Pasta and videogames with my broooooos

Tony first brought it up in Royal Oak.

During dinner at OHOP, he casually remarked, "I can hear Jon Yu's accent."

I reacted internally like Richard Lewis in Robin Hood: Men in Tights.

"Stop me if I'm wrong about this, but wasn't your mole on the other side?"

I have an ACCENT?

God, I hope it's not a chink one, I thought.

I should've but didn't bother to follow up on his revelation.


A few months later, during an online conversation, Chris Castle remarked:
you and your bizarre upper class west coast accent
how the hell did you get that

Chk. Chk. Chk.

Shit, I thought. Do I talk like Mischa Barton? That's worse than having a chink accent. I don't want to literally sound pretentious!

I surveyed my buddy list for second opinions.

Jord wrote:
it's sort of an artsy accent
nearly drama camp esque
very reminiscent of interlochen
[arts academy in michigan] and two kids in high school who ended up gay

Meanwhile, Young Republican Mark offered…this:
its very calming
youd make a good flight attendant
i think if you started talking blacklike you could pass it off as an LA stoner type
like a cross between tarantino and rivers cuomo


A few months later, on vacation in Seattle, I confronted Chris about his claim.

"Listen to me speak, Chris. Do you really think I sound aristocratic?"
"Yeah. Your voice sounds very upper class Beverly Hills."

Chris' friend Devin happened to be in the room at the time, and, after a stretch of silence among us, resting still as a corpse on a recliner, drunk and stoned past sensibility, he uttered, "You have a Long Beach accent."


First of all, I've only been to Long Beach twice in my life — once to buy dry ice and again for a Weezer concert. Secondly, what the hell is a Long Beach accent?

None of my native SoCal mates seem to know.

Perhaps he was referring to Long Beach, WA?

That same trip to the Pacific Northwest, I discovered Mrs. Paterson's Aussie Pies.

For you f00bs, Mrs. Paterson's Aussie Pies are the pastry equivalent of crack.

Chris' dad said he bought them at Costco, but I haven't encountered them anywhere outside the Puget Sound.

Handheld meat pie withdrawal is excruciating. I don't wish it upon anyone.