto has a 24-hour Popeyes, but not a seven-day public transit pass.

Also, what do you mean the subway doesn't begin running until 8:00am on Sundays?!

Cannabis shops and notices of proposed development are absurdly ubiquitous here. In 10 years, Toronto will just be condos and dispensaries.

"As you get high, we encourage you to reflect on the land that you are on. These luxury condos are located on the Treaty Lands and Territory of the Mississaugas of the Credit and the traditional territory of the Anishinaabe, the Wendat, and the Haudenosaunee."

Zack Panther

// Toronto, Ontario, Canada

It's early afternoon on the second day of the 2022 Toronto International Film Festival. I'm at the Hyatt Regency Toronto, where TIFF's Press and Industry Centre is, pooping.

Someone enters the toilet stall beside mine.

What is that noise?

I hear what sounds like—

Is he… Is he masturbating?

I notice a shadow of his right arm.

Oh, he's definitely masturbating.

He knows I can hear him, right? Because he could definitely hear me…

After he softly orgasms, I see his bare right foot, then said right foot in a light blue sneaker.

Was he naked? Or did he… Did he ejaculate in that shoe?


So: Press or industry?

It's early afternoon on the second day of the 2022 Toronto International Film Festival. I'm at the TIFF Bell Lightbox to see a film.

I go to pee before the screening begins.

Which washroom is…?

Nope, that's the women's washroom…

I notice a sign.

TIFF is committed to maintaining an inclusive environment for all of our visitors.

To solidify this commitment, TIFF Bell Lightbox washrooms are now only labeled by the facilities available in each room.

Please continue to use the washroom that is most appropriate for your needs.

Left: Handicap-accessible, stalls, urinals, sinks.

Right: Handicap-accessible, stalls, sinks, baby change table.

Dare the mystery masturbator use the right washroom?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

37. Michael Sheen's rousing speech to Wales' football team (A League of Their Own, S17E04)

Stray Observations

  • "And how have you served the realm of late, Lady Redwyne, by eating cake?" (House of the Dragon, S01E03)
  • "What role have you played in his council, uncle, other than Master of Complaints?" (House of the Dragon, S01E03)
  • "Nobody quits Twitter." (Rick and Morty, S06E01)
  • "This is how we go. Bear it with grace. Spinal cord: Robitussin as a base, then surprise me." (Rick and Morty, S06E01)
  • "You think the concept of 'family' matters to me? I'm not even your Rick!"
    "I'm Denial Rick!" (Rick and Morty, S06E01)
  • "Fatality… Jerry wins!" (Rick and Morty, S06E01)
  • "But tell me, Mahatma, when was the first time you tried Blue Apron?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E10)
  • </What We Do in the Shadows, S04>
  • Marc Maron (Reservation Dogs, S02E07)
  • "I just lost my mind. I literally lost my mind. And I chased those midgets out of my house." (Reservation Dogs, S02E07)
  • "What kind of dude hangs out with underage boys all day and night? 'Billie Jean'-ass dude, K-PAX, House of Cards-looking ass, God." (Reservation Dogs, S02E07)
  • "And what is your name, young lady?"
    "Madisynn, with two N's, one Y, but it's not where you think." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E04)
  • Wong watching The Sopranos (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E04)
  • "I'm having an issue with a 'magician.' Notice how I used the word 'magician' in quotes."
    "I did, yes."
    "It's because he's not an actual magician." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E04)
  • "He's now performing cheap human tricks here in Los Angeles at the 'Mystic Castle.' Notice how I…"
    "Not mystic. Not a castle. Got it." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E04)
  • Wong watching This Is Us (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E04)
  • Wong's favourite drink is a gin and tonic (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E04)
  • "Teens, right? Oh, right. You died when I was eight." (Harley Quinn, S03E09)
  • "Extra reading tonight. On Julius and Ethel Rosenberg. Dissect the Rosenbergs' timeline and see how it lines up with the show The Americans." (Little Demon, S01E04)
  • "So what's the plan? Do I pull Chrissy aside and we do a heart-to-heart about how, popular or not, true friends will—"
    "No, no. Get up on stage and read this speech I wrote."
    "'Friends, as the new popular kid, I must warn you about the scourge that is Chrissy Feinberg. Her impression of Charles Barkley is the most racist thing I've ever seen'? Wait, wait, no. You want to cancel your own daughter?" (Little Demon, S01E04)
  • "Armadillo murderer!"
    "Not cool!"
    "Wait, no, no, no. I can explain. That armadillo did a Charles Barkley impression, and it's the most racist thing I've ever seen." (Little Demon, S01E04)

