I went bowling on Saturday.

The last time I bowled was two years ago at the Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle wrap party and my rustiness showed.

10 gutter balls.

To think, I used to call myself "Blitzkrieg the Strike Masta."

I need practice. Bowling 42 is unacceptable. I just wish a round of bowling wasn't so expensive.

I need a personal home bowling lane like King Ralph had.

I've yet to patronize a bowling alley that didn't seem like it was built in the 70s. They all have wood paneling and tacky carpet patterns and color schemes inspired by Reese's Pieces.

The closest thing to innovation I encountered at the bowling alley Saturday night was a pin-shaped bottle of Bud Light.

The Krispy Kreme Mini Crullers available at the supermarket are actually cake donuts masquerading as crullers.

DO NOT BE DECEIVED