On my way inside Baja Fresh today, I passed by a flashy white Escalade with this decal on both sides of the car: Why is a man in a turban holding a gun? I wondered. The answer must lie in the text. I scoured my…
Date Archives November 2006
Quack Whore
You know what you never see on nature shows? Ducks having sex. I tried to picture duck sex in my head today and completely drew a blank.
Always a bridesmaid
Is this some kind of joke, USA Today? I've come to dread the first Saturday of December. Do I think my beloved Bruins will beat USC on Saturday? No. I just hope they're competitive. Do I want them to win? Of course. When I signed…
Let's try to negotiate
In the scene, a group of White House brass meet to discuss an impending terrorist threat. Gervais, dressed like a presidential adviser, keeps whispering under his breath to give the mission to Jack Bauer – and then acts incredulous when someone else says it aloud…
Detox
That a clearly shitty movie like Deck the Halls grossed $17 million over Thanksgiving weekend saddens me. Home Improvement used the same plot (Christmas light display one-upmanship) every year!
Quickie
According to my father, leaving my computer on overnight is harmful to my penis.
Diminishing Returns
"Asian Thanksgiving." Three buddies sent that message to me on Thursday. "Asian Thanksgiving." Like it's Hanukkah or something. Listen, people, we spend time with our families. We eat turkey. We also eat empanadas and paella and dine with several other families. Last night, I caught…
Damage Control
"Fifty years ago, we'd have you upside down with a fucking fork up your ass!" "You can talk, you can talk, you're brave now, motherfucker! Throw his ass out! He's a nigger!" Fox should revive that OJ Simpson special with Michael Richards as the interviewer,…
Massa of his domain
J-Ram keeps pestering me for a comment, so allow me to comment: Karma.