Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

18. Barry vs. Lily (Barry, S02E05)

Stray Observations

  • ♫: Ramin Djawadi – "The Night King" (Game of Thrones, S08E03)
  • Nunchucks (Barry, S02E05)
  • "Yowie wowie!" (WWE Raw, 04-29-19)
  • "He was off doing photo shoots, commercials, speaking at long snapping conventions…"
    "Is that a thing?"
    "In Canada, it's like the Oscars." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E15)
  • "It's such a classic Boyle trait not to recognize talent. My cousin Susan didn't know she could sing until her late 40s." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E15)
  • ♫: Du Blonde – "Isn't It Wild" (Better Things, S03E10)
  • Peanut butter, jelly, and ashes sandwich (Better Things, S03E10)
  • "That's America, little brother. Plenty of opportunity, just never where you think." (Warrior, S01E05)
  • "May the devil cut the fuckin' toes off our fuckin' foes so that we may know them by their limping." (Warrior, S01E05)
  • "wikiHow says to kick the door down." (Ramy, S01E08)
  • "I'm lost, man. Everybody's lost. I'm like…fuckin' Ashton Kutcher, but I'm like, 'Dude, where's my country?'" (Ramy, S01E09)
  • Ramy Season Grade: C
  • "First they came for the remake of Ghost in the Shell, and I said nothing. Then they came for the Fantastic Four, again, and I said nothing." (Dead Pixels, S01E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two

Blandness Can Sizzle

NBA draft selections should be announced à la gender reveals.

Adam Silver opens a Phoenix Suns-decorated box and out floats Z, I, O, and N balloons.

Or the reverse: Zion slices a cake and its layers are purple and orange.

Five players bash piñatas of the team on the clock's mascot. One contains a hat.

Mike: I want a What Would You Do? (Nickelodeon version) where they endure an insane food contraption filled with the regional delicacy of the drafting team. Drafted by the Knicks? Sit in a chair and get pizza and bagels catapulted at you? Miami Heat? Roller coaster through a giant Cuban sandwich. Pistons drafted you? A giant bucket of chili and that arabic garlic sauce. Orlando? Mice.
Jon: [pause]

I still don't understand ESPN's design for its NBA scorebar this season. Why the stitched borders around team scores and textured background? It looks like it belongs in a Yoshi game.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

17. Focus group (I Think You Should Leave Now with Tim Robinson, S01E03)

Honourable Mention

  • Firefly Fun House (WWE Raw, 04-22-19)
  • Fully loaded nachos (I Think You Should Leave Now with Tim Robinson, S01E04)
  • Honk if you're horny (I Think You Should Leave Now with Tim Robinson, S01E04)
  • Garfield house (I Think You Should Leave Now with Tim Robinson, S01E06)

Stray Observations

  • "The things we do for love." (Game of Thrones, S08E02)
  • "He's only the second man in my life I can say that about."
    "Who was the first?"
    "Someone taller." (Game of Thrones, S08E02)
  • "The big woman still here?" (Game of Thrones, S07E02)
  • "Then how about college-educated whites?"
    "In South Carolina, that is not a significant slice of the pie." (Veep, S07E04)
  • "Listen, we have to find a way to say those things without actually saying them."
    "Like a dog whistle."
    "Yes, exactly."
    "Okay. You know what? You could talk about charter schools. Mention something…"
    "Come on, that's like a dog whisper."
    "You could 'reject' an endorsement from a pro-Confederacy group."
    "That's like a dog exploding space shuttle, you know? I need something loud, not too loud, like…"
    "Dog chainsaw?"
    "No, that's too drone-y."
    "A dog snowmobile."
    "Why would I know what that even sounds like? I mean, seriously."
    "I'm sorry, ma'am."
    "A dog leaf-blower."
    "Yeah. I like that."
    "…exactly like a dog chainsaw."
    "Even higher registers…" (Veep, S07E04)
  • "I told you not to nurse him for that long."
    "Dre, you told me we needed to save money on food." (Black-ish, S05E20)
  • "I need to do a two." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E05)
  • "I want you to bring me the strange bat with the erection." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E05)
  • "How are you supposed to be a strong, thrilling, powerful warrior and lover with a name like Jeff? It is like a weak ejaculation. [whiny grunting]…Jeff." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E05)
  • Mark Feuerstein's self-deprecating joke about how his recent CBS sitcom 9JKL had a terrible title (Better Things, S03E09)
  • "♫ Fenton's Stables and Horse Ranch / Where the horses are hung like you! ♫" (I Think You Should Leave Now with Tim Robinson, S01E04)
  • I Think You Should Leave Now with Tim Robinson Season Grade: C
  • Television episode of the year nominee (Ramy, S01E04)
  • "Don't break my balls. Do the Ramadan." (Ramy, S01E05)
  • "I'm not taking him there. Nicky, I want this guy to stomp me. I want him to demolish my entire downtown area. I want him to gentrify me." (Dead Pixels, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two

