"Why can't I be a one-sided know-it-all blowhard like everyone else?"
tony millionaire – maakies

[source comic]

Editor's Note: This piece appears in the April 14 edition of Adam Riff™ The Magazine.

Remember those white guys in high school who wanted to start a "white club" because other ethnicities had one?

Let the record show that teenagers are fucking idiots.

I don't think teenagers should be allowed to voice their opinions on the internet without first taking (and passing!) remedial classes in poli sci and forensics. I'm sick and tired of hearing stupid shit like this:

"If you don't like America and you live in America, get the fuck out."
just about every 16-year-old stoner with a website

Not only does an argument like that make its speaker come off poorly, it's also unsubstantiated and fails to account for potential counter-arguments. People may not like America because they can't GET A PROFESSIONAL JOB in our current shithole economy, which, the mainstream media and teenagers furthering their careers in food and retail seem to ignore.

But I digress.

"Boycott Dixie Chicks! Boycott Michael Moore! Boycott Pearl Jam! Kill the pig! Cut her throat! Bash her in!"

Has it occurred to anyone else that Americans have become the teenagers in Lord of the Flies, with the media in the role of Jack?

"Standing out here yelling 'rabble rabble rabble' isn't going to help anything."
the mayor of south park

[source sound clip]

Contrary to what the Fox News Channel believes, this "I'm proud, you're not" mob mentality is a disservice to our country. What are we fighting for in Iraq, if not the right of silly people (and yes, teenagers) to speak their minds? Fighting for freedom abroad while shaming it at home makes us hypocrites. Where are all the "proud to be hypocritical" bumper stickers?

To ostracize, or not to ostracize, that is the question.

"George W. Bush is a Hitler-loving faggot ass corporate cocksucker, not my President. My President ain't no nigger-executing spic-employing cowboy QUEEEEEER!"
jon yu

I await the considerable drop in hits tomorrow.

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