Jon | Rory | Anthony

WARNING: The following piece contains gross generalizations, inside jokes, and region-specific references. Enjoy at your own discretion.

in Danielle's car…
Radio: …so lick it now, lick it good / lick this pussy just like you should / my neck, my back / lick my pussy and my crack…
Jon's Internal Monologue: Did she just say…
Danielle: What the fuck! Not now, Rob! I'm trying to drive here! Put your seatbelt back on.
Jon's Internal Monologue: Is he…
Eric: I hate Andy Jacobs. Look at him smiling on that billbo—
Rory: Shhh! I'm trying to watch.
Danielle: ROBERT!!!
Jon's Internal Monologue: What in God's name is…
Radio: …it's getting hot in herre…
Jon's Internal Monologue: Oh no…

episode 4

Question: Where are the hills?

I grew up in the northern California suburb of Mountain View, and you can see mountains from within city limits. With Michigan's screwy weather, I don't expect to see any crop fields in Farmington Hills, but they could at least deliver on the "hills" part. Mountain View built its own hill outta garbage and turned it into an amphitheatre. If my hometown can do that, then Farmington Hills can surely grow some tits.

Same thing. ¿Dondé está los heights?

U of M = 2D Berkeley

It's like the original settlers in Michigan used a Monopoly board as their building plan.

You know what else in Michigan is nice and flat?

The stuffed panda bear in Tony Fader's basement.


The night we had to sleep over at his house, I took the couch in the basement and there was no blanket so I grabbed this pillow-shaped stuffed panda bear and it was…..words can't describe how comfortable it was.


I mean, this panda bear rivals Dave and Anthony's red couch in terms of comfortableness.

The couch from high school?


That was a pretty comfortable couch. You're telling me that some stuffed panda bear can melt my body the way that corduroy did?

YES. Plus, unlike the couch, I'm the only person who's ever had sex on the panda bear.

[pause] Is this why you insisted on staying over at Tony's house again two days later? So you could sleep with a panda bear?


You sick fuck.

What can I say? It's a comfortable panda bear! The only thing better would be the panda bear…on the red couch! Unph…

Dude, listen to yourself! You're obsessing over a stuffed animal!

I'm obsessing? Look who's talking, Mr. I-love-wrastling-and-verbally-fellating-WankerCounty!

What was that?

I'm not obsessed. I just know a good thing when I see one.

See? Jram likes the panda bear too.

to be continued

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