Did you just call me fat?

eminem on piracy of the eminem show "I think that shit is fucking bullshit. Whoever put my shit on the internet, I want to meet that motherfucker and beat the shit out of him, because I picture this scrawny little dickhead going 'I got Eminem's new CD! I got Eminem's new CD! I'm going to put it on the Internet.' I think that anybody who tries to make excuses for that shit is a fucking bitch."

Oh look, he's so scary.

Who appears more comatose in interviews: George Lucas or David Blaine?

the questionable summer movie preview this season's cinema demands attention

06.14 || the dangerous lives of alter boys Jodie Foster plays a one-legged nun who gets targeted for a mean prank by a gang of Catholic schoolboys unhappy with the punishment they received for drawing an offensive comic book.

06.21 || juwanna mann It's like a Mexican saying "you want a man?" — get it? This comedy deals with a down-on-his-luck basketball player who stuffs his shirt and joins the WNBA as female player "Juwanna Mann."

06.21 || lilo and stitch You know those animated movies about wicked, interstellar criminals who appear as cute pets to sweet Hawaiian girls? Here's one of those.

06.28 || pumpkin Sorority sister Christina Ricci falls in love with a "special" athlete and sparks fly all over campus. Sort of like a Freddie Prinze Jr. comedy, except the guy's actually retarded.

07.03 || like mike Lil' Bow Wow stars in this basketball fantasy about a pair of shoes with magical properties, once worn by Michael Jordan. It's based on a Gatorade ad campaign. If you loved Kazaam

07.12 || blue crush Pitched as a kind of Fast and the Furious for female surfers, probably due to shared star Michelle Rodriguez. It depicts two ladies with boards who enter an all-male surfing competition.

07.12 || the crocodile hunter: collision course Collision Course sees gung-ho Aussie zookeeper-cum-animal-wrestler Steve Irwin plopped into a fiction film about a spy satellite that's been swallowed by a wild crocodile. Irwin reportedly improvised all his own dialogue. Oh boy.

07.19 || eight legged freaks David Arquette and Kari Wuhrer fight giant poisonous spiders.

07.19 || halloween: resurrection Undoubtedly jealous that Jason got another movie, Michael Myers returns from the dead to battle Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks.

07.19 || tadpole A precocious kid wins the weird-ass lottery and gets to seduce his stepmother and her girlfriend. Shot on digital video, which means you could make this sort of thing yourself, more or less.

07.26 || the country bears Haley Joel Osment voices an anthropomorphic bear raised by humans, who finally learns that he's not like other kids. So he hooks up with a robotic gigolo and gets frozen in ice for 2000 years and…whoops, wrong movie. He actually learns that his family are the country-music-playing bears immortalized at Disneyland's Country Bear Jamboree, and that he must save them from the evil forces of Christopher Walken.

08.16 || serving sara Matthew Perry gets kooky on a Texas ranch with Elizabeth Hurley while serving her divorce papers from her square-jawed soon-to-be-ex, Bruce Campbell.

08.23 || slap her, she's french Piper Perabo plays a French girl testing the foreign exchange rates in Texas.

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