We're going to bite a kneecap off

Where should I order from today?

Goldbelly currently: Consumers order select item or item kits from regional restaurants via Goldbelly. Items may only be available in bulk. Regional restaurants ship orders directly to consumers nationwide. Consumers may have to pay for expedited shipping and may have to cook their orders.

I don't see how Goldbelly grows with this business model.

Idea: Goldbelly ghost kitchens.

Regional restaurants ship select item or item kits to Goldbelly-run ghost kitchens nationwide. Consumers order from their local Goldbelly. Vetted chefs cook to order.

Controlled micro-franchising.

I live in California. I want to try Primanti Bros. in Pittsburgh. Instead of paying $89 for a four-sandwich kit, I can order just one, ready-to-eat sandwich for $15 — a 50% mark-up, but easier to swallow than $89.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

4. How do you do, fellow kids? (Mr. Mayor, S01E04)

Stray Observations

  • "I am intimate with the most desperate and ostentatious lawyers on the whole East Coast." (Search Party, S04E04)
  • "Your Honor, there's a twink that we believed to be dead who may have kidnapped Dory Sief. Now, we're currently working on retrieving his contact information from a catering company." (Search Party, S04E05)
  • "I'll make it work, just like Tim Gunn." (Search Party, S04E05)
  • April's head falling off (Search Party, S04E05)
  • ♫: Grand Yellow – "On My Way" (Search Party, S04E06)
  • "If Ms. Adams were a man, society would praise her for having a front bulge in her pants." (Mr. Mayor, S01E04)
  • "Man, I feel like an NCIS." (Mr. Mayor, S01E04)

(Mr. Mayor, S01E04)

  • "I don't know what's real anymore. Is Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition just toilet hot dogs?" (Mr. Mayor, S01E04)
  • "Also, do you know what 'squat' means now? Because tangerine seltzer squats, but also somehow, HPV squats." (Mr. Mayor, S01E04)
  • "Oh, they'll never get that on the truck." (Mr. Mayor, S01E04)
  • "Like, obviously, the people in the cage were gonna turn out to be the bodies of the original sisters with new faces sewn on…'cause it's based on Little Women." (Mr. Mayor, S01E04)
  • Glitch (WandaVision, S01E03)
  • Phil (WandaVision, S01E03)

(Bling Empire, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: P-Valley
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: How To with John Wilson

Give me one half dozen blunt force concussions


A band of siblings who were once robbers, thieves and killers of the west, decide to fulfill their fathers dying wish of abandoning their life of crime and pursuing the path of the holy. [source]

Trail Blazers vs. Roe v. Wade: Dueling conservative Expendables!

Trail Blazers' cast is more notorious, but Roe v. Wade features the MyPillow guy.

Idea: A fighting game in which all the characters are ones played by Adam Sandler.

Hubie Halloween
Sandy Wexler
Mr. Deeds
Little Nicky
Happy Gilmore
Billy Madison

I'm the primary user of the meat slicer

Premieres Monday, January 18

Three contestants will put their pop culture knowledge to the test to complete iconic, PEOPLE PUZZLER crosswords.

The People magazine crossword? At least use the Southwest magazine one!

Next: A game show based on those mobile ad pin-pulling puzzles.

Idea: Jeopardy!, but the answers increase in difficulty each day like crosswords. Same three contestants all week.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

3. Blurred Vision (WandaVision, S01E02)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Soft version of Dory's apartment (Search Party, S04E01)
  • ♫: BLACKPAW – "Allow Me [to Destroy You]" (Search Party, S04E01)
  • "Like many citizens today, I too have been brainwashed by the arts and leisure elite." (Search Party, S04E02)
  • "[chanting] Mayor fight!" (Mr. Mayor, S01E03)
  • "Don't you have anyone in your life who just pushes all your buttons?"
    "Harvey Milk." (Mr. Mayor, S01E03)
  • "If she's really your Harvey Milk, this train's off the tracks." (Mr. Mayor, S01E03)
  • "High school never ends."
    "What? No! I don't wanna have to run the mile again." (Mr. Mayor, S01E03)
  • "Do you set your own jellies, dear?" (WandaVision, S01E01)
  • "Is gum food?"
    "Well, my understanding is that it's purely for mastication."
    "No, I don't do that." (WandaVision, S01E02)
  • "I'm a regular eating machine." (WandaVision, S01E02)
  • "I too have some top secret gossip to share: Norm here's a Communist." (WandaVision, S01E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: P-Valley
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: How To with John Wilson


