Have you seen the latest Subway commercial?

—For seven months, we ate nothing but Subway! proclaim Sherman and Herman, two black twins.

Seven months.

They might as well have been in prison for seven months. At least in there, the state pays for your bland repetitive meals.

Do the parents of twins actually think it's cute if their children have rhyming names? They couldn't have been Sherman and Tyrone?

I want to name my firstborn Puke. I like the guttural sound of the word puke. PUKE. Plus, it's an androgynous moniker. If it's a boy, Puke. If it's a girl, Puke. Twin boys? Puke and Luke. Fraternal twins? Same thing. Twin girls? Puke and…..the uglier one I "forgot" in a trash can at some rest area off the New Jersey Turnpike.

—puke hilton
—they should rename the other one puke
—puke & paris
—then people might actually remember that one!

In a sandwich, mayonnaise is supposed to be spread on the bread like a lubricant. Why, then, do the sandwich artists (re: Mexican people) at Subway put the mayonnaise in the middle of your sandwich? It's a sandwich, not a twinkie! A spoonful of mayonnaise makes the medicine come right back up.

Then they have that watery lettuce that falls into your lap.

Seven months.