If you try to kill the King, you better not miss

How does a Clue-themed version of Monopoly not exist?

Video Game Idea: Super Mario Kingdom. Mario returns to the Mushroom Kingdom to find Cinderella's castle instead of Peach's. An anthropomorphic desk lamp informs him that he has stumbled into a magic world and asks for his help in defeating the villainous Mickey Mouser. Each area Mario visits in the game is inspired by a Disney property. And the ending:

Video Game Idea: Star Fox: Rogue Ones. A group of unlikely heroes band together on a mission to steal Andross' plans for a galactic superweapon. Blend classic Arwing-based gameplay with Adventures' Zelda-style gameplay.

Within the F-Zero series, Captain Falcon is a mysterious racer who is among the best on the circuit, as well as a renowned bounty hunter.

Video Game Idea: Grand TheF-Zero. While hunting someone in Mute City, Captain Falcon gets dragged into a criminal underworld.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

16. Simon Devious' Crew (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E04)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "So, you know what, Thomas Friedman? You are bad at writing, and nobody likes you." (Barry, S02E03)
  • "And did you see the new cover of Time magazine?
    "Yes! Are angels real?" (Veep, S07E03)
  • "Ma'am, Kemi just picked up two senators and a union."
    "A good union or, like, teachers?" (Veep, S07E03)
  • "I'm Jonah Ryan, and I wanna suck this message's hot clam." (Veep, S07E03)
  • "You should have heard his wedding vows. He did a really funny Chinese voice."
    "Yeah, I expressed how horny I was." (Veep, S07E03)
  • "We focus-tested the ad, and most people are uncomfortable watching a white man kick a black woman in the vagina."
    "Well, I don't see vagina colour." (Veep, S07E03)
  • "Less talk, more abortion." (Veep, S07E03)
  • "That's like the Shelby Cobra GT of vag-vacs." (Veep, S07E03)
  • "Novelty mayors are Iowa's number one source of tourism, after tornado-chasing, and coming in town to buy Sudafed."
    "Is that a mayor as well?"
    "No, that's just a cat. Could you imagine? This isn't Nebraska." (Veep, S07E03)
  • "Mom, I am begging you as the mother of a mixed-race child!" (Veep, S07E03)
  • "God bless America for hating women almost as much as I do." (Veep, S07E03)
  • "I have never known an ugly Jalen." (Black-ish, S05E19)
  • The Magicians Season Grade: D
  • Written by Tom Scharpling (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E04)
  • Matt Berry's pronunciation of "Manhattan" (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E04)
  • "He died tripping on his cape at a wooden stake sale at the garden centre." (What We Do in the Shadows, S01E04)
  • ♫: Galia Arad – "…Baby One More Time" (Cloak and Dagger, S02E04)
  • Harry Potter a capella jam circle (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S06E13)
  • "Passion…is a made-up idea. It's for white people." (Ramy, S01E02)
  • "You… You didn't want that ass?"
    "I didn't want that ass." (Ramy, S01E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Homecoming
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two

Life isn't real, love's make believe

You gain time when you travel east to west.

However, if you cross the International Date Line while traveling east to west, you lose a day.

My English major brain is trying to figure out if you just keep circumnavigating Earth westward, can you literally lose a year off your life?

By only traveling westward, you regain time you lost crossing the International Date Line before crossing it again, but you need to change planes at some point.

My flight from California to Australia was 14:35 plus one day.

My flight from Australia to California was 13:20 minus one day.

I didn't regain all the time I lost, right?

So if I just keep traveling back and forth between California and Australia, can I offset my birthdate by one day? Like, my birthday is October 6, but the time I have been alive only adds up to October 5.