Dinosaurs Are Big-Boned

"Been to Vegas lately? Any of you? 'Cause I was there for a couple of weeks when I was on the tour. You know what I noticed in Vegas? I noticed this one little thing: we have some fat fucking people in this country. It is OUT OF CONTROL!" – Denis Leary

I saw a special on the Travel Channel called Battle of the Buffets, a three-day "pentathalon of gastronomy" sponsored by the International Federation of Competitive Eating to determine the buffet-eating champion of the world.

The competition was held in Las Vegas and the grand prize was…a trip to Las Vegas.

The following are actual quotes from this special:

"When I go to the doctor, I don't tell the doctor that I do this, because the last thing the doctor says to me is, 'Whatever you're doing, keep doing it.'"

"We like to do things where you could die, and then, when you don't die — what a rush!"

"You know, I do a little cardio. I try to stay in shape. I mean, stay in eating shape."
[note: accompanying footage showed this person pretend-sky-diving in a vertical windtunnel and two people had to help hold him up because the wind could not fully support his weight]

"Eric Booker, top-rate eater in America, using utensils — completely unnatural for him!"

"He just could not keep up with the other gurgitators!"

"'Cookie Jarvis taking an entire tomato in with that shovel of his!"

"You know, you could till a garden with that spoon. He uses it just to stuff his face!"

"He is going to have to change some of his pre-contest habits if he's ever going to compete against those top echelon eaters!"

"Uh-oh… He is definitely slowing. Oh, he was fighting for a belch, Rich. I think he got it. I think he was maneuvering that belly. It's a very complicated musculature kind of a move, but I think he got the belch. Yeah…"

"Look at her chug that [tomato bisk soup] like a college freshman at a keg party!"

"I almost gave up, I almost did, but then I heard my name, and I heard how close I was, and I thought, 'Oh man, my husband's gonna be so disappointed with me if I quit.'"

"I don't think these guys are too happy with this salad. They must chew that! It's fresh, ripe, crisp salad!"

[after one contestant vomited mid-competition]
"Mr. Richard Le Fevre suffering urges contrary to swallowing! A near reversal of fortune! Of course, in competitive eating, that is an immediate disqualification!"

"One can only imagine what the eaters went through last night after consuming nearly 17 pounds of food in one day of competitive eating!"