Rolodex Propaganda

People of Earth…

The term "MILF" is not funny.

Cut it out.

Freshman year of high school, my English teacher surveyed our class on popular slang.

Being totally uncool*, I wrote down what I assumed was popular slang at the time — that is, slang used in the film Clueless.

When Mrs. Lee read my (thankfully anonymous) submissions to the class,

"…Betty, Barney, loser loady…"

I distinctly remember Michaela Gordon snarking: "Barney? Someone's been watching Clueless!"

She and her fellow non-AP-track brethren then burst into laughter.

*I considered adding "at the time," but that would be misleading

Clueless writer-director Amy Heckerling reportedly researched contemporary teenage slang for her screenplay.

In retrospect, her sources must have been messin' with her.

No teenager I knew spoke like the characters in Clueless.

To be fair, I didn't grow up in Beverly Hills, nor did I know very many teenagers.

Still, I cannot fathom* any teenager of my generation spewing semantic nonsense like "she's a full-on Monet."

*In retrospect, of course.

According to Wiktionary, the film American Pie popularized usage of the term "MILF."

[while looking at a picture of Stifler's mom]
MILF Guy #2: Dude, that chick's a MILF!
MILF Guy #1: What the hell is that?
MILF Guy #2: M-I-L-F: Mom I'd Like to Fuck!
MILF Guy #1: Yeah, dude! Yeah!

Thank you, John Cho.

Moralists often accuse the entertainment industry of setting a poor example for children, but it's an equally poor role model for adults.

Call it the "'bling bling' fallacy" — culturally-malnourished individuals adopting what they assume is "hip" terminology from mass media and subsequently embarrassing themselves in conversation*.

Slang is organic. Speak what you know.

If your use of "MILF" predates the release of American Pie, so be it**.

Pretenders, however, need not apply.

*also known as "SportsCenter Syndrome"
**doesn't make it funny

Birthday wishes to Cardigan Buoy.

I'd send him a bottle of shitty wine, but Yellow Tail's a product of Australia. Readily available, I'm sure.