Uh, Zoom, Zip

This week:
Green Day's pre-Thanksgiving hometown throwdown, the last show of their North American fall tour. I'll be there with a partially deaf pothead buddy of mine.

Conor's musical tastes sometimes confound me. Last summer, I managed to talk him out of throwing away $20 to see Sir Mix-A Lot. He was genuinely excited about the show too.

Recently, Conor told me that he was going to see 2 Live Crew.

—You CANNOT dis them.

Um, yes, I can.

First of all, Fresh Kid Ice is the only original member still in the group, so it's not really 2 Live Crew anymore. They should be called 2 Live Crew of the 21st Century or something.

Secondly, 2 Live Crew hasn't released anything worthwhile in a DECADE.

What's next, Conor? Tone-Loc? Wreckx-N-Effect?

To be fair, the first popular music album I ever listened to was 2 Live Crew's As Nasty as They Wanna Be, followed by Weird Al Yankovic's Off the Deep End. I loved him then, but I would never pay to see Weird Al now. Same goes for 2 Live Crew.

Velvet Revolver is a fuckin' cockroach. I don't know anyone who likes them yet they continue to land feature magazine articles and choice live gigs. Whose industry cocks are they sucking?

The drink cups used by the Sbarro in my school's student union promote Hoobastank's latest album.

There's a show on MTV called Room Raiders on which a contestant decides whom he or she will go on date with by snooping through the bedrooms of three candidates.

When the candidates are men, the female contestants frequently find opened porn on candidates' computer screens. I find it hard to believe that so many of these male candidates — allegedly abducted without prior notice so as to prevent them from cleaning up their rooms — just happen to be looking at porn on their computers at the time of abduction.

Anyway, I caught a few minutes of this new show on MTV on which some dude decided whom he would go on a date with by (apparently) spending time with the mothers of three candidates. He dated the potential dates' mothers!

It's only a matter of time before MTV produces a dating show on which the sole criteria is the smell of farts.

Adobe Reader 6 blows.