Trains, Planes and Automatons

The first thing my mother said to me upon my return home?

"You have an appointment with the masseuse on Thursday."


Ten hours, three airports, a few notes:

I encountered not one but two Fox News Channel stores on the same concourse at MSP International. To my dismay, they were just regular airport convenience stores with televisions tuned to Fox News.

Fun fact: Fox News Channel's stores sell The New York Times.

While eating at Cinnabon, Midway's public address system informed me that "Catholic mass will be held in the chapel at 11:30 a.m."

I wonder if it's available for weddings.

Mad's new magazine for kids has spoofs of Wallace and Gromit and Lemony Snicket, plus Spy vs. Spy Jr.

But Mad IS a magazine for kids! No one starts reading Mad as an adult.

I suppose if Muppet Babies worked, so can…Spy vs. Spy Jr.

I may be Asian, but I hate removing my shoes at security checkpoints.

Fuck you, shoe bomber. Fuck you very much.