Lunatic Country Music Person

The most-viewed post was a 2018 clip from Family Feud about a 69 joke, which had 53.2 million views.

…This is not who we are?

It's like how Orange Chicken always wins "Best Overall Product" at Trader Joe's Customer Choice Awards.

Premieres Saturday, September 17

Follows a group of young sentient super-powered vehicles as they defend Gotham City alongside Batman, Robin, and Batgirl.

Notable for being DC's first-ever animated Batman preschool series.

Premieres Wednesday, September 21

Follows a group of friends who are the children of first responders who work and play with talking vehicles to help their community.

Where are the animated shows about kid pedestrians and anthropomorphic bicycles and scooters?

The series "will center on a shy quarterback with a secret power — a magic arm — who leads a team of unlikely players from all backgrounds through heroic adventures."

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

36. Sofia Coppola (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E09)

Honourable Mention

  • She-Hulk twerking with Megan Thee Stallion (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • Reina Reign video (Rap Sh!t, S01E08)

Stray Observations

  • Re-using Game of Thrones' theme music? (House of the Dragon, S01E02)
  • Crabs and human flesh (House of the Dragon, S01E02)
  • Maggots and human flesh (House of the Dragon, S01E02)
  • "Your Grace, it would be a great honor to join our houses as they were in Old Valyria. I would give you many children of pure Valyrian blood so that we might strengthen the royal line and the realm."
    "Is that what your father told you to say? What did your mother tell you?"
    "That I wouldn't have to bed you until I turned 14." (House of the Dragon, S01E02)
  • "We are the realm's second sons, Daemon. Our worth is not given. It must be made." (House of the Dragon, S01E02)
  • "It's how all the best vampire acts started. Gloria Estefang. Bloody Holly. Bat Stevens. Batboy Slim. Hall and Throats. Tame Impaler. The Undead Kennedys." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E09)
  • "Fuck them kids." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E09)
  • "'The clown who can suck himself off.'"
    "I put a little comedy into it as well." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E09)
  • "Hey, Sofia, so it turns out it's just some guy sucking his own dick." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E09)
  • "Impaler Swift. Bruno Scars. Lindsey Suckingham. And that's not even mentioning the wraith acts. Bonnie Wraith. Wraith Hill. Wraith Evans. Billy Wraith Cyrus. Wraith No More. Wraith Charles." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E09)
  • Amber Midthunder (Reservation Dogs, S02E06)
  • "But before we get started today, I want to take a moment to acknowledge the traditional caretakers of this land, the Caddo, the Osage, and the Muscogee, of course. But before them were our Neanderthal relatives, so acknowledge them. And before that, even, the Dinosaur Nation, Dinosaur Oyate, you know? Before that, the Star People."
    "Mm." (Reservation Dogs, S02E06)
  • "Follow me at Augusto Fire Keeper exclamation point."
    "And me at MissM8tri@rch. That's @M-A-8…riarch. The other spelling was taken." (Reservation Dogs, S02E06)
  • Wong's LinkedIn page: "Target Sales Associate" (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • "I have no problem with female heroes. Just saying make your own." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • "I can't talk to a 10 about embarrassing man stuff." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • "Hey, man. I think somebody towed my Cybertruck." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • "'Wong'" (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • "Now the library is more than just a quiet place to shiv someone."
    "Instead of toilet wine, prisoners make toilet kombucha." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • "Have you ever heard of a kumite?"
    "Mm-mmm." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • "Thor's inspirational speeches are not admissible in court." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • "I will kill for you, Megan Thee Stallion." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E03)
  • Frasier titled card (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • "I don't trust clowns with secrets."
    "I am barely clown-themed anymore, I just think I look hot like this." (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • "Why do we fall down, Master Bruce?"
    "To pick ourselves up?"
    "Yes. That's what I was going to say." (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • "We can CGI the moustache in post." (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • "Put me down for the fish."
    "You're not supposed to order the fish. They just put it on the menu to not seem cheap." (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • Robin wears a thong (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • "That night, Father wanted me to attend a shareholders meeting, but I begged he take us to the movies, The Mark of Zorro."
    "To think all this trauma from an Antonio Banderas film."
    "No, that's the '90s one, I'm talking about the black and white…it doesn't matter." (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • "Wayne hired those fucking latchkey Bat-kids to do his dirty work." (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • Zombies? (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • Plants vs. zombies! (Harley Quinn, S03E08)
  • ""My pussy taste like beans and greens from your mama house." (Rap Sh!t, S01E08)
  • ♫: City Girls – "You Tried It" (Rap Sh!t, S01E08)
  • "That eye shadow is giving me '90s diva, bitch. It's "Killing Me Softly,"" sis! It's "Unpretty," sis!" (Rap Sh!t, S01E08)
  • "You gonna cancel Drink Champs?" (Rap Sh!t, S01E08)
  • "You better suck his soul, bitch."
    "Full-out washing machine, bitch."
    "That nigga deserve lockjaw, bitch." (Rap Sh!t, S01E08)
  • </Rap Sh!t, S01>
  • "Had a bit of a thrill in here, Trewsday last. Bit of a row over a girl. His eye was lazy, hers overactive" (The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power, S01E01)
  • "After my first marriage ended, I was terrified to get back out there, leave the house. I'd make up excuses: 'Gotta fix a leaky pipe.' 'I have syphilis.'" (Little Demon, S01E03)
  • "Get your Choochie tchotchkes." (Little Demon, S01E03)
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger (Little Demon, S01E03)
  • "What do you want more than anything in all the realms?"
    "We wanna fuck a corpse!"
    "I can't hear you!" (Little Demon, S01E03)
  • "Don't forget to rip your bartender." (Little Demon, S01E03)
  • "Shit just got real…ID." (Little Demon, S01E03)

