Sittin' on My Watch So I Can Be on Time

56-17. I got three letters for ya: B-C-S.

Hmmm. I hear the Telcobox people "love" my recent posts. Well, I "love" their acknowledgment of my genius too. They know I'm right. They know their site is a pathetic bastion of underage thinking and a crucial factor in the decline of Western civilization. A few more of these posts and Telcobox will be off the internet for good, just as I planned. In fact, I'm so confident I can annihilate Telcobox that I'll let them make the next move. That is, IF they make a next move. Try me. Show me what you got, fellas, 'cause no matter what you say, no matter what you do, no matter what – I will prevail in the end.

"hey Yu, why don't you shove your tongue so far up my butt you can lick my ovaries."

This is what I'm talkin' about, ladies and gentlemen. Give it up for Telcobox. [claps]

If procrastination is like masturbation, and masturbation is like sex, then procrastination is like…sex. That's about right. Dude, I haven't started writing paper number two yet. Yes yes, it's due Monday, but what would you choose: homework…or sex? I've also come down with a horrible case of irritable bowel syndrome. My anus feels like shit right now. This is not supposed to happen to me, especially after Survivor diet Friday. [sigh] Drastic times call for using other people's material in my posts. Some guy (who shall remain anonymous for safety reasons) wrote a rant about Weezer on his site. The following is the rant unedited and in its entirety:

i hate weezer. YEAH, SHOCK AND GASP IN AMAZEMENT!!! well, i've got a problem with rivers cuomo and his jackass bullshit attitude towards us Pinkerton fans. alright, so the story goes as follows: weezer puts out pinkerton, and it doesnt do as well. about every single member starts a side project, rivers goes into hiding, and all sorts of crap. well, their fanbase begins to expand (this is where i jump on), and people are buying their albums without them even doing anything. the people want weezer back. they liked pinkerton, and they want more where that came from. the internet plays a huge part in their increasing underground popularity. matt sharp leaves some time along this line too (which, is one of the BIGGEST mistakes). well, they decide to start doing shows again, and writing new songs. i catch one of the shows, and it SUCKS. fucking AWFUL audience, mostly. their stage presence wasn't that great, either. very just "hi, we're here to play the songs exactly as they sound. we'll shut up and play now.". the whole time, my then girlfriend and i are shoved around (hell, she's even knocked to the ground by some fucked up high-as-shit crowd surfer). they play some new songs, which aren't bad. at all. then mp3's of their new material (live, of course) is all over. i grab some of these, and i like what i hear. NONE OF THESE SONGS MAKE THE CUT, EXCEPT FOR "ISLAND IN THE SUN", AND "HASH PIPE" (out of the ones i heard, that is). which, i only heard once of each. i was too busy loving "modern dukes", "slob", and "sister song". then they do a huge tour with the get-up pukes and awesomza (ozma). it's a huge, yahoo.com sponsored tour, in arenas, and it doesn't even come near oregon. then the green album comes out, and FUCKING SUCKS WITH THE MINOR EXCEPTION OF A COUPLE OF SONGS. the whole album, all of the songs sound the same. through the last half of the disc, you can't even tell where one song stops and the other begins. but the first half is pretty decent. then, inevitably, they start doing interviews. rivers fucking rips the shit out of us pinkerton fans. the fans who kept them alive. the fans who appreciated rivers' personal songs. the fans who breathed life into a dying band. rivers hates this album, and wants the "disgusting cult behind pinkerton to just go away.". well you know what rivers?

FUCK YOU TOO!!!

you cocky piece of shit. just because an album isn't a commercial success, you hate it? you are an awful excuse for a musician. what happened to your good, classic songwriting style? what the hell happened to you? fuck you and your arena tours. fuck you and your lunchboxes. fuck you and your calandars. fuck you and your 30+ dollar, gold-glitter-covered sleeveless shirts that every girl who owns a piece of expensive clothing from pukercrombie and vomitch has. your little band has turned into nothing but a stupid TRL hot commodity. and not that that is the bad thing. the bad thing is that it's so obvious that that is who you are now trying to cater to. well, go ahead. have a nice life with your millions of dollars. with your teenage girl fans who would turn on your in a second if your album didn't reach the top 10. they won't stick it our for you and try to keep it alive. we will.

well, we WOULD.

the best analogy i can come up with for you is some nice, not so popular guy in high school, with a good girlfriend, and great friends. all of the sudden the popular kids see that you have some cool trick thing you can do, and you leave all of your good friends, and your loving girlfriend for this new group of people who want to use you just for your little cool trick. you leave them behind, burn your bridges by talking shit about them. well, soon your god damn popular crowd won't love you anymore, when your god damn 15 minutes of fame are up, and you'll want to go crawling back to your old friends who genuinely loved you, but do so no longer, once they saw what you did to them. AND THEN, HOPEFULLY, YOU WILL DIE.

*spits*

…Such anger. All right, back to sex.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.