You had me at "dicks fuck assholes"

I saw a sneak preview of Team America: World Police on Saturday.

Paramount sent audio and video crews to the Village to gather material for a national Team America television and radio ad campaign.

A cameraman videotaped a bunch of us in line screaming "Team America!" and an audio crew stuck a boom mic in my face and asked me why I chose to attend this Team America sneak preview.

—I have a buddy in Montana who's obsessed with everything Trey and Matt do, and I'm here to spite him. Adam [Robot]'s been looking forward to this film for the longest time, and the podunk he lives in sure ain't getting one of the 800 sneak preview prints. Sucka!

Paramount also hired unemployed aspiring actors (or so it seemed) to distribute Team America swag. I got Team America posters, Team America buttons, Team America ringed t-shirts, Team America bumper stickers, Team America sweat wristbands and Team America condoms. I wanted a Team America ballcap and a Team America jumpsuit (which one swag lady was wearing), but they weren't giving those away.

While waiting in line, I saw a white teenager walk by with a "Bush/Cheney '04" button on his shirt. I thought maybe the button was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, but then my friend Elizabeth pointed out that he came to see the movie with his father, so he was probably an actual Bush/Cheney supporter.

the packaging for passes to the Team America premiere

Team America: World Police Hit List:

[+] all but one of the original songs and song parodies
[+] star wars references
[+] kill bill: volume one reference
[+] the "panthers"
[+] art direction
[+] graphic deaths of liberal actors (poor janeane garofalo)
[+] "dicks, pussies and assholes" monologue (instant classic)
[+] edited-down puppet sex scene (will still make prudes blush)
[+] the greatest vomiting scene in cinema history

[-] uneven
[-] squandered opportunity with michael moore puppet
[-] weak "pearl harbor/i miss you" song
[-] girls will probably not enjoy it

I should emphasize how fuckin' good the vomiting scene is. I'm talking sustained lollering. It's on par with Will Ferrell's ribbon twirling scene in Old School.

Before the screening, Paramount representatives recruited "enthusiastic" audience members to record testimonials afterward. I couldn't resist.

My mouth issued bullshit like it was carbon dioxide.

Team America is the best R-rated puppet movie of the year!
—Where do I enlist?
—I haven't seen such extraordinary wooden acting since Denise Richards in The World Is Not Enough!
—Did I like the movie? Depends…are what I need to wear the next time I see it!

In addition, a crew member fed me a line to say.

—I'm glad this movie is just a work!

Strange thing to ask me to say, I thought.

Later at dinner, I overheard a conversation at the table besides ours between two frat boy types and three sorority girl types. The two boys were discussing the alternate ending of a movie when one of the girls asked: "What's an alternate ending?"