Conversations held with a fetus

And the nominees for Weirdest Accent of the Summer are:

• Tom Hanks – Elvis
• Russell Crowe – Thor: Love and Thunder
• Brian Tyree Henry – Bullet Train
• Sonoya Mizuno – House of the Dragon

And the nominees for Cameo of the Summer are:

• Liam Neeson – Atlanta
• Charlize Theron – Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness
• Liam Neeson – Obi-Wan Kenobi
• Charlize Theron – The Boys

And the nominees for Gnarliest Birth Sequence of the Summer are:

This Is Going to Hurt
House of the Dragon

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

35. HuntiNFTon Beach (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E03)

Honourable Mention

  • Small Dong Art Show (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E04)

Stray Observations

  • "You cannot just kill white people anymore, bro. We aren't there yet." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E10)
  • "Alexa, play Africa."
    [Africa music playing] (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E10)
  • "Spilling milk is a mistake, not being a drug mule."
    "Man, drug mule? More like a drug veal." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E10)
  • "Your baby hairs can't save you. Your titties can't save you. Your hairline can't save you, nigga. The waves can't save you." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E10)
  • "What the fuck? Is that her daughter?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E10)
  • "Thank you, sweetie, thank… Are you, are you okay? Are you sure?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E10)
  • "I knew she was white. Look at them. He about to call his slave." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E10)
  • "Got it, got it."
    [alarm stops]
    "9-8-7-0. Latrell Sprewell's birthday." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E10)
  • </Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02>
  • "The gods have yet to make a man who lacks the patience for absolute power." (House of the Dragon, S01E01)
  • Viserys cutting himself on the Iron Throne (House of the Dragon, S01E01)
  • "I will not be the one-hit wonder of true crime podcasts, Poppy. I won't. I will not be…podcast Nickelback." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E10)
  • </Only Murders in the Building, S02>
  • "It might be made out of witch skin and has an asshole on it, but I look fantastic wearing it." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E08)
  • "Yeah, I'm an expert at landscaping. Meanwhile, my brother likes to spend his time manscaping. Boom!"
    "I don't know what that means, but fuck Toby, right?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E08)
  • "Uh, check out this bar. What? This is an entertainer's dream. Nandor, I want you to picture this right now, okay? The guys are over. They're hanging out."
    "Okay, I am picturing it."
    "I could be over here at the bar counter. And then one of the guys would come right behind me and then [grunting]"
    "Yeah, mm-hmm."
    "We could put a little skylight in the floor there, and look through it and see Guillermo on the toilet." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E08)