Previously on Adam Riff™ (Jun 2020):

// Los Angeles to San Francisco

I see a sheriff's car entering the roadway and slow down. It moves behind me and flashes its lights.

Sheriff: Do you know how fast you were driving? 90 in a 65.

But everyone drives 90+ on this stretch of I-5…

I call the traffic court.

Jon: How much is the bail amount?
Clerk: $489.

Jon: And I can avoid a point on my public record with traffic school, right?
Clerk: No. You are not eligible for traffic school.
Jon: Why not?
Clerk: You were driving 27mph over the speed limit. The maximum for traffic school is 25mph over.

There goes my premium…


I call customer service.

Jon: Why is my premium double what I paid last year?
Northern California AAA Agent: You have two points – a collision from 2018 and a speeding ticket from 2020. And because you have two points, you don't qualify for a good driver discount.

Jon: I currently live in Southern California. Might changing my address lower my premium?
Agent: Let me check.

Agent: Your premium becomes $4,398.76 in Southern California.
Jon: Oh, heh. Never mind then. I'll just pay the $3,400.00.
Agent: Uhh… This is a recorded line, on which you said you moved to Southern California, so…

It's only $1000 more than what I would have paid. The stimmy will cover $600 of that. Just a $400 mistake…

Southern California AAA Agent: With the 2018 point rolling off next year, your 2022 premium should drop to…$3540.00.


Jon's Father: KEKW. Why would you think that car insurance would be cheaper in SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA?

Jalapeño Pringles and a blunt

Who is this jobber on Cobra Kai?

Finance bro.

Ivy Leaguers.

Is it a song Trent Reznor composed for Nine Inch Nails' The Fragile or Pixar's Soul?

Somewhat Damaged
Just Us
We're in This Together
The Big Come Down
The Great Beyond
The Great Below
Enjoy Every Minute
I'm Looking Forward to Joining You, Finally

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

2. Wes Andersimpsons (The Simpsons, S32E11)

Stray Observations

  • "Fox Kidz" (Mr. Mayor, S01E01)
  • "Aren't you a little old for the name Jayden?"
    "Thank you for noticing. I'm actually one of the oldest Jaydens you'll ever meet. Born in 1981, I like to think I might be the original Jayden." (Mr. Mayor, S01E01)
  • "Orly, your phone's out here, so I know you're gonna cave eventually."
    "Stop controlling my narrative!" (Mr. Mayor, S01E01)
  • "Being mayor if 90% photo ops and animal funerals."
    "Not just any animal – Dog with a Blog." (Mr. Mayor, S01E01)
  • Justin Bieber promoting a chair (Shark Tank, S12E09)
  • Lupin Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: P-Valley
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: How To with John Wilson

jukebox twenty

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Adam Riff™'s 2020 retrospective festivities conclude with a triptych of playlists.

First, Mad MMXX, my 17th year-end audio pastiche.

Next, Four Seasons Total Soundscaping, a very different mix curated by our mates Adam [Rozett] Robot and Jon Bell.

Finally, Good & Twenty, curated — and DJ mixed — by our mate DJ Benny C:

cover art by our mate Jon Wilcox

Alternate title idea: The Masked Dance.

  1. Good & Twenty DJ Benny C 1:09:03


Aaaand the unmixed version:

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Our favourite songs. One per year.


