Why don't they have holes in underwear for your ass? Why don't they make boxer shorts with a flyhole for your ass so you don't have to drop trou to take a shit?
When I buy a house, the first thing I'm gonna do is install a trough in every bathroom. I'm sick and tired of having to aim, especially in the dark with the fuckin' seat down.
I went to see the UCLA jazz ensembles on Tuesday. I've been hooked on jazz music ever since I saw that Ken Burns documentary on PBS. That guy can get me off on any subject. First the Civil War, then baseball, and now jazz. Burns should do his next documentary on Britney Spears.
Apparently, there was a bomb scare and are rumors of a school shooting going around at my former high school. C'mon, people. We've raped the whole school shooting angle for all it's worth. Let's go back to the happier days of super soakers and handball. You know, England banned guns. And what is the leading killer of English children? Ballet (pronounced "bah-lay").
That was the UK. This is the UK on drugs.
For those of you who were offended by my Thanksgiving Special header, don't click here.