Chink Food and Birthday Cake

Objectively speaking, the Yankees fans look like colossal douche bags.

What's with all the dress shirts? And why aren't any women present?

Attempting to capitalize on the ever-increasing ratings of Fox's American Idol, this summer, the other three major networks will flood the airwaves with imitations.

Nothing Americans do better than drive successful ideas into the ground (see: "Lazy Sunday").

Seriously, this singing competition shit is out of hand! In Chicago, both a furniture store (Walter E. Smithe) and a car dealership (Gillespie Auto) staged Idol contests.

Anyway, a closer look:

America's Got Talent (NBC)
description: "Singers, dancers, comedic performers and unique acts of all ages compete for a $1 million cash prize."
sounds like: American Idol + Star Search
judges: Brandy, David Hasselhoff, Piers Morgan (British tabloid editor)
the hard sell: From (American Idol judge) Simon Cowell and the producers of American Idol!
verdict: America's got better things to do in the summertime.

Rock Star: Supernova (CBS)
description: "Hopeful vocalists compete to be the lead singer of Supernova, a band featuring Tommy Lee (Mötley Crüe), Jason Newsted (Metallica) and Gilby Clarke (Guns n' Roses)."
sounds like: American Idol + Battle for Ozzfest
judges: Dave Navarro, Slash, Macy Gray, Moby, Rob Zombie…
the hard sell: Mötley Crüe, Metallica and Guns n' Roses! (kinda)
verdict: Winning this is like quitting your day job at Hardee's to work the night shift at Jack in the Box.

The One: Making a Music Star (ABC)
description: "Follow the lives of contestants as they attend a music academy that turns aspiring singers into music stars through professional training. Each week, contestants will perform live for the American audience, who will have to vote to keep their favorites in the competition."
sounds like: American Idol + Making the Band
judges: the contestants' coaches
the hard sell: Alliances, romances and rivalries will all be part of the story!
verdict: Is to a pop idol competition what Grey's Anatomy is to a medical show. No surprise that it's based on a Spanish television smash hit.

But wait, there's more!

Master "No, I don't think I can dance" P is developing his own answer to American Idol. According to Yahoo! Music, Master P is currently shopping America's Next Hip-Hop Stars, which will offer its winner a recording contract and $50,000. Some potential guest judges already lined up include Snoop Dogg, Paul Wall and Romeo. [source]

Oh, the indignity of receiving negative feedback from Romeo.

+ Magazine Threatens To Sue Bloggers Over Pitt-Jolie Photos
What's wrong with this picture?
1. People threatens to sue bloggers for posting photos of a baby
2. People paid $4.1 million for the rights to photos of a baby
3. people honestly care about seeing photos of this fuckin' baby

+ All of Jack Bauer's DAMN ITs from Season 1-4 of 24
+ Pee-wee's Playhouse Joins [adult swim] Monday through Thursday