Jon | Rory | Anthony

I love how Rod Roddy says "a new car" on The Price Is Right. Usually twice during each show, Bob Barker will ask "Rod, what do we have for [name of contestant] today?" and then Rod will super enthusiastically answer "A NEW CARRRRRR!!!" and then everybody goes crazy. Rod's vocal inflection makes you really want to win that new car, even though it's usually some shitty GM vehicle.

What if Rod could be there for all of life's special moments?

Woman: We need to talk.
Man: What do you want?
Rod: A DIVORCE!!!

Man: What'd you do last night?
Man's Best Friend: I had sex.
Man: You? Had sex? With who?
Rod: YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!

Man: What's wrong, doctor?
Doctor: [sigh] You're gonna die soon.
Man: Whaaa? What do I have?
Rod: BRAIN CANCER!!!
Man: Oh no…
Rod: AND AIDS!!!

I had my palms read today. The lady told me a lot about myself — namely, that I don't clean up after masturbating.

an actual ad

Me: Hello?
Jon: Hey, is Rory there?
Me: [pause] This is a cell phone number, dumbass!

"Mobile my hole. I fuckin' hate mobile phones. And the cunts that use them. The ugly intrusiveness of the strange voice: everywhere pushing their business in your face. The last time I was in Soho on a brutal come-down all those fuckin' tossers were standing in the street talking to themselves. The yuppies are now emulating the jakeys; drinking outside in the street and belthering shite to themselves, or rather, into those small, nearly-invisible microphones connected to their mobiles."
Irvine Welsh in "Catholic Guilt (You Know You Love It)"

"I want a lover who beats their spouse."
Jram in his car

I'm going home this weekend, driving up north to northern California to renew my driver's license.

I thought you hated driving.

I do, but I'm not the one driving up, and I'm flying back down.

FLY BACK ON SEPTEMBER 11! =D