Watch the Closing Doors

A commercial for the 2004 MTV Video Music Awards lists Dave Chappelle under "performers" instead of "presenters."

Rick James tribute, anyone?

I'm sick of hearing Americans complain about Olympics coverage and the time difference. How do you think we on the west coast feel every fuckin' day? If you've never had to get up at the asscrack of dawn on Sunday to watch football games or steer clear of the internet before a major television event, then you have no right to complain.

From the UCLA Guide to Greek Life:
—Hazing is prohibited, it's against the law, and at UCLA, it's enforced…plain and simple.

Whenever I visit an ice cream shop and see a girl behind the counter, I like to order multiple scoops of chocolate just to watch her suffer.

Today, I bled on my dinner and then ate it. Hardcore!


Okay, I had a nosebleed and hate wasting money.

I want to be buried with coins on my eyelids.