Sweater weather for you, and a straitjacket for me

reporting from: nor cal

Why do Alaska and Hawaii have their own airlines? What makes them so special that they can compete with whole countries?

—They're listening.
[all of a sudden, the house gets sucked into space]

Someone please explain the last shot of the trailer for The Forgotten to me.

I saw a commercial for a new toothpaste with mini breath strips inside the toothpaste. I think it's time for a moratorium on household dental care innovation. The industry should have called one after the release of those Oral-B finger condoms.

I went to pick up a take-out order at Chef Chu's. I handed the lady behind the counter a credit card and she handed me a slip of paper to sign. On it, underneath the price, was a line to add a tip.

Fuck that, I thought. What do I have to tip for?

Then I thought maybe I was supposed to tip the lady for putting the food in boxes and bags and went back and added a tip.

Still, what kind of shady extortion is that?

I'm too nice.

Last last spring, Jord, Tony, Joe and I went to a Mexican restaurant in Mesa, AZ for dinner. This restaurant serves complimentary chips and dip with every meal.

Jord and Tony didn't like our waitress. I don't remember why exactly. All I remember is that they kept talking about how they disliked the waitress and how they should have just ordered drinks and gorged themselves on complimentary chips and dip for dinner.

When it came time to leave a tip for the waitress, the boys refused. I felt bad for her and decided to leave the whole tip myself out of courtesy. I pulled out my wallet, and as I grabbed some cash from it, the waitress passed by our table.

After she was outside listening range, Tony smirked and said, "Okay, now put the money back in your wallet. That was a nice move there."