We Are BSB

Sitting in front of a computer all day, I don't usually get the opportunity to meet a lot of people. So a while back, I got a job as a housing tour guide at UCLA, and my experiences leading people around the school's residential area have made me realize that I hate people. Especially southern Californians. I don't know where to begin talking about these awful human beings that you see on television. For one thing, they're idiots. They're also egregiously capitalistic, materialistic, narcissistic – take any word with a negative connotation, add "istic" to the end of it, and poof you have just described a southern Californian. Don't believe me? Watch Survivor and pay attention to Jerri the "aspiring actress" (a.k.a. "waitress") from Los Angeles. What can I say? She's a cunt. I hate her. In fact, I hate all of the new survivors. All they do is sit around all day. They're all the exact same person. They do nothing but think about themselves. They go on the show for popularity and then cry to their mommies when they realize that they're useless maggots. Thanks to CBS for making the public realize the truth: they don't care about each other, so why should we care about them? I hate Alicia. I hate Colby. I hate Debb. I hate Keith. I hate Elisabeth. I hate Kel. I hate Kimmi. I hate Michael. I hate Maralyn. I hate Mitchell. I hate Tina. I hate Rodger. All of them: so pathetic. The day they get kicked off the show will be the greatest day of all. • JY

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