(What We Do in the Shadows, S04E08)

  • "Did I create, pitch, sell, and produce 150 episodes of Go Flip Yourself for the sole purpose of regaining access to your home here in New York City that I might take what is rightfully mine, this witch's clit of a hat? Yes." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E08)
  • "The wickedly talented Adele Dazeem." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E08)
  • "There's nothing wrong with the hat, Elvis!" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E08)
  • "Eyes down, ladies. Seminoles can impregnate you with a single stare." (Reservation Dogs, S02E05)
  • "There's a hot chick over there. I'm gonna go talk to it." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E02)

» Wolverine, Tiamut (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E02)

  • Emil Blonsky wearing Crocs (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E02)
  • "That fight was so many years ago, I'm a completely different person now." (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E02)

(She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, S01E02)

  • "I had to be the good son, the one who followed the rules, the one dealing with those diapers, ugh! And you know we all just shit in the water. So if you got to wear a diaper down here, you know things are messed up." (Harley Quinn, S03E07)
  • "We'll always have those memories."
    "Sharks don't get Alzheimer's, baby!"
    "I mean, that's actually the only thing they got right in Deep Blue Sea. I don't get why they deviated so much from the novel." (Harley Quinn, S03E07)
  • ♫: B-Bee – "1, 2, 3, 4" (Rap Sh!t, S01E07)
  • ♫: Big Boss Vette – "Make Em Mad" (Rap Sh!t, S01E07)
  • "It's Hennessy White, though. It might not stain." (Rap Sh!t, S01E07)
  • "And Danny DeVito as Satan" (Little Demon, S01E01)
  • "You got your period and made that hole in the sky, and now your dad knows where to find you, so we got to go." (Little Demon, S01E01)
  • "And your vagina just became a homing device for the Prince of Darkness." (Little Demon, S01E01)
  • "They say do what you love. And I love nothing more than cutting out the heart of an adolescent girl for monetary gain." (Little Demon, S01E01)
  • "What's your name, by the way?"
    "Course she named you that." (Little Demon, S01E01)
  • "Your magic jizz ruined my life." (Little Demon, S01E01)
  • "Wait a minute, when we dated, were you inside someone's corpse?"
    "And you had an unfinished dolphin tattoo. Don't be a snob." (Little Demon, S01E01)
  • "I will get my revenge. You shall pay! Has anyone seen the tip of my dick?" (Little Demon, S01E01)
  • "What is middle school but Sisyphus pretending to love the boulder? See you at the bottom of the hill tomorrow, new girl."
    "That was so deep."
    "My sister had Sisyphus." (Little Demon, S01E01)
  • "You'll be a soulless shell of a human and become—honestly, like, a successful CEO in all likelihood." (Little Demon, S01E02)
  • "Don't suppress. Be more conscious of your choices. Maybe use your powers to do some good."
    "I just wanted to make the mailman fart!" (Little Demon, S01E02)
  • "Hey, let's beat him up."
    "Beat him up!"
    "Down with the mayor!"
    "I'm naked." (Little Demon, S01E02)
  • "Chrissy? Chrissy? Is that you? Oh, fuck you." (Little Demon, S01E02)
  • "How's it feel? Not bad, huh?"
    "I feel a little like Beyoncé, but also a little incontinent." (Little Demon, S01E02)
  • "We don't want Ass-Clown to miss out." (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E02)
  • "We clean the crap out of them. There's pretty much no sign of orifice." (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E02)
  • "There's no other place on Earth where you can bang a seal and not be shunned." (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E03)
  • "JT did a mangina tourist photo shot." (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E04)
  • "Who's hyped on non-operational vehicles?" (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E04)
  • "Mr. Peanut." (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E04)

(Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E04)

  • "I'm gonna get my credit card info from my mom real quick, and then I'll..I'll pay for it." (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E06)
  • "Fuck Caesar salad!" (Chad and JT Go Deep, S01E06)
  • </Chad and JT Go Deep, S01>
  • "Want me to wear a hijab? Is that what this is about?"
    "I mean, a hijab is optional. What about cutting out pork first?"
    "No pastor?"
    "Or work on your titty cleavage? What, you were just complaining about butt cleavage. Titty cleavage. Titty cleav—okay! Why don't you start with the basic Muslim package first?" (Mo, S01E01)
  • "God, my lower back is killing me."
    "Same here. Until I switched over to Yeezys." (Mo, S01E01)
  • Toby Nwigwe (Mo, S01E01)
  • ♫: Bun B – "Rudeboi [feat. Lil Wayne]" (Mo, S01E01)
  • "Would you like to try some chocolate hummus?"
    "The fuck you just say to me? That's not hummus. That's a damn shit emoji." (Mo, S01E01)
  • "You know, where I come from, olive theft is a huge problem, too."
    "Yeah? Where's that?"
    "Damn. That's a couple hours away."
    "No, not Palestine, Texas. Palestine. You know, land of milk and honey."
    "Uh, Israel, Manny, Israel."
    "Oh. Shalom."
    "Yeah, it's a real branding issue." (Mo, S01E02)
  • "What you doing down there?"
    "ICE, man. They catch us, we're fuckеd."
    "You talking about Earl and Gene? They come every week trying to get their dicks sucked. They ain't here for you. Check it. Earl! Take your jacket off! You're scaring motherfuckers in here. What's wrong with you, man?"
    "Can you get your dick sucked here?"
    "Stop being a bitch." (Mo, S01E02)
  • Bun B (Mo, S01E03)
  • "How's that reggae band going, Greg?"
    "We play the blues. And it's Glen."
    "Oh, you do? I wasn't sure on which appropriation it was." (Mo, S01E04)
  • "Pendeja, keep your fuckin' money. Find another minority to donate to."
    "What? Bitch, I'm Indian!"
    "You haven't been Indian since 2009."
    "You're the most Indian person I know, babe." (Mo, S01E04)
  • "Imagine the life we could have together."
    "A life with kids."
    "Of course, you're Mexican, I'm Palestinian, it's biologically impossible not to have at least six kids." (Mo, S01E04)
  • "Wait, if we get married our first son is gonna be named Adam?"
    "What's wrong with Adam?"
    "Nothing wrong. It's a beloved name. It's an amazing name. It's just what American Arabs call their kids when they want to sell out." (Mo, S01E05)
  • "Corn tortillas need to go, though. Honestly, they're rubbery and horrible. God bless them, but they gotta be super fresh." (Mo, S01E05)
  • Nephew Osama (Mo, S01E05)
  • "Stop apologizing. You're not in Ottawa." (Mo, S01E05)
  • "What's going on, habibi?"
    "I don't know. Just off today."
    "That's the Canadian in you. All right, you're Palestinian. If there's one thing you can do, you can throw things accurately. All right, imagine there's a tank coming at you, and there's a little guy driving the tank from a distance. You want to throw that right at him." (Mo, S01E05)
  • "Listen, I don't wanna hear this from…failed skateboarder." (Mo, S01E05)
  • "Bro, bro, man, you forget you're Black, man. Chill, man. Don't move, bro. They will kill you. You will die for sure. Me or him, maybe, you know?" (Mo, S01E06)
  • Paul Wall (Mo, S01E07)
  • "When has screaming in Arabic ever calmed anybody down?" (Mo, S01E08)
  • "Good things come in threes. Come on, the Trinity, wise men, Destiny's Child, the Michelle version." (Mo, S01E08)
  • </Mo, S01>