Drowsy Formula

"Do you realize that sleep accounts for one-third of the average person's life? ONE-THIRD of our ENTIRE existence (as we know it) down the tubes…squandered…GONE! With only about fifteen hours of consciousness in each day, only so much can be accomplished. As a result, the things I really care about have often taken a back seat to the more DREARY aspects of life, such as school, work, mindless errands, etc. If I didn't have to sleep, I could accomplish those things and still have ample time for more productive, enriching activities…like drawing comics!"

"But you're overlooking one important fact! Sleep FEELS good!"

"FEELS GOOD?!! Lying idly for hours on end FEELS GOOD? I'll tell you what FEELS GOOD… Inking a satisfying page of comics FEELS GOOD! Reading a good book FEELS GOOD! Spending time with the one you love FEELS GOOD! Okay, you lazy dimwit?"

"Whoa! Take a chill pill, dude! Think what you want, but the fact is, sleep IS necessary. It restores body tissue, helps the immune system, and furthermore, it offers a peaceful respite for the hectic bustle of-"

"Yeah, yeah…. EXERCISE is supposed to be necessary too, and I get by FINE without it! What about all this modern technology and science? Why can't one of you so-called MEDICAL GENIUSES invent a…uh, VITAMIN or something that'll make sleep UNnecessary? Sleep is an enemy we should be working to DEFEAT! I mean, just think what would happen if the whole world simply STOPPED sleeping! Cures for horrible diseases would be found sooner! Great works of art could be produced faster! In fact…BAH! What am I thinking? Let's face it… If NO ONE had to sleep, the world would just get exponentially more FUCKED UP!"

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I like to read, but college reading is just ridiculous. I spent Saturday reading Beowulf in its entirety and today, I churned through a quarter of my film class textbook. I miss when teachers would assign a chapter or two, maybe three, to read over the weekend. Nowadays, it's no less than a book a night. I suppose I could use the assistance of Sparknotes for my English class reading, but I'm a good boy. I've actually read every book that I've been assigned to read by the California public education system…except for The Scarlet Letter. I couldn't make it past page one without falling asleep. Nathaniel Hawthorne is the fictional equivalent of the New York Times, respected but really fuckin' blah blah boring with gravy on top. I ended up "reading" The Scarlet Letter with the book in one hand and Cliffs' Notes in the other. Oh well. Hey, it could be worse. I could have to read about developmental politics, methodology, and African history. You know I'd actually read it too.

Has it ever occurred to anyone that DMX doesn't rap? He talks! Yes, Earl Simmons' claim to fame is his ability to talk over any beat in an intimidating manner. Whoo! If DMX can consistently top the Billboard chart with records of him bordering on nagging, then I gotta get my mom into a recording studio.

The latest trendy piercing is "the skewer," a thin metal rod that goes diagonally through not one, but two holes of an ear, effectively "skewering" the ear. What can I say? It looks cool to me. I think they should go a step further though and make little drapes for the rods. I mean, wouldn't it be cool to have custom drapes for your ear(s)? You could stage a vaudeville show in your ear with Risk game pieces or recreate the shower scene from Psycho.

Psss. Take a look at the new introduction to Colin's Movie Monologue Page. Guess who ghost-wrote it? Me. That's right. I ghost-wrote the fabulous new introduction to Colin's Movie Monologue Page. ME. Jonathan Yu. In fact, Colin personally asked ME to ghost-write it, seeing as how I AM the greatest ghost-writer in the world. Period. "Jon, please write a new introduction for my site! PLEASE! Nobody is as good a ghost-writer as you!" Out of pity, I obliged, nice guy that I am. ME. The one, the only, Jonathan Karlin-Resnick Yu VI. I ghost-wrote the new introduction to Colin's Movie Monologue Page. Know this while understanding that I am in essence a humble guy.

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