3. Cooking Food with Your Mouth (Desus and Mero, 01-16-18)

Stray Observations

• "I am gonna cook for you every day, and dinner too, and then blow jobs for dessert." (Shameless, S08E10)
• "What's the status report? Still digging?"
  "Like a nizzle pizzy in a dizzle stizzy."
  "What?"
  "A nose-picker in a dust storm." (The Last Man on Earth, S04E10)
• "I'm being lectured by a pile of cookie dough over here." (Crashing, S02E01)
• "Now your dog doesn't have to be just a dog. He can be a turducken of cute." (Shark Tank, S09E17)
• Curb stomp back (WWE Raw, 01-15-18)
• "Marvin, call the store! The diamonds got corroded!"
  "It's not corroded. It's chocolate!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E13)
• "Wait, is this a male Terry or a female Terry?"
  "Male Terry."
  "Those are the worst kind of Terrys." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E13)
• "Aah! My Keroppi!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E13)
• "Goodbye, Yale. Hello, Georgia Tech." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E13)
• "Bow, I spent my whole life understanding 'white stuff.' Do you think I want to know the names of the members of Phish?" (Black-ish, S04E12)
• Dermot Mulroney (LA to Vegas, S01E03)
• "When you're a guy stuck moving armoires alone, you get to be selfish." (LA to Vegas, S01E03)
• "My giraffe is slippery!" (LA to Vegas, S01E03)
• "You know what this is?"
  "No."
  "It's a boiler room."
  "What's that?
  "Like the movie."
  "I haven't seen it."
  "Really? These shady finance bros who trick people into making bad investments and then they steal all their money and spend it on Quaaludes."
  "Ah, like frickin' Wolf of Wall Street."
  "Didn't even see it. Nah. Didn't look interesting to me." (The Mick, S02E12)

(9-1-1, S01E03)

• "Sorry, officer. Our…friend's cat was sick and…exploded. You know, like they do." (The Magicians, S03E02)
• "We'll see who has a small penis once I have my hurricane machine." (Corporate, S01E01)
• "I think if I was in the mafia, I would just be the guy who stayed home and made spaghetti." (Corporate, S01E01)

(Corporate, S01E01)

• "I majored in English and that should be illegal." (Corporate, S01E02)
• "I'll have the…sheep labia?"
  "Excellent choice."
  "You're gonna love that."
  "It tastes just like chicken, except it's the genitals of another animal." (Corporate, S01E02)
• "I'm luggage!" (The Good Place, S02E10)
• "Jeez Louise! Looks like Chidi has a real case of the Mondays, am I right? Hey, pass the NASCAR ketchup." (The Good Place, S02E10)
• "Pirates of the Caribbean 6: The Haunted Crow's Nest or Something, Who Gives a Crap. Now playing everywhere FOREVER." (The Good Place, S02E10)
• "First person to call Ultimate Frisbee 'ultimate.'" (The Good Place, S02E10)
• "Axe up."
  "Oh! New scent! Transformers."
  "Yes. It makes you smell the way Transformers movies make you feel." (The Good Place, S02E10)
• "I'm gonna get me a tall glass of piping hot corn syrup." (The Good Place, S02E10)
• "Hors d'oeuvre?"
  "Oh, what do you got?"
  "Soul food from Maine, bagels from Arkansas, Hawaiian pizza, of course, and egg salad from a hospital vending machine in Azerbaijan." (The Good Place, S02E10)
• "Damn, you're good at this."
  "Well, hang out with Johnny Depp long enough and you become pretty good at lying. Like, 'Nooo, your whole thing isn't exhausting at all!'" (The Good Place, S02E10)
• "We need to find Michael, and we need to be discreet. You, cover children's dance recitals through holiday weekend IKEA." (The Good Place, S02E10)
• "We're all getting laid off? Oh, God. I just spent $7,000 on a high-tech tomato garden. Wait, what's a high-tech tomato garden? Damn. Swindled again." (Great News, S02E12)
• "It's not that complicated. You know what is complicated? Prison reform. All math. My feelings on Channing Tatum – is he hot or is he Sloth from Goonies?" (Great News, S02E12)
• Henry Rollins, Krist Novaselic, and Brendan Canty (Portlandia, S08E01)
• Mikey Day's Pitbull impersonation (Saturday Night Live, S43E11)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

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