They gave me a hate name

How has no one yet invented a Halloween candy ATM to combat an absentee "take one" bowl being cleaned out?

A portable ATM that dispenses one piece of candy at a time and can identify abusers via camera.

Halloween Prank Idea: A trick-or-treater enters a Starbucks and cleans out all the mobile orders waiting to be picked up.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

45. R and DD (First Things First, 31 Oct 2023)

Stray Observations

  • "I'm sorry you lost a finger, but that's the price of surprise butt play." (Rick and Morty, S07E03)
  • "Wait. You're a writer?"
    "Yes. Science fiction."
    "I'm doomed." (Loki, S02E05)
  • "With science, it's all what and how. But with fiction, it's why." (Loki, S02E05)
  • "I'm missing a farm to table fuckfest at Ina and Jeffrey's to be at this board meeting." (Gen V, S01E08)
  • </Gen V, S01>
  • "Someday, you too will die."
    "Sure, but you should have died at birth." (Invincible, S02E01)
  • "I won't build my utopia with blood." (Invincible, S02E01)
  • "No one makes a better blade than your people. No one invents better ways to kill people than mine. A gun will never be as beautiful as a sword. But with a gun, you can take any sword you want." (Blue Eye Samurai, S01E06)
  • "No one murders so well as the British. It's our number one export." (Blue Eye Samurai, S01E06)
  • "My dear, your meal was prepared especially for you. Rabbit liver in a velouté of horse semen. Chilled fox brain for wisdom. A pottage from fetal pig's blood." (Blue Eye Samurai, S01E07)
  • "In the matter of the death of civilizations, it comes down to technology. We invented worse first." (Blue Eye Samurai, S01E08)
  • "Honor is meaningless. Nothing comes from being a samurai but death." (Blue Eye Samurai, S01E08)
  • </Blue Eye Samurai, S01>

Vaping Groping Lauren Boebert

Some Biden aides have long noted that he eats "like a child," with a food palette that skews beige.

His favorite dishes include peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, BLT's, pizza, cookies, spaghetti with butter and red sauce, and ice cream that he occasionally makes into a full sundae, according to current and former Biden aides.

On Friday while visiting D.C.'s Taqueria Habanero, Biden ordered churros and a chicken quesadilla.

A teetotaler, he often drinks orange Gatorade. [source]

Imagine becoming the head chef at the White House and having to serve McDonald's and well-done steak with ketchup to Trump, and buttered noodles and orange Gatorade to Biden.

2024: No films, no television shows, and Trump being re-elected.

Tuna that passes the vibe check

Beast of War
WWII. With sharks. Cornerstone's latest promises a mash-up of period war thriller with survivalist horror in a story of a band of soldiers stranded in the open ocean-facing assault from above and attacks from a great white below. [source]


Nicolas Cage already did it?

"We have that at home" – Nicolas Cage edition:

Five Nights at Freddy's?
Willy's Wonderland.

Killers of the Flower Moon?

Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour?
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.

The Exorcist: Believer?
Season of the Witch.

Wild at Heart.

The Killer?
Bangkok Dangerous.

The Marvels?

The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes?
The Humanity Bureau.

Lord of War.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

44. Martha Stewart Dying (Chucky, S03E04)

Stray Observations

  • "I call it slut soufflé." (Chucky, S03E04)
  • "You wrote me a lovely letter!" (Our Flag Means Death, S02E08)
  • </Our Flag Means Death, S02>
  • "I'm from Chicago, friend. The schadeocracy capital of the world." (Loki, S02E04)
  • "The effervescent clock-lady monster thing wants me." (Loki, S02E04)
  • "Well, mocking is…just isn't necessary." (Loki, S02E04)
  • "They're taking me offline. I'm losing my cognitive facilities. I only have moments left. Victor, I need to tell you…tell you… You'll never be him." (Loki, S02E04)
  • "Kathleen Kennedy is not under your bed." (South Park: Joining the Panderverse)
  • City Woke (South Park: Joining the Panderverse)
  • "I guess just wailing on woke stuff all the time is pretty lazy, too." (South Park: Joining the Panderverse)

My world collapsed

I'm not sure the producers of Hell's Kitchen really thought out this season's "American dream" theme.

The American dream is all about getting knocked down and getting back up again. If past seasons of Hell's Kitchen have taught us anything, it's that these chefs will certainly get knocked down during their process of becoming great under Gordon Ramsay's guidance.

[a female guitarist appears to just play the first six notes of "The Star-Spangled Banner"]

"Growing up in Queens, New York, I dreamed of changing the way women were viewed in male-dominated industries. And now, I'm Lobos 1717 CEO Dia Simms, and my American dream came true."

[cheers and applause]

"Dia Simms, the CEO of a multi-billion-dollar company, walks out. It's unreal to know that I am in the presence of true greatness."

"Winning Hell's Kitchen IS the American dream."

"In this special season, Chef Ramsay will inspire them in ways he has never done before, as he uses uniquely American themes, American success stories, to test them and push them to their limits."

"And while at times, it will be a celebration of the USA, it is also the fiercest, most intense competition ever."

After meeting some inspirational American icons including boxer Oscar De La Hoya and country music superstar Martina McBride, the winning team will be rewarded with a private dinner party.

[a black choir sings "America the Beautiful"]

The contestants serve an All-American brunch to new American citizens.

"In this morning's American dream speed brunch challenge…"

"And just like cheerleading is very American, you're gonna be cooking inspired, elevated takes on American comfort foods."

The evening's dinner service is attended by actor Dolph Lundgren.

The Chefs go head-to-head in a soccer-themed cuisine fusion challenge with legend Alexi Lalas.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

43. Killer of the Flower (Scavengers Reign, S01E03)

Honourable Mention

  • Brendan Fraser singing about masturbating (Doom Patrol, S04E09)

Stray Observations

  • "Your machete hasn't solved any problems thus far." (Loki, S02E03)
  • "You have sex hair." (Gen V, S01E05)
  • "No man is untouchable." (Bodies, S01E03)
  • "She's a James Bond villain."
    "She's clearly a fucking bichota."
    "What's that mean? Like, James Bond in Spanish?" (Neon, S01E04)
  • "She's been through a lot. First her divorce from the Real Madrid player, then the break-up with the oil magnate, being waitlisted by Pete Davidson." (Neon, S01E06)
  • "Thank you, but let's just sit in the hand job spot and go home." (Neon, S01E07)
  • </Neon, S01>

(Captain Laserhawk: A Blood Dragon Remix, S01E03)

(Captain Laserhawk: A Blood Dragon Remix, S01E05)

Latino butt heat

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Year-End List Idea: The Top 50 Celebrations of "50 Years of Hip-Hop" of the Year.

Didn't the Grammys already do this?

I shudder to think what's in store when Saturday Night Live turns 50 next year.

Taylor Swift should collaborate with Crumbl. White women would eat it up.

A week of cookie flavors inspired by Taylor Swift eras.

Lover – rose
Fearless – contains edible insects
Evermore – chocolate chip
Red – red velvet
1989 – ecto cooler
Midnights – dark chocolate with white chocolate chips

The Coca-Cola Company should re-release New Coke as a Coca-Cola Creation.

Coca-Cola 2.0. Back to the future flavored.