1. Radiohead – "The National Anthem" [2000]
2. Finch – "What It Is to Burn (Demo)" [2001]
3. Spoon – "Stay Don't Go" [2002]
4. The Mars Volta – "Take the Veil Cerpin Taxt"
5. Ratatat – "Seventeen Years"
6. The Mountain Goats – "This Year"
7. DragonForce – "Through the Fire and Flames"
8. Frank Turner – "The Real Damage"
9. The Wonder Years – "You're Not Salinger. Get Over It."
10. So Many Dynamos – "New Bones"
11. Jamie Lidell – "Your Sweet Boom"
12. M83 – "Midnight City"
13. Jai Paul – "Jasmine (Demo)"
14. CHVRCHES – "The Mother We Share"
15. CFO$ – "Worlds Apart"
16. Oneohtrix Point Never – "No Good"
17. Kanye West – "Ultralight Beam"
18. GoldLink – "Crew (feat. Brent Faiyaz and Shy Glizzy)"
19. Panic! at the Disco – "High Hopes" [2018]
20. Labrinth – "Still Don't Know My Name" [2019]
21. Bartees Strange – "Boomer" [2020]

Jon: "Boomer" sounds like all of my musical interests in three minutes. It's exciting, energetic, soulful, catchy. I can't wait to sing and dance along to it live.

1. Snapcase – "Typecast Modulator" [2000]
2. Rival Schools – "Travel by Telephone" [2001]
3. City of Caterpillar – "And You're Wondering How a Top Floor Could Replace Heaven" [2002]
4. Every Time I Die – "Ebolarama"
5. Codeseven – "All the Best Dreams"
6. Comeback Kid – "Wake the Dead"
7. Jesu – "Silver"
8. Rob Crow – "Up"
9. Russian Circles – "Campaign"
10. Coalesce – "Wild Ox Moan"
11. Deftones – "Rocket Skates"
12. Touché Amoré – "Home Away From Here"
13. Torche – "Kicking"
14. Coliseum – "Fuzzbang"
15. Violent Soho – "Covered in Chrome"
16. Baroness – "Chlorine and Wine"
17. Joyce Manor – "Last You Heard of Me"
18. Charly Bliss – "Westermarck"
19. Daughters – "The Reason They Hate Me" [2018]
20. Angel Du$t – "Want It All" [2019]
21. Higher Power – "Seamless" [2020]

Adam Robot: Something about this song from really connected me to my teenage self. There's touches of alt-rock, shoegaze, post-hardcore, nu-metal, and divisive vocals – basically everything I was into at 17. It really transported me out of 2020.

1. Outkast – "B.O.B." [2000]
2. Gob – "I Hear You Calling" [2001]
3. Justin Timberlake – "Cry Me a River" [2002]
4. The White Stripes – "Seven Nation Army"
5. Franz Ferdinand – "Take Me Out"
6. "Trapped in the Closet" Bloc Party – "This Modern Love"
7. TV on the Radio – "Wolf Like Me"
8. UGK – "Int'l Players Anthem (I Choose You) [feat. Outkast]"
9. MGMT – "Time to Pretend"
10. Passion Pit – "The Reeling"
11. LCD Soundsystem – "Dance Yrself Clean"
12. M83 – "Midnight City"
13. Bruno Mars – "Locked Out of Heaven"
14. Daft Punk – "Get Lucky (feat. Pharrell Williams)"
15. Duke Dumont – "I Got You (feat. Jax Jones)"
16. Major Lazer × DJ Snake – "Lean On (feat. MØ)"
17. G.L.O.S.S. – "Give Violence a Chance"
18. Kendrick Lamar – "DNA." [2017]
19. Cardi B, Bad Bunny, and J Balvin – "I Like It" [2018]
20. Lil Nas X – "Old Town Road – Remix (feat. Billy Ray Cyrus)" [2019]
21. Dua Lipa – "Physical" [2020]

Ben: Dua Lipa's Future Nostalgia was my album of the year. I listened to it, and this song on it, more than anything else in 2020. It's incredibly unfair that I never got to drop "Physical" for a packed dance floor.

Bell and 'Zett Face the Music

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Adam Riff™'s 2020 retrospective festivities conclude with a triptych of playlists.

First, Mad MMXX, my 17th year-end audio pastiche.

