This greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

Freudian Slip – a declaration in which you say one thing when you mean your mother.

Pearl Harbor – shit. overly-long, predictable shit.

Notes on Pearl Harbor:

Oh Pearl Harbor, which movies do you steal from? Let me count the flicks: Titanic, Saving Private Ryan, The Thin Red Line, Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace, Cast Away, Armageddon. And these are only the influences I can think of off the top of my head.

The preview for Lord Of The Rings aired before the movie and dude, Elijah Wood may be 20 years old, but he still looks woefully beyond underage.

The Pearl Harbor attack scene had nothing to do with the rest of the movie. It stood as a completely separate entity in this two-and-a-half-hour fiasco. I mean, the first quarter of the movie set up a love triangle only to ignore it altogether during the attack sequence and haphazardly try to resolve it later.

At the end of the PH attack, there's a guy wearing a UCLA Bruins hat. Suck it, Cal.

Director Michael Bay had no idea when to end this fuckin' movie and as a result, I was subjected to an extra hour of resolution bullshit and another attack scene (the Doolittle raid) for the climax which, strangely enough, was more reminiscent of the VIETNAM WAR.

I'm very tolerant of historical inaccuracy in movies. Gladiator, for one, got the whole thumbs-up, thumbs-down meaning reversed and I didn't mind. However, to claim that Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett singlehandedly fought off the Japanese during the PH attack is wrong in so many ways.

I loved how whenever the Japanese appeared on screen, ethnic theme music that screamed "we are Japanese" played in the background. I also loved how the movie compensated for any "offensive" material with a lesson in morality. When a Japanese military officer is deemed "brilliant" for machinating the surprise attack, he responds, "A brilliant man would find a way not to fight a war." Really…I did not know that.

With all due respect to Jon Voight, the movie made Franklin Delano Roosevelt look like an idiot. You have to be really schlocky to make my favorite president look bad. Nixon…is fair game. But FDR? C'mon!

All those Saturday Night Live hosting stints must have gone to Alec Baldwin's head. It's impossible to take this guy seriously anymore. The audience kept laughing Baldwin because his acting was just so terrible. I think Randall Wallace, the writer of the movie, must have scoured through all the wartime propaganda he could find, copied all the good lines, and rearranged them to come up with Baldwin's dialogue. I swear to God, Baldwin actually says, "We may lose the battle, but we'll win the war."

I'm going to the 2001 MTV Movie Awards next Saturday! Weezer! Dave Matthews Band (again)! The "Lady Marmalade" burlesque girls! Whoo!

What should Jonathan Yu's wrestling name be? (out of 59 votes)
Creatine • 0 votes • 0%
Donovan Woo • 22 votes • 37%
"Macho" Nacho Gazpacho • 8 votes • 14%
Mr. Resyster • 1 vote • 2%
The Short-Order Gook • 28 votes • 47%
Gooks are Korean. Racists.

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