Holy cow! How did this advance past copy editing?
Sports columnist Tom Powers in the St. Paul Pioneer Press:
If the government really is serious about identifying illegal immigrants, it soon will be provided a unique opportunity to record their whereabouts.
All the Department of Homeland Security has to do is monitor the city-by-city television ratings of this month's World Cup soccer tournament. Agents should be dispatched to any area in which the ratings reflect an unnaturally high level of interest. That likely signals a concentrated pocket of illegals.
Regardless of how passionate we [Americans] are about our sports teams, we draw the line at pipe bombs.
Many spectators in soccer-crazed countries warm up for a big match by hitting their neighbor in the head with a brick. And as soon as little Nigel or Fiona is old enough, mum and dad take them out back and practice squishing them against a chain link fence.
No matter which country wins, rest assured that thousands will die in worldwide rioting. I'm going to pick up the satellite feed of The Hooligan Network, direct from Europe. They show split screen: the soccer game on one half, fans clubbing each other on the other.
Yes, America may be the only country that doesn't go goofy for soccer. We also are the only remaining super power.
This isn't provocative; it's just embarrassing, for both the writer and the paper.