Next, Four Seasons Total Soundscaping, a very different mix curated by our mates Adam [Rozett] Robot and Jon Bell:

Rejected cover/title ideas:

—Replace the dollar bill on the cover of Nirvana's Nevermind with a $1200 stimulus check.

—Scrooge McDuck diving into a $1200 stimulus check.

—Lloyd Dobler holding up a black square.


—Something something Social Distortion, but Social Distancing.

—The cover of Bruce Springsteen's Born in the U.S.A. with a mask instead of a hat in his back right jeans pocket.

—The cover of Madvillain's Madvillainy with a face shield covering MF DOOM's mask.

OnlyBands or OnlyJams.

—MTV's logo, but WAP. Upside down M. "AP" instead of "TV." Wrap-up Audio Playlist.

—The Looney Tunes color rings. Zoomey Tunes. The black circle in the center just reads "Porky Pig" in white text as if his camera is off.

—The cover of NOFX's White Trash, Two Heebs and a Bean, but White Masks, Six Feet and a 'Tine. "20XX" instead of "NOFX."

XX XX Hard Quarantine Age Phonography (XXX Hardcore Teenage Pornography).

A MAD Listen at 2020

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Adam Riff™'s 2020 retrospective festivities conclude with a triptych of playlists.

First, Mad MMXX, my 17th year-end audio pastiche:

cover art by our mate Jon Wilcox

Alternate cover idea: The cover of Outkast's Stankonia with Black Spy and White Spy as Big Boi and Andre 3000.

  1. DaBaby "Jeopardy!" 0:13
  2. Rockstar Mario Judah 3:17
  3. Boomer Bartees Strange 3:18
  5. Michael Jackson "High Fidelity" 1:54
  6. Long Porridge Radio 4:51
  7. In Your Eyes The Weeknd 3:58
  8. I'm a Virgin The Weeknd / "American Dad" 3:02
  9. All Along the Uxbridge Road Chubby and the Gang 1:45
  10. Man in The Box William Maranci (feat. DJ Benny C) 5:26
  11. Feel Like I Do Vin Diesel 3:06
  12. Kerosene! Yves Tumor 5:06
  13. peace Taylor Swift 3:54
  14. Grow It Back Again Ron Low 3:31
  15. God Is Perfect Freddie Gibbs and The Alchemist 3:59
  16. RASCAL RMR 3:00
  17. Don't Start Now Hayley Williams 3:10
  18. Lost but Never Alone Oneohtrix Point Never 4:19
  19. Sting "Maxxx" 0:13
  20. Just Us Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross 2:43
  21. Cardi Mii Leonz 2:46
  22. The Sky Is Falling Oceanator 5:47
  23. Ladies Fiona Apple 5:25
  24. Over the Limit (feat. DOM KENNEDY) Benny the Butcher 4:15
  25. Jaja Ding Dong Will Ferrell and My Marianne 1:38
  26. Fox Dogleg 2:50
  27. Take Care in Your Dreaming (feat. Denzel Curry, Tricky, and Sampa the Great) The Avalanches 5:00
  28. David Bowie "Breeders" 0:06
  29. Where Did You Go? sinai vessel 5:36
  30. Throat Baby (Go Baby) BRS Kash 3:38
  31. Plastic Doll Lady Gaga 3:42
  32. Ween "Close Enough" 0:13
  33. Routine Pain Spanish Love Songs 4:23
  34. Fallin' J. Alphonse Nicholson 2:48
  35. before you go Moses Sumney 2:06
  36. The Most Muscular Nobuo Uematsu 1:40
  37. Caution The Killers 4:30
  38. The Bigger Picture Lil Baby 4:13
  39. Come on Eileen "What We Do in the Shadows" 1:23
  40. Dammit Antarctigo Vespucci 5:33
  41. Salut NNAMDÏ 5:21
  42. Jail Lil Dicky 10:08

2:27:24 – almost as long as Wonder Woman 1984, but a better use of that time, imo.

Aaaand the free tier stream that's a third unplayable: